Friday, July 1, 2011

Guest Post: Impact - June 30, 2011

A big thanks to my buddy Louis O'Hara, aka TKz, for providing this week's Impact review. If he's up for it, this will likely become a regular feature here at Kick-Out!! Enjoy... all four Impact fans!

Anyone that knows me or has even seen me post on a forum in a topic related to TNA will know that I’m not exactly a fan of the product. Love most of the wrestlers, but the storylines and the whole Hogan-Bischoff takeover just left me with a bad taste. As such, I’m usually pretty quick to just say ‘LOL TNA’ and move on without really giving it much of a try. And when I do try, I tend to just skip through it and not really pay much attention anyway. But, doing this review for Kickout-Wrestling will hopefully give me a reason to try and sit through each episode and pay more attention. I’ll also try and give it a fair review and go into the show with an open mind. Hopefully TNA will reward me for that with at least some decent wrestling and maybe some interesting storylines. And hopefully not much Abyss.

The show starts with a pretty interesting video highlighting Sting’s latest storyline where he seems to have gone a little bit nuts… working for TNA for long enough will do that to you I guess! (Kidding!) Looks pretty cool though.

The new Impact Wrestling opening video is pretty cool too. Very blue.

Hulk Hogan! Scott Steiner! This is how every wrestling show should start! But Sting is calling Hogan by his real name, Terry! Hogan walks over and sees… Sting on a monitor with his back to us. Until he turns around and it turns out that Sting has become The Joker from The Dark Knight in what is possibly the best evolution of a character ever.

Hogan makes his way down to the ring and calls Sting a coward before calling out Mr. Anderson, who sadly isn’t wearing the Old School Sting attire that I’ve heard of. Also hey, Mr. Anderson is TNA World Champion! I’m not a huge fan of the guy, but it’s always good to see someone that didn’t make it far in the WWE make it to the top somewhere else. Hogan offers Anderson a spot in Immortal and says you’re either with us, or against us.

Anderson says he can do it on his own like he did at Slammiversary (which, I guess he didn’t from the promo) but Hogan disagrees and thinks Anderson owes them one. Sting interupts on screen having beaten up Bully Ray, Scott Steiner and Abyss before appearing in the ring, taking out Hogan and running Anderson off! Sting delivers an epic, Joker styled promo and I can’t get enough of this. Sting is trying to get through to Hogan to bring back the old Hogan, not the Hollywood one. Stinger wants to feed the Hulkster his vitamins and man, Sting’s facial expressions are amazing. Sting puts him in the Scorpion Deathlock but Immortal interupts and saves their leader from a broken back. Bully Ray says their paths have never crossed and says that he can’t stand bullies. So it’s going to be Sting… vs. Scott Steiner.

Apparently there’s some kind of competition to decide who will be in the main event of Bound for Glory, decided on who has the most points that I’ll assume are given for wins and taken for losses. Looks like someone named Crimson is leading the charge and I honestly have no idea who that is. But hey, D-Von Dudley!

D-Von Dudley vs. Samoa Joe is our opening contest and I’ve always been a big fan of Joe, it’s nice to have a reason to watch him again. Fairly standard encounter, D-Von has never been that entertaining in singles matches but Joe makes up for it with some fun offence. D-Von also uses a Spear? Is that like a tribute to Edge or just something he started using? Joe goes for the pinfall... but then stops and goes for a submission? I suppose you get more points for submisions victories. I have to hand it to TNA, this is a pretty good idea and the stipulation of points is adding a lot to the match, with Joe going for submissions rather than the easy pins.

D-Von gets a pretty massive reaction which is kind of surprsing, I never knew he was such a favourite, especially over Samoa Joe. And I guess TNA is aware as D-Von gets the pinfall win after a GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME Spinebuster.

After the match, The Pope is pleased with D-Vons win. Cool, I guess?

Bully Ray hypes up Scott Steiner and I could listen to these two talk all day. "I haven't even got your cell phone number!" And meanwhile Kaz and Samoa Joe spend 3 minutes straight swearing at one another for some reason. Huh.

Seems like they're doing some kind of X-Division thing with past stars and hey it's Kaval! I mean, Low-Ki. Or Senshi. Or whatever. And hey, Jimmy Yang! As a one of the flying Elvises! Amazing. And Matt Bently! I don't know who Matt Bently is.

Matt Bently Vs. Jimmy Yang Vs. Low-Ki is the next match and... wow, Jimmy Yang. Flying Elvis. This guy just seems like he's all about having fun when wrestling. I always like to see the X-Division guys, I've never thought it should be the center of the promotion but it's something different that you won't get anywhere else on US television. And Jimmy Yang gets some insane air in this match, jumping over Bently and hitting Low-Ki on the outside! This guy needs a contract because he's just damn exciting to watch. Bently hits a pretty cool Cutter/DDT combination too, but Yang is easily the most entertaining so far. Low-Ki gets the win with a flying stomp thing, but he's just not as fun without LayCool. #IWantMoreJimmyYang

There's then a highlight package of the X-Division, but I don't really know why, it never explained. I get that Destination X is some kind of X-Division best of but I don't understand what's going on with it. Is there some kind of big match with all the ex-stars?

And something with Angelina Love, Winter and Madison Rayne. They were talking about lipgloss? And something about the Knockouts Championship.

And then we go to a bar where Samoa Joe assualts Kaz with a bottle. Seriously TNA? I get they want to be edgy, but this is just silly.

Miss Tessmacher, Tara and Mickie James Vs. Winter, Angelina Love and Madison Rayne is next and wow, Mickie has a big following. I'm looking forward to seeing the womens wrestling as it used to be a highlight of TNA. But then that was with Kong and The Beautiful People, I don't even know who Tessmacher is.

Never mind though as Tessmacher is eliminated as soon as I type that. Then Tara eliminated... and then her partners turn on Madison Rayne but then attack Mickie James? What? What is happening!? Then Winter and Angelina Love double team James and the referee doesn't seem to care. And now they're arguing about who gets to beat her up? James eliminates Love and we're down to James and Winter... until Mickie James gets the win with a DDT. Good for her.

Well, it's certainly not the Knockout division of old, but at least the Knockouts have characters.

Brian Kendrick! There's a video about Kendrick Vs. Abyss and whilst I don't like Abyss, I do like Kendrick. I've heard about Abyss having the X-Division title and naming it the Xtreme title, which kind of works. Didn't The Dudleys do this ages ago though? Either way, still cool. I'll never have a problem with seeing more Brian Kendrick, even if he does seem a lot more stoned this time around.

And now we have a contract signing for Destination X between AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels. I don't know what the contract is for (is a title on the line? or a shot?) or why they're fighting, but they seem real serious about it. Daniels say it's about the X-Division and taking it to the next level? And wow, I've never realised before quite how much Christopher Daniels looks like Richard Alpert from Lost. Probably the eyeliner. They sign the contract and hug, but then Jerry Lynn turns up!?

Jerry Lynn says the X-Division is about giving the fans something special, but I'm still not sure what this is all about. And then Rob Van Dam turns up! And he's either a bad guy or just kind of a douchey face. RVD says the entire X-Division is all about being Rob Van Dam and that he was X-Division before the X-Division.

Christopher Daniels says maybe none of them started the X-Division movement, but they've all helped perfect it. And since they've got one week left, why not have a Four Corners match? Hey, why not? Rob Van Dam Vs. Jerry Lynn Vs. AJ Styles Vs. Christopher Daniels! But before AJ can leave, he's attacked by... Gunner! Finally I know his name. AJ gets the upper hand and makes the ref ring the bell, I guess we've got a match!

AJ Styles Vs. Gunner in a Bound for Glory series match. Fairly standard match, I'm not overly impressed with this Gunner character through most of the match, but he did do a fairly awesome knee to the face of AJ. Always nice to see an AJ Styles match, even if I've never thought he was as wonderful as some people seem to think. At least he's not doing the Ric Flair 2.0 stuff. Gunner gets the win with a very poor Cyclone/F5. I think if you're going to use a move that Brock Lesnar made look awesome, you should probably make sure it at least looks good when you do it.

A quick video recap of Velvet Sky and ODB's feud also featuring Miss Jackie. And then Velvet Sky cuts a promo saying she's going to beat her up. It's a pretty bad promo, there's a good reason Angelina Love used to cut the promos. But then Velvet Sky Vs. ODB and Miss Jackie is the furthest thing from interesting I could possibly think of.

And hey, it's Hernandez with three other people! Called Mexican America and wow, this is pretty cool. It's not LAX, but I do love me some Super Mex. And the Knockouts Tag Championships are still around? They say they're better than Robert Roode and then The British Invasion turn up! I do like Magnus and Williams, but I miss Desmond Wolfe. The Brits say they've been through every team in Impact Wrestling... but they haven't been through them. I'm not sure if The Brits are the good guys or not, but if not, they should be. Mexican America attack The Brits... but Rob Terry makes the save. And he still scares me.

We then go to Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett in Mexico City. But they don't really explain why they're there or what they're doing. And by the end of the promo, I still don't know.

Bully Ray hypes up Immortal, only for them to discover that Abyss' mask is missing. Didn't he unmask last year anyway? I seem to remember him going by his real name as well.

Sting Vs. Scott Steiner is the main event of the night and I'm loving Crazy Sting. And I love me some of the Big Bad Booty Daddy... that came out wrong. And Steiner can't even wait for JB to finish announcing. Steiner keeps control to start and does Sting always wrestle with a shirt on? I'm not keen on that at all, ruins the mystique a little. Sting gets back into the match but I can't say this is much of a match, both men seem tired already. Sting hits Steiner with the Scorpion Deathdrop for the win to end an okay match.

After the match, Sting is about to pour... something, on to Steiner, but Bully Ray attacks. And then before Sting can pour whatever he was about to pour on Ray, Mr. Anderson attacks and leaves Sting to get beaten up by Immortal. And then Hogan slowly walks down to the ring and smacks Sting around a little before Kurt Angle makes the save! I was wondering where Angle was. I don't really understand why Angle got involved, I suppose he's still feuding with Jarrett and Jarrett is part of Immortal, but that was never really made clear.

Overall, I actually kind of enjoyed this episode of Impact. Sting was on top form, the wrestling was solid and apart from the Knockouts stuff and the Samoa Joe/Kaz crap, it was all pretty decent. Plus, plenty of Scott Steiner. Honestly, with WWE being fairly bland outside of a few storylines and CM Punk in general, it was a refreshing change.

1 comment:

  1. * The X-Division stars are all competing for spots in a match in Destination X, where the winner of said match gets a TNA contract.

    * The British Invasion are faces as far as I can tell.

    * Jeff & Karen are in Mexico because Jeff lost a "loser leaves TNA" type street fight to Kurt Angle, and promised if he lost he'd move to Mexico (incidentally, he's the new AAA world champion as well.)

    * Sting's been slathering people with facepaint. I dunno either.

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