Ah, what the hell, last night's show was kind of a drag, so let's make tonight fun with another live blog! Refresh, Twitter, exsetera (that's for you AP!)
The full name for tonight's show is "Super Smackdown Live! Blast from the Past," because Syfy doesn't charge by the letter. They air the Blast from the Past promo, but just use the normal Smackdown intro and theme... lame! Make something special or give us the old school Smackdown theme. You know the one, right? "GRIBBLE WIBBLE GRIFFVLE GRUBBLE GRIBLLE GRIBBLE GRIBBLE!"
Daniel Bryan is in Piper's Pit tonight, that should be rad.
But you know what might be even radder? Sheamus getting interviewed by "Mean" Gene Okerlund! Sadly, Sheamus did not start this interview with "WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN, FELLA!" but I'll let it slide if he calls him "Mean, by God, Gene." Sheamus begins by apologizing to referee Chad Patton for kicking him in the face last week, but he should be demanding an apology from his mother for naming him Chad. Sheamus tries to lighten the mood a little bit, but John Laurinaitis and his majestic theme music interrupt. Big Johnny demands that Sheamus apologize, which is what he just did, but Sheamus is a good sport and says he's sorry again. But now Laurinaitis moves the apology goalposts and makes him apologize to all WWE referees, but he doesn't have to mention them by name.
Ace threatens Sheamus with firing and fines him $500,000, which is like Ozzie Guillen territory. He's also forcing him to team up with Mean Gene later tonight to take on Alberto Del Rio and Daniel Bryan. You better watch out, Johnny... Mean Gene was trained by the Hulkster himself!
Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry is our opening contest and I demand Orton's wig get all sorts of split. Oh yeah, big powerslam early with a concerned Bob Orton Jr. looking on? That's the stuff! Keep splittin' that wig, Mizark! Back from commercial, Mark Henry is trying to twist Orton's head off like a really troublesome lid on a jar of mayonnaise.
Henry continues his brutal assault on the Vipah, but just as Orton's trying to turn things around, the ropes go splodies and Kane appears on the TitanTron and delivers a Joker-esque speech about how they're destined to do this... FOREVER! He's having too much fun with Orton, so much fun that he decided to add another Orton to the fun, Cowboy Bob is unconscious. Great, Kane just re-broke his hand. Randall rushes backstage, gets a steel pipe to the gut and I suddenly like Kane again.
Benny Camer is in the ring and if you're curious who Benny Camer is, you care more than anyone in the arena. Benny is the latest victim of Ryback, the former Skip Sheffield. Ryback OBLITERATES this dude with the sickest clothesline I've seen since Bradshaw on a good day. The finisher is academic, that clothesline was N-A-S-T-Y!!!!
And Mick Foley is here to do guest commentary!
Tyson Kidd & Heath Slater are teaming up, but they have Jimmy Hart in their corner, which I actually find kinda cool. Honestly, Heath Slater & Jimmy Hart would make an awesome pairing. Thise new team is taking on The Usos and why do they have Foley on guest commentary when Jimmy Hart is out here doing the megaphone shtick? And why did Jimmy Hart ever stop being a regular manager? The megaphone is instant heat.
Anyhoo, while I'm rambling about Jimmy Hart and Mick Foley, this is actually becoming a really good match with The Usos really showing off why they should be used more. Usos win, Hart gets Mr. Socko for some reason, but whatever, the match was fun.
PIPER'S PIT! The Hot Rod himself, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper is interviewing former World Champ, Daniel Bryan. Bryan looks absolutely diabolical right now, but I'm guessing it's just impossible for him to contain his glee over the fact that he's on Piper's HIt. Bryan claims it's because he's been granted his rematch and it's going to be a 2 out of 3 falls match at Extreme Rules! Uhh, okay!
Piper doesn't really care about that though, he invites AJ down to the ring to say what she really feels about Bryan dumping her last week. Instead, AJ apologizes to Bryan for WrestleMania and just wants to talk so she can make it up to him. Bryan tells her to GTFO though and that really gets Piper fired up because he's apparently AJ's #1 fan. Piper reminds us that he has three daughters and he doesn't appreciate the way Bryan treats his lady. If "8 Simple Rules for Dating Roddy Piper's Daughter" doesn't make it to the WWE Network, I will be sorely disappointed.
After Piper's long lecture, Bryan responds with a slap to the face and a "YES! YES! YES!" up the ramp. Not quite how I expected this whole thing to go, but AJ looks more important than any WWE Diva, ever.
For some reason, The Great Khali, Natalya & Alicia Fox vs. Drew McIntyre & The Bellas is next. McIntyre walks off quickly, screaming "I'M BETTER THAN THIS" (you sure about that?) and Alicia Fox hits a Northern Lights Suplex on a Bella for the win. But it is Blast from the Past, so that's Mae Young's cue to come lick the Great Khali's face. I'm a sucker for ol' Mae, so I'm okay with it.
Damien Sandow has some words for us backstage. Big words. Wrestling fan brain not equipped for this.
Raw recap... live blog intermission!
And we're back with "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. "Holy shit, this is racist" Hunico. The guy who... drives Hunico to the ring on a bike (sigh) tries to get involved, but Sgt. Slaughter saves the day. Sarge tosses the 2x4 to Duggan and he gets disqualified, but at least we get a Cobra Clutch out of the deal. Okie Dokie then.
Cody Rhodes is here to think about the future, a future where he's IC Champion and legends aren't hogging the spotlight and that's the cue for Daddy-O, DUSTY RHODES! Sadly, he does not have Camacho's bicycle. Dusty's got some words for his son, but Cody's not having any of it, "Dad! You're embarrassing me!" I imagine Dream could be an embarrassing dad, especially when you have friends over and he's just running around in the polka dot underwear, but who wasn't been there before? Then Big Show comes out and shows a clip of Cody in his "Dashing" days, which admittedly, is pretty creepy. Dusty adds the punchline of dancing to his awesome cowbell theme music. Works for me!
Main event time! Alberto Del Rio & Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus and "Mean" Gene Okerlund, yes, "Mean" Gene Okerlund. The bad guys get the advantage, but just when it looks like Ricardo Rodriguez, Daniel Bryan and ADR are going to beat up poor Mean Gene, all the Legends rush the ring, provide the distraction (with some Qwik?) and Bryan eats a Brogue Kick! GOOD GUYS WIN! Rodriguez gets the Legend finisher free-for-all and then Michael Cole gets beat up for some reason too, because why not?
When am I going to learn that these live Smackdowns are always terrible? Piper was great, AJ was spectacular and Hillbilly Jim looks better now than he did in 1986, but other than that, a completely uneventful and at times, really awkward, show. Don't sweat it if you missed this one, just go to YouTube and listen to Dusty Rhodes' theme music on a 90 minute loop.