WWE has been dreadful the last few weeks. But it's Halloween, there are Muppets and The Rock is returning to the ring. They absolutely have to hit this one out of the park. Oh and check the Twitter feed too.
And we begin with the man himself, The Rock... via satellite. The Rock has an answer for John Cena's request for a tag team partner: "hell no." Well, that's that then.
LULZ JUST KIDDIN!
The Rock thought about it for a whole week and decided he will team with John Cena because he really hates The Miz and R-Truth. I get The Miz, but what'd R-Truth ever do to you, Rocky? Just because "What's Up" is a way better song than "Pie," it's no reason to threaten bodily harm. But it's gonna happen, Madison Square Garden, 15th anniversary of The Rock's debut at Survivor Series, fun little rhyme, smell what he's cookin, etc. Hey, it's The Rock wrestling, even if the promo is typical Rock, I can't complain.
CM Punk vs. Mark Henry is our opening contest and if CM Punk can stay out of the Hall of Pain, he'll get his title shot against Alberto Del Rio at Survivor Series. Not much of a match before Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez make their way to ringside and Rodriguez "assaults" Mark Henry, causing a disqualification. Definitely a dick move, but certainly makes sense and I don't know why bad guys don't pull stunts like that more often. And kudos to Punk for just throwing Rodriguez to Henry and doing the John Cena "you wronged me, so I must punch you" bit.
Miss Piggy and Kermit T. Frog arrive on a specially-crafted stage and do an awesome Brood rise-from-the-stage entrance. Jack Swagger & Vickie Guerrero interrupt and Kermit gets in a great one liner about how he didn't mean to offend Jack or his mom. HAH! Santino's out next and announces he has a match with Swagger later and Dolph Ziggler has to contend with Zack Ryder. Kermit saying "WOO! WOO! WOO!" was cute as well, but not as cute as Swagger clamping his mouth shut.
Diva Costume Contest Battle Royal up next to determine the #1 contender for the Divas Championship. Typical Diva nonsense, but AJ dressed as Kitana from Mortal Kombat and trying the fan lift is fucking hysterical. Eve wins, which isn't surprising considering the "Kelly or Eve" Divas division, but I have a hard time taking this whole exchange seriously when the Divas of Doom are facing off with Robin, a sailor and a sexy pirate.
Bunsen & Beaker! And poor Beaker gets bullied by Christian, but luckily Beaker's big brother Sheamus saves the day!
Air Boom vs. Cody Rhodes & Wade Barrett and as far as thrown together tag teams go, you could do worse than Rhodes and Barrett. Fantastic match too, especially with Barrett reversing a Bourne hurricanrana into Wasteland, only to have Bourne reverse Wasteland into a nasty DDT. Still doesn't work out so well for Bourne anyway, an assist from Cody allows Barrett to hit Wasteland and get a win over the tag champs. Christian interferes after the match (for some reason) attacking Cody and Kofi and Sheamus makes the save. I assume we're setting up something for Survivor Series?
Backstage, CM Punk complains to Johnny Ace about Del Rio's actions. The Dynamic Dude tells Punk he'll get his WWE Title match if Del Rio agrees to it. Uh... he just went out of his way to keep Punk from getting the match, why would he agree to it?
Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show is our 10pm main event and wow, this match is loooooooong. Really long for a Raw match, but pretty fun and solid back and forth action. Del Rio runs face first into that CARCINOGENIC FIST and Big Show picks up a clean 1-2-3 victory over the WWE Champion. Interesting, you'd think Punk would at least factor into the finish...
But here's CM Punk now, sitting next to a comatose Del Rio and wakes him up the good ol' fashioned way, water to the face. Punk locks Del Rio in the Anaconda Vice until he agrees to a WWE Title match at Survivor Series. Okay, I can live with the way that worked out.
Backstage, Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger rough up Gonzo, who was just minding his own business with Fozzie Bear. Assaulting Gonzo is NOT cool, guys. Not cool at all!
Jack Swagger vs. Santino up next with ANIMAL! as our special guest timekeeper! ANIMAL!!!! The match is pretty much what you'd expect a Santino vs. Swagger match to be, but Beaker provides the assist, giving Santino an energy drink, that Santino just spits in Swagger's face. Roll-up, win! The cuteness continues.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder should be a fantastic match, but I'm dreading the inevitable arrival of Huge Jackedman. More enjoyable, multi-segment, back and forth action. Ryder pins Ziggler, but the US Champ has his foot on the rope and the match continues. Vickie tries to get involved, but Ryder outsmarts Ziggler and nails the Rough Ryder for a big win. Crowd EXPLODED for the non-title victory, WWE should really consider putting the US Title on him. All the singles titles are held by bad guys right now, why not give the guy a run?
And hey, no sign of Huge. Yay!
No JR vs. Michael Cole tonight since they're definitely running short on time. I'm not going to lose any sleep over that one.
Main Event time! The Miz vs. John Cena in a WrestleMania rematch and just like WrestleMania, this should end with Cena beaten and humiliated. This is not going the way I want it to though, especially with Cena turning Miz inside-out with a NASTY~! clothesline. But Miz responds with that NASTY~~!! kick-start DDT and Cena lands square on his dome. Gross.
Outside the ring, John Cena gets attacked by Ghostface from Scream, but Cena battles him off, locks Miz in the STF, wins... then hits Ghostface with an AA. Surprise, it was R-Truth the whole time. Damn, I was hoping Matthew Lillard was coming to Raw.
Well, Raw was good until that ending, which was incredibly stupid. Why does John Cena need The Rock if he can beat Miz and Truth that easily? Argh. Still, good wrestling from beginning to end and the Muppets were really cute. Wasn't the home run I hoped for, but a decent start.