Monday, August 22, 2011

WWE Raw - August 22, 2011

Hey, it's wrasslin' night! I hope CM Punk finds Big Sky to help him take out Vinny Vegas! Refresh your tab, follow on Twitter, and please comment early and often.

Cold intro tonight, Raw begins with your undisputed WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio! And did I hear Michael Cole say we're in Canada tonight? Oh we're in store for a fun crowd if that's true. Anyhoo, his name is Alberto...

OMG John Cena's music just made me pee on myself. That was loud, abrupt and startling. Hold me. Cena reintroduces himself to Del Rio, does a little trash talk and says he's gonna whoop Del Rio's ass for the WWE Title. Cena continues the sell of the Punk face turn as well, saying the "Best in the World" is the only - that's right, ONLY - man who can go toe-to-toe with him. Wow.

And speak of the devil, CM Punk is here and Canada has erupted! It's one of those under-ice volcanoes. Punk makes the obvious point that John Cena has no legitimate claim to a WWE Title match, at least not before him. Hey, Punk did beat him twice. In a row. On PPV. Punk is cashing in his rematch clause, but Cena wants his rematch "clause" too, but he has no legitimate claim to a rematch anyway. Del Rio doesn't care what either of them want, because he's not giving anyone a match in Canada of all places. I can't blame him. Those Canadians are totally prejudiced against Mexicans, not unlike their very tolerant and welcoming neighbors to the south!

Hey, Triple H waited a whole 11 minutes to show up, I'm proud! So apparently rematch clauses are not like Money in the Bank, you can't just cash them in whenever you want (nice to finally close that loophole), and Del Rio will face either Punk or Cena at Night of Champions... whoever wins tonight's main event! Oh yeah, shenanigans. Lots and lots of shenanigans. I expect a draw and a Triple Threat at NOC. Del Rio is in action next, but the opponent is a mystery.

Hey, it's John Morrison, not too surprising, but this should be a hell of a match if they get enough time. Although to be fair, I should probably stop adding "if they get enough time" to match descriptions, Raw's been on fire lately with strong, decent-length matches, especially in the opener and main event. As mentioned in my article earlier today about Rey Mysterio's injury, this could (perhaps SHOULD) be Morrison's opportunity to step up and become a top-tier guy and it looks like WWE's going to see how he performs against the WWE Champ.

Great action here, Del Rio is taking NASTY spills to the outside and throws a gorgeous German Suplex. John Morrison hits a hurricanrana that actually looked painful, when's the last time you saw one of those? Morrison in control, going for Starship Pain, but NO! Del Rio dodges, locks in the Cross Armbreaker and that's all she wrote for the Shaman of Sexy Parkour Wisdom. Excellent match, great showing for Morrison and Del Rio looks like a beast.

Kelly Kelly vs. Nikki Bella, but I'm more interested in the deliciously old school picture-in-picture promo from The Divas of Doom! Yes, more of that, please. Eve wins in a match that's more of what we're used to from the Divas, rather than the general improvement we've been seeing. Bummer.

USA's "The Walking Kev," is NEXT!

Or not. Jack Swagger vs. Alex Riley in a rmeatch from that unbelievably terrible segment from last week, but Vickie Guerrero is in Swagger's corner tonight. And instead of doing something cool like have Vickie expand her stable, "The Cougar's Cubs," Dolph Ziggler distracts Swagger and Riley picks up a pointless win. Hopefully this is leading to Swagger and Ziggler putting aside their differences and eventually forming an alliance, because the idea of Vickie bringing back the Heenan Family is far too tempting. Swagger and Ziggler would make an awesome tag team too.

Triple H out next to call out Big Daddy Crazy Sexy Cool, but where's the Diesel music? And where's the fringe-laden singlet? Nash apologizes if there was a miscommunication at SummerSlam, but insists that he's not going to let Punk talk trash. Triple H says that's fine, but he doesn't work for WWE, so Kev and Punk need to settle it outside of the company. Because not working for a wrestling company has always been a hurdle for Kevin Nash, right?

And cue CM Punk! The "habitual line stepper" wants to kick Kevin Nash's ass and his Just For Men hair. HHH gets in between them, which sends Punk off the rails, claiming the COO has had it in for him since day one. Punk insults Stephanie McMahon and Triple H gets pretty heated, which only encourages Punk more. "I'd hate for you to have to fold up that suit and put it in your wife's purse, where you keep your cell phone... and obviously your balls." With that, Nash decks Punk and the Kliq hightails it out of the ring. Pussies!

Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne team up to rid the world of the nightmare that is the Ughtunga/Imperfect Tag Team Title reign. McGillicutty & Otunga stink up the joint, as usual, but Kofi and Bourne do their damnedest to make things interesting... Trouble in Paradise from the apron, SHOOTING STAR! WOO! NEW TAG CHAMPS! About damn time and if you're going to rebuild a division, do it around these guys.

Backstage, Johnny Ace tells Triple H that Kevin Nash was in a car accident. There's nothing suspicious about that at all.

Hey, Santino has a match... against the concrete floor! TrueMiz attacks Santino during his entrance and it looks like the C-O-N-SPIRACY has boiled over! HOOOOLY SHIT, these two are just DOMINATING the microphone right now. Canada wasn't ready for this level of awesomeness and we've got ourselves the next great tag team. I know some people are going to yell at me for this, but these two just out-Punked CM Punk tonight.

Main Event time! John Cena vs. CM Punk and just to make things interesting, Alberto Del Rio and the Dynamic Dude are at ringside. Well, now I just want TrueMiz to strike and "take that opportunity." Have them lay out Punk and Cena and set up that Championship Scramble I've been begging for! C'mon WWE, do it for Razor!

Anyhoo, Cena throws his shirt to the crowd, Canada throws it back. John, next time just wrap it around a beer and they'll hang onto it.

Hot damn, these two are amazing together. I usually step away from my laptop during main events, but I am especially glad I gave this match my undivided attention. I daresay, no two guys in WWE have better chemistry with each other than CM Punk and John Cena. An excellent match, arguably as good as their previous two encounters, and just as Punk is firmly in control... Kevin Nash returns. Man, he healed from that car wreck pretty quick, must be the Secret of the Ooze.

Cena takes advantage of the distraction (coward!) hits the AA and wins. Wow, I did not see that coming, I thought for sure we were getting a triple threat at Night of Champions. Alberto Del Rio kicks the ever-loving shit out of Cena after the match though, that's pretty glorious, but I'm much more interested in Punk vs. Nash.

Great Raw. Swagger vs. Riley was meh and the Divas match was typical, but the rest of the show was very enjoyable. Great opening match, amazing main event, and plenty of fun in between. Definitely worth your two hours. Not much else to add, but if you missed it, make sure you catch a replay on Universal HD or YouTube.

The Very Best of WCW Monday NitroThe 50 Most Shocking, Surprising, Amazing Moments in WWE HistoryWWE: Greatest Stars of the New Millenium


  1. Wow, so much to talk about, but I'll keep it short since it's your show.
    How great does Vickie look lately? Notice King got through the segment without a fat joke? Personal best.
    TrueMiz, possibly the greatest tag team since ShowMiz. I didn't want Truth to go back to his old theme, but it works. He's not rapping for the Li'l Jimmies, he rapping AT them. I could do without the Chuck-Truth and Miz-vor Flav act, though.
    Always bet on Punk and Cena to deliver PPV quality main events. Not a PPV quality finish, however.
    Spoiler Alert: John L. faked the Kevin Nash accident to get rid of COOHHH (Bless you) so he can make the boss look more incompetent, and get him fired just like he got Vince fired. Then he'll rule Raw all by himself. Also, pretty sure he was the Anonymous GM all along.
    One last thing. How awesome is it that Punk has added the Randy Savage Elbow Drop? OOOOOHHHH YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!

  2. "Nasty" Nate LinehanAugust 23, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    Big Daddy Crazy Sexy Cool. Awesome.