Monday, April 4, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - April 4, 2011

The Hall of Fame ceremony is wrapping up and we're less than 24-hours removed from WrestleMania 27, which has sharply divided fans. I found the show to be quite odd and you can get my full thoughts here, but like I always say, WWE lives in the now. WrestleMania was last night, now it's time to start building to that upcoming John Cena vs. The Rock match. Rock's in the building, Trish Stratus just posted on Twitter that she's lacing up her boots, and it looks like we'll the Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus match that got bumped off the card last night. And Jim Ross is on commentary! Oh and you know, The Miz is still WWE Champion! I was a little disappointed by WrestleMania, but hey, bring on Raw! Refresh your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's show and follow me on Twitter for ongoing absurdity.

JR doing the intro is how every Raw should start.

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! MUHUHUHUA! Triple H is kicking things off tonight and he's wearing sunglasses because he has an Undertaker hangover. The crowd starts a "YOU TAPPED OUT!" chant, which is pretty funny, and Triple H is as close to humbled as Triple H is ever going to get. The Game really pushes the idea that he's never hit harder and has never been hit harder, but Taker just kept coming. Even insists that there's nothing supernatural about The Undertaker, he's just the toughest man he's ever been in the ring with. HHH thanks The Phenom and says he'll be waiting when The Undertaker returns. SummerSlam?

Back from commercial and Michael Cole would like to have your attention please! Cole's still rocking his prison singlet and headgear, hey he doesn't want cauliflower ear! Cole is 1-0 at WrestleMania and insists that he's the new Mr. WrestleMania. Jerry Lawler, who is dressed to compete, calls Cole a "worthless jackass" and reminds us that The G?M reversed the decision after Cole tapped out. Cole proposes a "rematch" and Lawler naturally accepts, but it's not a rematch from last night, it's a rematch from last week against Jack Swagger! Oh Cole, you're so clever.

Jack Swagger vs. Jerry Lawler is our opening match of the evening and hot damn, Jerry still throws some of the best punches in the industry today. Lawler gets a burst of offense, but Cole provides the distraction, allowing Swagger to apply the Ankle Lock and the King has no choice but to tap out. Swagger refuses to let go though and JR screams "BREAK THE HOLD, DAMMIT!" and the referee reverses the decision, giving King the win. Hey, turnabout's fair play. Cole is throwing a fit at ringside and squirts BBQ sauce on good ol' JR (what a dick), and JR responds by throwing his headset and chasing Cole away. Fun opening, honestly, I may have enjoyed it more than last night.

Cole is on a tirade after commercial and unfortunately he's on commentary along with Mathews and Booker T. Boo, bring back King and JR! And double boo, Randy Orton is here.

Randy Orton & Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk & Cody Rhodes should be an awesome tag match though. Already off to a good start since we got Orton's Flying Dick Thrust™ out of the way early, hopefully this match gets a decent amount of time after commercial. I hope Cody beats the holy hell out of Orton for holding him back in Legacy for all those years, he could've been WWE Champ by now! Hell of a match though, an incredibly long match for Raw as well, and after Punk practically abandons Rhodes, Mysterio hits a 619 and Orton hits the RKO for the win. Boo cubed! Cody should be immune to the 619 and the RKO, he's got a mask that's made out of mystery material. Booker T doesn't know what it's made out of, my guess is that it was forged in the fiery pits of Mordor.

Friggin' Randy Orton, can this dude lose ONE match, please?!

Stone Cold is backstage! Triple H is too! Austin congratulates HHH on a hell of a match and they shake hands. Nice to see Triple H was willing to forgive being dropped from a crane.

STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! The Rattlesnake is here for the 10pm main event and I'm sure he'll remind us to watch WWE Tough Enough, which premieres tonight after Raw in case you haven't heard.

Hey, have you heard WWE Tough Enough premieres tonight after Monday Night Raw?

Stone Cold brings out the Tough Enough kids and the crowd is not impressed, but can you blame them since they're coming out to the worst music ever? My ears are not Tough Enough. They all introduce themselves, the guys get booed (especially Fabio's Son) and all the ladies get cheered. No matter who wins Tough Enough, I guaran-damn-tee that Rima Fakih will get hired by WWE and that Eric Watts will be better than Erik Watts. The crowd starts a "STUN THEM ALL" chant and as awesome as that is, it's not as awesome as TEAM AWESOME, THE MIZ has arrived!

I didn't realize how NASTY~! Miz's spill over the guardrail last night, supposedly he suffered a concussion. Miz, as usual, is on fire here and taunting the Tough Enough kids, telling them it's the closest they'll ever get to a WWE Title. The Most Must-See WWE Champion in history turns his attention to the Rattlesnake, asking Stone Cold if he wants to hold the championship or if he wants to clear the ring and have one more match. Stone Cold responds with "clear the ring" and I've got goosebumps. Miz strikes and leaves the ring, already proving he's faster and stronger than Stone Cold, but Alex Riley sticks around and gets a mudhole stomped in his ass. Sorry, A-Ri, but you gotta take the Thesz Press, the Stone Cold Elbow and a Stunner too! Stone Cold has a beer bash with the Tough Enough kids, but you couldn't beat The Miz, could you Steve?!

Michael Cole telling Steve "I'm gonna get electrocuted" when he threw Keystone into the Cole Mine was hilarious though.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Evan Bourne is our next match and Del Rio doesn't have the punch-me smile going on tonight. Bad news for Bourne, he's going to get his ass handed to him. I love the idea of Del Rio becoming this vile, vicious monster after having his destiny taken away from him last night, could be the edge the character needs. Evan Bourne looks somewhat impressive though, going for the Shooting Star, but Del Rio with that BEAUTIFUL top rope enzuigiri sends Bourne crashing to the mat and landing right on his hip. Ow. Del Rio locks in the Cross Armbreaker and this one's over... definitively.

Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero vs. John Morrison & Trish Stratus is next... Morrison doesn't stand a chance without Snooki winning his matches for him, she was the WrestleMania MVP! Vickie looks phenomenal out there against Team Rubber Pants as well, her cartwheel was absolutely beautiful! On a more serious note, Ziggler hit a HUGE German Suplex and would've won the match if it weren't for Trish interfering. Hey, she just broke mixed tag rules, disqualify her! Good guys win yet again, even though they have to cheat without Snooki.

US Title on the line with Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan and I love Sheamus' new red, white and blue ring attire, it's slick. Daniel Bryan is getting his ass kicked here and I think it's because Sheamus loves America more. Match is too short though and the crowd was just getting into it right as Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick for the win. Sheamus continues his assault on Bryan after the match, but SIN CARA makes the save, diving into the ring, over the top rope, FROM THE FLOOR! Sin Cara with a beautiful springboard rana, sending Sheamus to the outside and then a ridiculously high cross body, and I'm pretty sure air traffic control had to clear that dive.

John Cena is here in his new gear that looks a little too similar to the Confederate flag. You Can't Secede Me! John Cena's not a complainer though, if The Rock didn't get involved last night, the WrestleMania main event would've ended in a draw. Cena even go so far to congratulate The Miz because it doesn't matter how you do it, all that matters is that you did it. That's right The Miz humbled John Cena, that's gotta be a first. But that brings us back to The Rock and it looks like these two have some things to discuss.

IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEELL! The Rock has arrived on Monday Night Raw and somehow I don't think this one's going to end in a man hug. The Rock admits that he actually does respect John Cena, he just doesn't like him. The two trade barbs once again, but Cena gets down to brass tax and say talking is over, The Rock needs to bring it... in a match! Oh my God, it's happening.

The Rock tells Cena he has no idea what he's gotten himself into... OMG OMG OMG... the match is on! And it's not just any match, it's going to be on the grandest stage of them all, WrestleMania 28! Yeah, they could've done it at SummerSlam and made SummerSlam the biggest of all-time, but c'mon, this is a WrestleMania match and it's going to happen at WrestleMania in The Rock's hometown on Miami!

For some reason, The Corre comes to ringside and promptly get their asses handed to them with a Five Knuckle Shuffle, a People's Elbow, an Attitude Adjustment and a Rock Bottom. Thanks for playing kids, now GTFO and let us enjoy this moment. Rock vs. Cena, WRESTLEMANIA! Though I wouldn't be surprised if we see Cena & Rock team up against The Corre at some point just to keep this thing interesting for a year.

Excellent Raw... I hate saying it, but in a way, it was a better show than WrestleMania, mainly because it was free. There was a good amount of wrestling tonight, good WrestleMania fallout, great side stuff with Miz and Austin and of course, history was made. John Cena vs. The Rock is happening, after years of saying "never" The Rock is getting back in a WWE ring. This is the show people will be talking about for a long time.

The John Cena ExperienceThe Rock: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports EntertainmentWWE: DX: One Last Stand


  1. it's not the lou thez press anymore. It's the snooki press! :)

  2. Was Sin Cara not a little too...Power Ranger like for anyone's taste? The fact that he can jump that high is certainly amazing and that plancha got monstrous height, but all the dramatic pointing and whatnot.

    Also, I worry about speedy guys in WWE. He looks awesome NOW, but how long before he's going down to Brogue Kick/Knockout Punch/etc?

  3. With all the hype and fanfare, I have to think that Sin Cara was brought in to eventually take Mysterio's place as WWE's marquee luchador. With the company becoming such a big deal in Mexico, I don't think they brought him in to be Evan Bourne.

    That's not to say he'll instantly or permanently be a main eventer. Rey Rey gets shuffled around the card all the time and I wouldn't be surprised if Sin Cara does the same, but I think he's going to be a big deal for WWE.

  4. I saw someone commenting elsewhere that they hoped Sin Cara didn't get an 'English voice over like Kaientai'. But you don't get months of hype in order to be anything but a star. My only gripe was that Sin Cara didn't enter the arena in a more flamboyant manner. But I guess the super-human leap was the set piece of that entrance.

  5. He had a trampoline for gawd's sake!