It's the first Raw of August. That has no significance whatsoever, I just had nothing else to open with. CM Punk is back and will address The 'Erse tonight. Hey, if people can call it "The E," (which I loathe with an all-consuming passion), I can get away with "The 'Erse." It's my blog dammit. Refresh, Twitter, etc.
CM Punk still isn't in the signature in the start of the show. Surely that was in his list of contract demands?
And speaking of the Best in the World, the REAL WWE Champion, CM Punk is kicking things off on Monday Night Raw! CM Punk takes a seat, looking like he's getting ready to play Duck, Duck, Goose and begins to tell us why he's back and back so soon. "I love the place I work, I just hate the people in charge." Oh I'm sure more than a few of us can relate to that. Punk is (rightfully) taking credit for Vince McMahon being ousted and he's going to make WWE fun again. Well it's about damn time...
CM Punk can't continue to be a catalyst for change on his couch in Chicago though and even in his very brief absence, the status quo tried to creep back in with John Cena parading around with the WWE Title. John Cena has a "belt," just like the dude in the front row that threw down $300 for a replica, but CM Punk has the WWE Championship!
And "apparently it's time to play The Game," Triple H is here, hopefully more tolerable than he was on Friday. I'm not too worried, CM Punk makes everyone better. After a little prodding, Punk gets Triple H to admit his true feelings, he thinks Punk is "smug and overrated," which is akin to the pot and kettle becoming Tag Team Champions.
Punk says Triple H needed him though and couldn't afford to let him slip away like Vince let Batista, Foley, Lesnar and Jericho slip away. Great back and forth between these two and Triple H says he'll address the WWE Title situation tonight, but Punk is just getting warmed up on The Game. Does the Hunter Hearst Helmsley curtsy, calls out the Triple H reign of terror, brings Stephanie into it, etc. Great, great stuff. Punk flipping HHH's tie there was just the icing on the asshole cake.
Goddamn I love this. Going anti-authority isn't anything new, but he's not just throwing Stunners around, he's dropping knowledge and breaking the fourth wall. And he's the perfect guy to pull it off. Fantastic opening.
Diva Battle Royal to kick things off in the ring and OMG NATALYA'S HEAD! That was a nasty spill, hope she's okay. Pretty weird to see any Divas match, even a battle royal, go to a commercial break midway through. A Divas match that will last longer than 90 seconds?! Even better, Beth Phoenix hoists both Bellas onto her shoulders and dumps them both out, she's the new #1 contender! And then The Glamazon destroys Kelly Kelly! YES! If we can't have Kharma, we at least have the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure R-Truth just referred to Triple H as "Mr. H's" while talking to The Miz backstage. I wish I was that funny.
The Miz & R-Truth vs. Rey Mysterio & John Morrison is next and once again, The Miz has to make John Morrison interesting! These guys aren't reinventing the wheel or anything, but it's your standard fun Raw tag main event. Except instead of the typical "good guys win to get the crowd fired up" bit, R-Truth pins Morrison after Miz manhandles Rey Mysterio and the bad guys are victorious! Miz isn't done though, Skullcrushing Finale on Morrison, then a little post-match beat down from Truth too. Hell yeah, I'm all for Miz and Truth getting extra vicious and showing these guys what #TeamAwesome is all about.
SummerSlam Recall this week going back to The Ultimate Warrior ending the Honky Tonk Man's legendary Intercontinental Title run. Fun stuff.
Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero are here and oh my, Vickie is looking smokin' hot tonight. Digging Ziggler's Tarantino look with the black suit and red tie too. Ziggler tells us how awesome he is, dares the rest of WWE to "follow that," which beats my Twitter catchphrase, "follow back."
Cue Alex Riley to thunderous applause. Seriously, the fans LOVE this guy, it just goes to show how powerful a strong face turn can be. Riley accuses Ziggler of hiding behind Vickie too much and it's pretty standard stuff to hopefully set up a US Title match at SummerSlam. Simple, but effective.
David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty vs. Zack Ryder & Santino Marella up next and apparently Nexus is finally dead and Santino has dumped Kozlov. Crowd is pretty hot for Ryder, but alas, they're still desperate to get people to care about these Otunga and Mr. Imperfect. Blah, big thumbs down to them winning, especially when the Internet Championship is more valuable than the Tag Titles at this point.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Evan Bourne up next, these two had a fun (but quick) match a few weeks back, hopefully they get more time tonight since I have a suspicion this will be the final match of the night. A little more time, still not enough, but Del Rio just looks so badass. Best facial expressions since William Regal, perhaps the best face in wrestling since The Rock, beautiful offense, the guy just oozes "WWE Champion." Del Rio gets a decisive win with the Cross Armbreaker and refuses to let go and Kofi Kingston makes the save cause, eh, why not?
Main Event time! Naturally, that means Triple H. And Johnny Ace, still sans skateboard though. Ace, while doing his best impression of Dauber from Coach, tells Triple H to strip John Cena of the WWE Title. Wait, what? Why would they strip Cena? Punk is the one causing all the trouble for corporate.
John Cena hits the ring and makes a Dynamic Dudes reference, which I and four other people might appreciate. CM Punk to the ring and we take a loooooooooooooooong time to get to the obvious: John Cena vs. CM Punk at SummerSlam to determine an undisputed WWE Champion. I'm fine with that, but doesn't Rey Mysterio deserve a spot in this? He never got his rematch and John Cena totally robbed him last week.
Solid Raw with CM Punk obviously being the highlight of the show. Again. Regardless of another roundabout way to get to the obvious, Punk and Cena had a match of the year candidate at Money in the Bank, can they repeat at SummerSlam? The crowd's not going to be like Chicago, but I have a feeling LA will still blow the roof off the place, it just might be more divided. Maybe. I suspect a heavy pro-Punk crowd still. They should still add Rey Mysterio though, that match would be awesome. Maybe Night of Champions?
Oh and Punk better win.