Monday, May 23, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - May 23, 2011

I've been talking about the "wrestling blahs" for the last few weeks, since WrestleMania really, but a surprisingly fun PPV last night has shaken things up a bit for me. I'm not sure that feeling will stick around and a lot of that hinges on tonight's Raw. If WWE's ready to start their summer arcs, that'll definitely be exciting, but with another round of Superman Cena last night, I'm concerned we may be in store for more wheel spinning. We'll have to see tonight! Refresh your page for ongoing coverage and follow me on Twitter for the lighter side of things.

In memory of "Macho Man" Randy Savage graphic before the start of the show. Hope we get some clips of Mach' throughout the night.

Jerry Lawler kicks things off, who is here to celebrate his de-feet (get it?!) of Michael Cole and introduce Bret Hart! Yeah, I'm never going to complain about a Raw that starts off with The Hitman! Bret explains he too was tired of listening to Michael Cole, but right now, he has to listen to R-Truth. Truth calls Bret a "90-time champion" and reminds us that he's never gotten a shot at the WWE Championship. Truth thinks it's because he never gave the "lil Jimmies" anything, and borrows Bret's sunglasses to put on a kid in the front row... then he took them back. Nice subtle tribute to Owen there.

Bret says Truth isn't getting championship matches because he's a "lunatic," and just when it looks like Truth is going to storm off (or perhaps get violent), the champ himself hits the ring. John Cena's ears were burning! Cena admits his hands have been full with The Miz, so he missed Truth going crazy, but Truth is happy to give him more batshit insanity. Seriously, how good is R-Truth right now? Calling Cena and Bret nothing more than propaganda tools, puppets for big business? Brilliant stuff. I've always felt the best bad guys speak the "truth," even if it is covered in insanity.

Cena seems happy to give Truth a title match though if it'll shut him up, but The G?M needs to see more. So in tonight's main event, it'll be R-Truth & CM Punk vs. John Cena & Rey Mysterio! Oh and Bret Hart will be the special guest referee!

Tag Team Championship on the line in our opening contest with Kane & Big Show vs. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty. Hey, those two do actually have a non-title win over the champs, so this makes sense... even if it does mean we have to watch Otunga and McGillicutty wrestle. At least CM Punk is on commentary though, can't argue with that. I'm pretty sure you could imagine how this match played out... if you could force yourself. JR would call it "bowling shoe ugly," but the crowd was at least into it. Lil Naitch goes down, Punk and Ryan interfere and guess what, we've got new Tag Team Champions. For those of you keeping score: David Otunga - 2 title reigns, Daniel Bryan - 1.

Backstage, Kane & Big Show are really angry about losing the Tag Titles, so Alberto Del Rio runs by and slaps Show in the face, just for shits and giggles. Big Show chases Del Rio backstage and gets hit by Ricardo Rodriguez, who was driving Del Rio's car! Someone really should put up a SHOW XING sign.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger up next? I am totally cool with that. Well, would've been if it was more than 30 seconds long. Swagger picks up the win after a HUGE Gutwrench Powerbomb, but at least Bourne got a little retribution during Jack's excessive celebration. Maybe they're going somewhere with this? How about we get Kofi Kingston and the US Title involved too?

Michael Cole comes to ringside and is greeted with a "YOU SUCK TOE!" chant, which is pretty funny. Unfortunately, the "WHUT?!" chants aren't far behind. Cole is offering apologies to everyone, from Lawler to the timekeeper. Lawler kinda accepts his apology, but makes fun of him some more and offers him a can of ALTOIDS. That's ALTOIDS! Available at a grocery store checkout line near you!

AAAAWWWWEEEEESSSSSOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEE!!!!!!!! The Miz has arrived! There is only one reason he lost last night and only one reason he's been losing all of his title matches lately, Alex Riley. Well, c'mon Miz, A-Ri is a bit of a buffoon, but it's really Mike Chioda's fault. The Miz demands one more title shot, this time with Riley banned from ringside and he won't leave until The G?M hears his request. But that incompetent GLaDOS wannabe chimes in and has the audacity to refuse?! He or she should be removed from power immediately!

Miz continues blaming Riley and unleashes a verbal assault unlike anything I've seen in quite sometime. Miz caps this off with a "YOU'RE FIRED!" that would make even Vince proud, but Riley goes ballistic and destroys The Miz. Psh, whatever, you're just another Virgil, enjoy your moment while it lasts, you'll be in candy cane tights in no time!

Eight-Diva Tag Match? Oh dear, WWE just set the table for a Diva Genocide! Sure enough, mere seconds into the match, here comes KHARMA! And instead of murdering the Divas... she sits down and cries? Well, that was weird. I swear if Kharma just wants to fit in with all the pretty girls, I will kick someone in the shin.

Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre is next and hey, Drew has loud pyro now. Decent little match, but the crowd is still dead from the bizarre twist the Kharma storyline just took and, ya know, Drew McIntyre has always had an iffy relationship with the crowd. Kofi picks up the win with the SOS and Dolph Ziggler is watching backstage with his recently re-bleached hair. Rejoice Vidal Sassoon fans, the hair is blonde again!

Well, I held it together all weekend until that Randy Savage tribute video. Gah, my heart is in my throat.

Main Event time! R-Truth & CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio & John Cena with Bret Hart as special guest referee! Punk is wearing a Randy Savage tribute outfit, Rey's wearing all black, and my heart is breaking once again. Honestly, how awesome is CM Punk for that outfit?!

Very typical main event tag match, but as those always go, the good guys have to win. Nothing wrong with that, it's all about having fun. Perhaps a little anticlimactic and predictable, but c'mon, the finish was Bret Hart locking CM Punk in a Sharpshooter while Rey Rey dropped the leg on him. That's how you send a crowd home happy. Oh and: "BRET SCREWED PUNK! BRET SCREWED PUNK! BRET SCREWED PUNK!"

Pretty good Raw. VERY nervous about this Kharma angle, but everything else was pretty fun. Truth is fantastic, A-Ri turning on The Miz could be interesting and a star making moment for Riley and it looks like they may do something with Evan Bourne! Wrestling blahs cured? Well, let's see where they go with Kharma, but two nights in a row of enjoying WWE programming? That's a good start.

The Life and Times of Mr. PerfectWWE: Macho Madness - The Randy Savage Ultimate CollectionBrian Pillman: Loose Cannon


  1. Ah, I didn't put it together why Rey was wearing all black. Nice catch.

  2. "Where'd you learn how to count? Canada?" I Heart CM Punk!

  3. Punk was definitely the MVP of the night.

  4. Why is Punk awesome? That whole finish was predicated on everything he did in the match. He hit the Russian legsweep, laughed in Bret's face. He pointed (I think) at Bret and laughed, then hit the second rope elbow. A few minutes later, he hit the back breaker. Without Punk goading Bret like that, the punch at the end of the match was just him being a jerk. It's a shame the announcers never mentioned it.

  5. JD, great eye. I missed the backbreaker while writing about the show and never even put it all together that Punk busted out the Five Moves of Doom. Great storytelling and I wouldn't be surprised if Punk plotted out the entire match himself.

  6. It occured to me last night that since the Nexus won the tag titles, they can compete on both shows. Meaning we may see Nexus/Corre Round 2 on Friday Night.

  7. Good thing I'm still not watching Smackdown.

  8. "I swear if Kharma just wants to fit in with all the pretty girls, I will kick someone in the shin."

    HAHA! The rumormill is swirling with what the deal with Kharma might be...but I put a very similar thing about Kharma on my blog (Except I'm punching people in the face). Great minds... I hope they never do that angle with her though!

    I put you on my blogroll a while ago and I'm glad I did. We have many of the same thoughts. I hope there is a Riley/Miz feud and Monday's match was the start of Bourne being utilized correctly. We'll see! Great post!