Monday, September 5, 2011

Guest Post: WWE Raw - September 5, 2011

Tonight's Raw review is a Guest Post from my good buddy Louis O'Hara. A huge thanks to him for helping out the site during my very busy wedding week.

We start the show with a recap of last week, which is a little odd to me as I felt that was the weakest night of the storyline yet, with the only worthwhile thing being Nash Vs. Punk becoming Punk Vs. Triple H. But then the WWE does love their video packages, even if this is one that could've been saved for Night of Champions. Does a decent job of putting the storyline in the light we're supposed to see it though, but did we really need to keep the 'Skinny fat ass' part?

We start the night with CM Punk, which is always a good way to start any show. Really, any. Throw Punk into the opening of Sons of Anarchy and it'd even make that better than it already is! Punk says that he's a little different, he talks different, walks different and apparently all this pisses a lot of people off. This is also why Punk doesn't like Nash, who hates Nash for being old. It all leads to Punk calling out Nash and hey, he turns up! With his hair down... and it looks awful. Maybe that's the problem WWE had with him wrestling?

Punk rags on Triple H for being relevant a little after making numerous references to Oz and Super Shredder (really now?) and it doesn't take long for Triple H to walk out and interupt Punk. Nash wants Punk gone because the universe isn't big enough for the both of them. And they've got the security footage of something! And... KEVIN NASH SENT KEVIN NASH THE TEXT!?

...What?

Nash did it to make the WWE cool again. Wait, what? I don't... understand. Why even bother texting himself that?! And this angle is focusing way too much on Kevin Nash and Triple H for my liking right now. I'm guessing this leads to Nash bringing back 'The Band' in some way, but who? Waltman isn't exactly much of a threat, Hogan works for the 'competiton' and I can't see WWE being too interested in Scott Hall stumbling down to the ring. Oh well, at least we got CM Punk doing his best Nelson Muntz impression. HA-HA!

We come back to a replay of everything we just watched... I hate that. Kevin Nash is so angry he can't remember how to open the door to his limo apparently, whilst John Laurinaitis walks alongside him confused. Huh.

And hey! Wrasslin'! I sometimes forget this happens on RAW. It's Air Boom versus... Khali and Mahal? I once went to a WWE house show where someone turned around and asked me who Sin Cara was. I imagine that just happened to half the arena with Mahal. And man, this Khali's sister storyline is so... I don't know. Just bad. Maybe if someone other than the black hole of charisma that is Jinder Mahal was playing the character, it'd be more entertaining, but I don't think anyone cares right now.

Watching Mahal beat up Bourne when he's finally got some momentum makes me sad. But it all turns around when Khali accidently whacks Mahal in the head allowing for Evan Bourne to hit that beautiful Shooting Star Press! I'll never get tired of seeing that. Pretty short match that's easily missable, but I'll never complain about seeing Bourne pick up a win. And am I the only one that's noticed that JR's job lately seems to be reminding Cole and Lawler about the matches going on? I'm not complaining, it's pretty great, just find it funny how often he has to do it.

Next up is Beth Vs. Eve to decide the number 1 contender for the Divas title... with Kelly Kelly on commentary. Uh, I like K2, I do, but I'm not sure why they'd want to put her on commentary again after her last outing. And Natalya is joining her. I like Natalya too, but these two don't have a great track record on commentary. The match is fine but the story is more told on the commentary with Natalya claiming they're 'saving' the Universe. Poor Jericho, even the Divas are stealing his shtick!

The Rock has 1,000,000 twitter followers and apparently Survivor Series is going to be electrifying! But who cares about that, Christian is here! And Drew McIntyre, but he disappears quickly. Christian and Del Rio are now bestest buddies! I'd give anything for them to rewind a few months and have never moved Orton and kept Del Rio on SmackDown, those two are great together. Del Rio is trying to talk Christian into doing... something, to Cena.

And another preview for Inside Out! Can we stop trying to put WWE stars into dramas and just remake Welcome to the Jungle a bunch of times with a few different wrestlers?

R-Truth is heading to the ring! And his bestest buddy The Miz is coming too! Truth doesn't find Punk to be different at all and says he should go to Night of Champions by buying a ticket so he can stuff his face. R-Truth and Miz banter and it's freakin' fantastic, these two are pretty much the funniest combination ever. Truth and Miz want Air Boom at Night of Champions... and I don't know how I feel about that. Miz and Truth have too much going for them to not win the titles really, whilst I don't really want Air Boom to lose them so soon without ever really getting a chance as Champions. I guess either way, at least McChickennuggets and David D-List Otunga aren't involved.

Punk Vs. Truth and this crowd isn't exactly too hot on Punk. I wonder if it's his overall momentum slowing a little or just the crowd? I've got a funny feeling we might see Triple H get more a reaction at Night of Champions than Punk. Punk Vs. Truth is fairly good as expected, but man, Cole being such a little bitch to JR is really taking away from the match. They need to decide if they want him to stop this crap all out or not, because it seems to change each week. Punk wins with a GTS after Miz is ejected... but then Triple H shows up again?

The Game has changed their NoC match... to a No DQ match. But Punk has a little suggestion of his own, if Punk wins, Triple H has to resign as COO! Triple H agrees and all but confirms that he's going to win. Oh well. At least with No DQ it'll definitely be a pinfall victory and Triple H Vs. Punk will at least be a new match.

Apparently there's going to be a WWE Network? I didn't see the advert here in the UK, but hey, that's awesome!

Jerry Lawler Vs. Otunga or McGillicutty. Hopefully this goes the way of Kendrick/Lawler and we're saying goodbye to these two. Worst tag team ever? Yes. Definitely. And Jerry Lawler is teaming with Zack Ryder, who gets a Z True Long Island Story video package!? What the hell, did someone let CM Punk into the production truck? Amazing. Awesome to see WWE finally embrace Zack Ryder and reward him a little for getting over on his own. Really glad to finally see him get some recognition, but if this is the start of a push for him, it's definitely sink or swim time for Zack.

Short match, but man this crowd was hot for Zack Ryder. Let's see if he can keep it up.

Del Rio continues to try and talk people into beating up John Cena for him, but considering how little we've heard from him tonight, I'm starting to wonder if he's even there. And Randy Orton is up next! Suddenly stepping in to review RAW for Razor feels like a lot more effort...

I don't like Orton at all, but last week he had a hell of a match with Ziggler, so let's see if he can manage another good match. And his opponent is Heath Slater. Never mind. I'm sorry, I tried to pay attention to this, but come on. This was not good. And Heath Slater used the Spinebuster, which I find to be an insult to Andersons everywhere. Sadly this ended in only an RKO and not a Punt, but hey, WWE found someone that could actually make me root for Randy Orton. Bravo, WWE. Bravo.

Zack Ryder is backstage with John Cena, hyped about his win. Cena asks who wears sunglasses indoors and gives a wink to the camera (I see what he did there!), congratulates Ryder and heads to the ring for his match with... someone? I don't know. They've talked about Cena being here all night, but I don't think they've even mentioned who he'll be facing?

Cena wants to know why Del Rio is ducking him and why they can't fight here tonight? I'd love for Del Rio to come out and say that they're booked for Night of Champions and it'd just be silly to do the match before then. A bunch of blonde guys and Wade Barrett hit the ring to beat up Cena, but then a bunch of faces make the save. And Teddy Long is here!? What is this... I don't... huh? Long makes an 8 man tag and let me see if I can remember who turned up...

It's Cena, Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley Vs. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Wade Barrett and Christian. So, what, they couldn't figure out how to the end the show? Why is all this happening? Would it really have killed them to not have Barrett, Christian, Morrison, Riley, Ziggler and Sheamus on the show? And apparently it's an elimination match now!? What!? I do like Elimination matches though. I won't go through step by step, but highlights include Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus being awesome. I'd love to see Barrett Vs. Sheamus, I think they'd put on some great matches. Sheamus goes fairly heel on Christian and... I don't get it? Is this just Sheamus being a monster heel or am I supposed to cheer for Christian? Sheamus kind of overreacted to a slap. It's pro wrestling, what was he expecting getting in the ring?!

It comes down to Cena Vs. Swagger and Ziggler, but their problems get the better of them and Cena ends up hitting Ziggler with an Attitude Adjustment and locking Swagger in the STF for the win! Afterwards, Del Rio tries to run in but eats an Attitude Adjustment for his troubles!

So, not a terrible RAW, but it wasn't great either. The Punk/Triple H feud needs something more than just 'I'm making things cool again!' 'Hey look, it's Kevin Nash!' to breathe some fresh air into what's become a rather stale story. Truth and Miz continue to be hilarious, Zack Ryder getting some attention was nice and he didn't disappoint but the ending was just kind of... there. Especially the 8 man tag. If you missed this RAW, try and catch the Truth/Miz segment on YouTube and the Zack Ryder segment if you're a fan of his, if not, I just wouldn't bother with this weeks RAW.

3 comments:

  1. Glad to see Zack Ryder get some love tonight. They highlight of a mediocre show.

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  2. Nice review, and I'll echo the support for Zack Ryder getting some more exposure on live television.

    I'm still not convinced that the whole "Supershow" gimmick is a good idea, but perhaps that's just something to do with the fact that it could mean having to see the likes of Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater twice a week.

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  3. I think the problem with this Raw was there was really a lot of talking, and really not a lot of matches. And even when there were matches, it was more about the talking. They just need to find a better balance.

    Random notes: I copy the sentiment about the former tag champions, though I prefer McDouchebag with Cheese.

    Can we talk about Pippi Longboring's terrible new ring theme? As if I needed more reason to hate country "music". Plus side, he didn't have a mic. As for the match, Orton needs an opponent that can make him look good; Slater is not that opponent.

    Zack Ryder getting a shot is cool, but it won't go far. He's an Internet star, and if you've been on WWE.com lately, you know WWE doesn't take the Internet seriously.

    This was a good guest review, I like your writing style. Will you be doing Smackdown too?

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