Happy Memorial Day, wrestling fans! I have to admit, I'm kinda dreading tonight's Raw. I know I've made my "wrestling blahs" no secret this month, but with Kharma promising to address the WWE Universe tonight, coupled with all the rumors about her being out for the rest of 2011, I have a really bad feeling about tonight. This could be incredibly cringe-worthy. But we'll just have to wait and see and even if it's really bad, hopefully we'll be able to laugh about it on Twitter... between the internet poutrage, of course. Let's have fun tonight, refresh the page for ongoing live bloggin.
And after a nice Memorial Day video package, Raw begins to... technical difficulties. R-Truth is in the concession stand screaming a hollering, but we have no sound. Apparently he's cutting a promo on a bucket of popcorn? Cole & Lawler do they best they can to cover, even blaming Truth for "messing around by the wires earlier."
Things seem to be fixed when Truth makes it into the crowd, but there it goes again. Now we hear R-Truth yelling at people about 15 seconds before he actually yells at them. It's unfortunate and perhaps a bad omen for the evening, but it's kinda fun. C'mon, it's live TV, anything can happen!
John Cena heads to the ring in the middle of this and hey, things are fixed now! You know that's going to make the internet irate, John Cena saved WWE yet again! The two trade insults, Truth being as awesome as ever, and The G?M chimes in to make the match official. Tonight, it's R-Truth vs. John Cena... I expect serious shenanigans.
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler is our opening contest and I'm pretty sure this is a non-title match. Ziggler's blonde again and after going from bleach blonde to dark brown to bleach blonde in a two week span, he's lucky he still has any hair at all. These two guys are certainly no strangers to each other, they feuded basically all summer long on Smackdown last year, so I expect at least a solid match if they're given enough time.
Apparently not. I hate to use words like "sloppy" when describing a match, but these guys are not gelling at all tonight. They just stalled out in the middle of the ring, looking completely lost about what to do next. They work through it here at the end and Ziggler picks up a non-title win when Kofi fails to hit the SOS, but yikes, that wasn't pretty.
Alberto Del Rio is on his way to the ring in a beautiful Audi, presumably to address the situation from last week when Ricardo Rodriguez ran over the Big Show. And instead of letting a fantastic talker like Del Rio tell the story, we get an absurdly long video package that recaps not just the car hitting Big Show, but pretty much the entire Show/Kane vs. Nexus tag match that preceded it. Yawn. At least Del Rio gets a funny line in afterward, saying they're going to send Big Show a bill for the damage done to the car.
The Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly & Eve is our Diva portion of the evening and I'm bracing myself for Kharma. I even have my tray table up and my seat back in the full, upright position. No Kharma sighting in this match though, instead Kelly Kelly uses the Stink Face (siiiiiiiiiiiigh) and picks up the win for her team.
Investigative journalist, Michael Cole (he's covered wars, ya know) is in the ring to look into the Alex Riley/Miz situation. First revelation, Alex Riley has be re-signed by the Raw G?M, even though he was Drafted to Smackdown last month. A-Ri comes to ringside with some decent theme music, at least on such short notice, and gets quite a lecture from Cole. Cole tells Riley that he was like a son and a brother to The Miz... well, we are in Omaha.
Crowd solidly behind A-Ri here, when's the last time you saw that from a newly good guy character? A-Ri calls Cole a bigmouth, just like Miz, Cole calls Riley a bastard, and Cole gets knocked on his ass! Riley screams at Cole in the corner, gets blindsided by The Miz, but Riley fights back and the crowd is going bonkers once again! Of course, all the cheers in the world don't change the fact that A-Ri is a turncoat and ripped Miz's nice pink dress shirt. What a jerk.
Old rivalries continue this evening tonight with CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio. Look at WWE, trying to be all sweet to me with a Rey/Punk match before they break my heart with Kharma. Still, not going to look a gift horse in the mouth here, it's Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk on free TV, and it is glorious. I seriously don't get how people hate Rey Mysterio, he's so damn good. Everything he does is so fluid, so crisp and he always makes his opponent look incredibly dangerous.
Rey reverses the GTS into a rana and sets up the 619, Mason Ryan provides a small distraction, but Rey skins the cat back into the ring... right onto Punk shoulders! GTS coming, NO! Rey shoves off, but catches a NASTY kick to the skull and Punk wins! Rey's body is prone in the ring, but his head is in one of those buckets of popcorns R-Truth was yelling at earlier.
Kharma is in the ring and my stomach already hurts. This might be the first time I've ever heard Kong/Kharma speak. She says she's only had two dreams in life: to be a WWE Superstar (not Diva) and to be a mother... which she will be. So the rumors are true, which is shocking, but what shocks me more is they just let her go out there and be honest about it. So way to handle it with class and dignity, WWE. Bravo.
And that cues The Bellas and the fat jokes. Ah, of course. Kharma simply steps forward and sends the Bellas running though, and tells them she hops they're still here in one year. That turned out way better than I ever thought it would.
I'm sorry, the fake Obama press conferences are funny. I don't know why they insist on making it a "dream sequence," perhaps they think we're so stupid that we'll think it's real? Still, it's a fun homage to Weird Al Yankovic's "ALTV" bit and as a huge nerd and a political junkie, I welcome those things coming together.
Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger in a rematch from last week. The two take a NASTY~! spill to the outside, but luckily both guys are able to continue. Jack Swagger does some push-ups on Evan Bourne's ass (seriously), but Bourne isn't having any of Swagger's cockiness and rolls him up for a big upset win! Time for fake Evan Bourne push #6!
Main Event time! John Cena vs. R-Truth! Bell sounds at 11pm, no doubt there will be some serious shenanigans. Truth goads Cena outside the ring and tricks him into getting counted out! Hate to say I told ya so, but...
Obviously they weren't going to give this match away for free, I assume it'll be the Capitol Punishment main event. Though I don't know why Raw ended with this, would've been much better suited for the 10pm main event. R-Truth throwing a drink in a fan's face doesn't strike me as real cliffhanger, but that's the way things go sometimes, really a minor gripe.
I enjoyed Raw tonight. The wrestling was solid and pretty damn impressive for a Monday night, Alex Riley looked like a star, Punk and Mysterio tore the house down and R-Truth showed us he's crazy, not stupid. Most importantly of all, the Kharma situation was handled delicately and even though they put a small storyline spin on it, at least they didn't write her out with something hokey and insulting. Good show!