Wednesday, February 27, 2013

DDP Yoga

I'm kinda fat. It might come as a surprise to hear that a guy who not only watches wrestling, but also writes about and podcasts about wrestling is overweight, but it's true. I say "kinda" fat because I'm not morbidly obese or anything, I'm still that kind of fat that you can sorta hide with the right combination of clothes and growing a goatee to hide your double chin, but I don't think I'm fooling many people. I've pretty much always been like this too, I think it was in 4th grade gym class when another kid said "Razor, you're fat." And since I maintained by "chubby, but at least not obese" weight without any serious work, I never had any motivation to do anything about it.

But leave it to wrestling to be my inspiration to finally get off my ass (which, surprisingly, isn't fat at all, it's almost comically tiny) and do something. Surely by now you've seen the amazing work Diamond Dallas Page has been doing through DDP Yoga with Jake "The Snake" Roberts and more recently, Scott Hall.

Looking at that picture, something just clicked in my head that this was the time to get serious about my health. Jake has always been one of my favorite performers in history, and when I look at him now, I see my dad, who looks eerily similar and has had numerous health problems as well, which is a glimpse into a future I don't want for myself.

So I'm trying to follow the program pretty closely, I'm not sure I'm the culinary wizard to follow his nutritional guide to a tee (it's a drastic lifestyle change), but my wife and I did the "Pantry Raid" and have been making much healthier meals, rather than going to Chipotle three times a week. Yeah, my wife is doing it too; she didn't know who DDP was before all this, but after seeing what he's been doing with the program and since she married a wrestling nerd, she was convinced. Her favorite parts of the program: no gym, no equipment, you can do it at home, and it's yoga that gets your heart rate going.

Which brings us to the workouts. Following the guide, you start off learning the "Diamond Dozen" moves and that's it for day 1. It was pretty easy, not terribly intense and I was thinking "that's it?" And then came the first proper workout, which we did this afternoon and when I was done, I had to take a quick break to go die.

This stuff is no joke. It is low-impact on your joints, which is great, but for a lazy guy like me, the cardio and old school calisthenics made my body literally feel like it was changing as I was doing it. This isn't middle school gym class where you do some jumping jacks then they make you run for a half hour and it's not like getting on the Stair Master, it's a legit, proper workout that's suited to your ability level. I sound like an infomercial for it now, but DDP does a great job explaining what you're supposed to be doing, but there's none of that "GET OFF YOUR ASS! COME ON!" drill instructor nonsense, nor the new-age hippie shit you get on the opposite end of the spectrum, there's a reason it used to be called Yoga for Regular Guys (and gals, in my house).

Even if you're not a wrestling fan, if you're ready to get serious about working on your fitness (Fergalicious def), and don't like the whole gym thing, I highly recommend DDP Yoga, because I'm feeling great right now. I'll keep you posted with regular updates on my progress and we'll all have a big party when I'm slutty skinny.


  1. Where can I find this DDP Yoga? And please tell me the Diamond sign is some sort of stretch.

  2. (I linked to it in the post)

    And yes, the Diamond Cutter is a Yoga move!

  3. I do hope the workout works for you, I'm on my own weight-loss regiment and it's working - slowly but surely.

    Scott Hall is still a work in progress, though. If DDP can do to Scott what he did with Jake, he should be anointed sainthood.

    Related: Just did a Google News search for Scott Hall, and one of the blurbs is as such: "Scott Hall Makes Frozen Pizza".

    I'm not making that up.