Monday, September 12, 2011

Guest Post: WWE Smackdown - September 9, 2011

Hello there! Back briefly during my honeymoon to bring a Guest Post from our good friend King Ellis, who was kind enough to review Friday's Smackdown while I was getting hitched. Still need someone to tackle tonight's Raw as well!

Smackdown begins with a video for the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry. We get a recap of his path of destruction over the last few months. We start the show with Mark Henry making his way to the ring to talk about his second job as curator of the Hall of Pain. Apparently, Big Show and Kane have their own special wings. No room for Vladimir Kozlov? Henry claims that the Hall of Pain contains broken bones, broken careers and broken hope. I guess that means if they ever procure any of those items for a physical Hall of Pain, they wont have to send any complimentary pictures of Mae Young when they ship them back. Though he's been in the WWE for a long, long time, Henry claims he has never been as unpredictable, reckless or dangerous and that's why he'll be the new World Heavyweight Champion.

But forget Smackdown, it's time for Zackdown! The assistant to Smackdown GM, Teddy Long, Zack Ryder has arrived to tell Mark Henry that they could be Broskis! World's Strongest Broski? Ryder explains to Henry that he and Randy Orton have matches tonight but T'Lo has ruled that they are not to interfere against one another. Fearing for the structural integrity of his wig, Zack hastily tries to exit the ring but Henry has a question for him first. He wants to know who Zack thinks will win at Night of Champions. Beth Phoenix of course! Just kidding. Zack refuses to answer on the grounds that Henry will snort him up one nostrel and shoot him out of the other if he were to say Randy Orton...ok. Henry doesn't like fence sitters and says that if he can't put his hands on Orton, then he'll have to put them on someone else. Zack reads between the lines and tries to go down swinging but is soon on the receiving end of a devastating chop and then the World's Strongest Slam. Buried!

Time for Henry to pick on someone his own size though as Ezekiel Jackson is set to be his opponent in the first match of the night. After a test of strength, Henry overpowers Big Zeke and turns it into a back body drop. Zeke goes for the Torture Rack early but can't pull it off. Guess he'll just have to take solice in that miracle he performed a few weeks ago when he racked Khali. Henry proceeds to make short work of Zeke and after ramming him into a ring post, he returns him to the ring, delivers two big splashes and finishes him off with The World's Strongest Slam. I wonder what the future holds for Big Zeke after unceremoniously losing his Intercontinental title and now this quick loss.

Backstage we go as Aksana continues to befuddle Teddy Long with her seduction techniques. It's a shame she already married Goldust in order to stay in the country, she could have tried to go one better than Kristal and bump Teddy off at the wedding. With her wig and leather get up, she's already dressed to be a black widow. Speaking of weddings, I wonder if Razor sprung for The Fink in the end? Aksana claims that ring announcing isn't the only special thing she can do with her mouth, she can sing too! Oh no, not another Jillian! She wants to make beautiful music with Teddy but he excuses himself to go check on his assistant. Hey, Broski's before Hoski's!

Next up, it's Green Ranger Sin Cara vs Tyson Kidd and even after his post match attack on Smackdown's Mr Money in the Bank, Daniel Bryan, last week, the WWE universe is still behind the man from Mexico. This might have been Hunico's second match against Tyson Kidd this week but it turns out that really was Yoshi Tatsu under a mask on nXt. Sin Cara picks up the victory in another fairly quick matchup. Meanwhile, Michael Cole's ability to annoy transcends language barriers as he butchers the Spanish languange in an attempt to get Josh Matthews to question Sin Cara as to why he attacked Daniel Bryan last week. Josh promptly falls into the trap of speaking slower and louder when conversing with foriegners. But wait, he can talk! He can talk! (He can siiiiiiiiiiiiing!) And in English no less. People always say that Sin Cara is being groomed to replace Rey Mysterio and he seems to be on his way by taking his schtick of doing half the interview in English and the other half in Spanish. Sin Cara says he's always been this way but he held back upon joining WWE out of respect for everyone but from now on, we're going to see more the real Sin Cara.

Daniel Bryan has a problem with the "real" Sin Cara and wants a rematch with him on next weeks show. In fact, Sin Cara can be as agressive as he wants. Sin Cara issues his response in the form of a kick to the gut before locking on Bryan's signature submission, The LaBell Lock! Okay, now the Universe doesn't take kindly to that.

Randy Orton is backstage giving his thoughts on his opponent for tonight. Orton says that ever since Cody's face was bashed in, he's been a changed man. He's unstable and unstable can be dangerous. Takes one to know one! As for his opponent at Night of Champions, With everyone asking, who or what can possibly stop The World's Strongest Man, Orton thinks he has the answer: R.K.O. Hmmph, I was hoping it would be Overdrive.

The supposed saviours of the Divas division are out next and it's Natalya taking on Divas champion Kelly Kelly. Kelly Kelly is thrown of the ring early and number one contender for her title at NoC, Beth Phoenix, chooses to leave her be and sits demurely on the steel steps instead. Nattie trash talks Kelly whilst she overpowers her and tries to lock in the Sharpshooter but takes a little too looking to Beth for approval, leaving Kelly with ample time to turn it into a small package for the victory. Beth's hands off approach is over and she lunges after her rival but Kelly heads for the hills.

Christian is set for action but comes out in his street clothes instead. Turns out this match and apparently all of the rest of tonight's matches are postponed as well on account of Teddy Long's reluctance to do the right thing. Christian outlines his valiant attempts on last weeks Super Smackdown to take the World Heavyweight Champion from the Viper. All the pundits say he was ahead on points and if it wasn't for an illegal double team at the hands of John Cena and Sheamus on RAW the previous night, he would be World Heavyweight Champion again. Surely it's only fair that Captain Charisma be granted just one more rematch, right?

The Great White disagrees. In fact, he has an amusing anecdote which bares similarities to this situation. Are you sitting comfortably? Then let's begin! Sheamus' dog once had a litter of puppies, all of them strong and healthy, apart from the last one. It grew up very scrawny and seedy looking. It later developed a nasty case of mange (Good job I wasn't eating when I Google Image searched that) and blew hot air from it's arse when it burped. If they'd castrated its mother like they did to that black bull then none of this would ever have happened! Sheamus isn't keen on Christian getting another title match and wants him out of the ring so he can start his match. Christian complies but eyeballs him as he goes.

Sheamus' opponent rears his head in the form casual coat wearer and my fellow Englishman, Wade Barret. Shame he doesn't wear roses in that coat like he used to. Decent brawl between these two with Sheamus looking in control as he caves in Barrett's chest with his clubbing forearms. Before he has the chance to go for the win, Christian hits the ring and goes straight for the red headed Irishman, causing the DQ. Christian and Barrett double team Sheamus but he fights back and gives Barrett the Brogue Kick. Christian nearly eats a High Cross but manages to wriggle out of it. The pair share a staredown as Christian backs up the ramp. Looks like there's life after Orton for the former champ.

Non title matchup as Air Boom visit the blue brand to take on Jinder Mahal and The Great Khali in a rematch from RAW. I guess the tag champs appearing on both shows isn't so special anymore now we have this whole Super Show business or is that just a one way ticket, Smackdown guys appearing on RAW? Anyway, Team Brothers-in-law are looking to avenge their loss on Monday following their miscommunication. As Kofi uses his high flying offense to put himself in position to pin Mahal, Khali goes to make the save and Evan Bourne makes the questionable decision of trying to cut him off. Mahal kicks out as Khali tosses Bourne out of the ring. Mahal is upset about something and slaps Khali. Khali isn't taking any of that and shoves Mahal straight into Trouble in Paradise. Kofi is confused but happy as he picks up the win for his team. What will this mean for Khali's sister?!

Main event time. It's champion vs champion and a match with plenty of history behind it as these two former Legacy members square off, World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton vs Intercontinental Champion Chody Rhodes. The former dashing one only has his baggers for company tonight though after his attack two weeks ago on Ted DiBiase. Cody explains that he tried to help Ted but dropped him before he started dragging him down. How long until Teddy recieves the Alex Riley treatment? As for Randy Orton, Cody intends to show him just how unstable he can be.

Orton starts out strong but Rhodes turns the tide after using his lexan glass mask as a weapon. He works on Orton's left arm throughout the match, including breaking out the short arm scissors. Rhodes continues to have a strong showing until Orton ducks an attempt at the Beautiful Disaster kick and hits an RKO for the victory.

Mark Henry book ends the show as he comes out to go face to face with Orton. Just like Ryder before him, Orton tries to take it to Henry but fails with an attempted RKO. Henry counters with not one but two World's Strongest Slams. Instead of using it to Pillmanize Orton's leg, Henry takes a steel chair and uses it to sit over Orton's prone body. From there, he tells Orton that the only reason he didn't break his leg was that he wanted to take the title from him.

An OK show from Smackdown. Looking ahead, Christian vs Sheamus should be good and the impending "I don't know which one to shoot!" evil twin Sin Cara showdown could be interesting, even if at least one of them speaks English, thus reducing the likelihood of week after week of non-stop pointing. We have, what, one Smackdown left and I have no clue who Cody Rhodes is going to defend the title against at Night of Champions. Ted maybe? Daniel Bryan? Zeke?

OMG! The Top 50 Incidents in WWE History [Blu-ray]WWE Summerslam 2011Randy Orton: The Evolution of a Predator

1 comment:

  1. King Ellis is a good man. I enjoy his work. Amusing, fair and kind! Interesting insight1 You could learn something from him Razor, he has a humourous edge! Give him more work! I for one would greatly enjoy a King Ellis RAW review. A fine, fine, good man. Love and kisses!