Monday, March 21, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - March 21, 2011

WWE's coming off a great week, we're 13 days away from WrestleMania, so let's hope they can continue the momentum heading into this week. As usual, we're live blogging tonight, so please refresh your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's show.

And we start with Michael Cole rehashing the Oklahoma gimmick. Lovely. Although Cole sticking his tongue out at Lawler might be the greatest facial expression on a wrestling show since Miz Girl.

Once Cole is safely within the Cole Mine, Triple H heads to the ring with an entrance so long it would make Randy Orton blush. Obviously he's here to talk about The Undertaker and says that The Streak is bigger than every championship he's ever held. Not that I disagree, but a pretty bold statement to make, even if titles were more "prestigious" today (I kinda hate typing that), no one can lay claim to a feat as cool as Undertaker's WrestleMania Streak. Good stuff from The Game, then the antithesis of good, Ted DiBiase interrupts. DiBiase tries making a name for himself at the expense of Triple H and gets the Sheamus treatment for his efforts. Well, I'm never going to complain about Ted Jr. getting a Pedigree through a table! Nice to see Triple H getting revenge on behalf of charisma after DiBiase killed it.

Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus is our opening contest and is criminally short. Bourne misses the Shooting Star Press and gets a Brogue Kick. So much for capitalizing on Bourne's big return, I suppose. Sheamus gets on the mic and declares himself the United States Champion (pssst, we know); Daniel Bryan interrupts the new champ and wants to invoke his rematch clause at WrestleMania. Sheamus responds by kicking him in the face... I'll take that as a yes?

Randy Orton gives an interview outside his private bus, because he thinks he's too good to travel with the rest of the roster!

Maryse vs. Eve is our Divas contest for the evening and shocker, Michael Cole interrupts them once again, telling them to hurry it up. This would never happen during a men's match. Eve wins, but no one cares, especially WWE themselves.

The Corrrrrrrre vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov is next, literally 100% of the WWE Tag Team Division is in the ring right now. Children of the Corre pick up an easy win, go for the post-match beat down, but Big Show & Kane save the day and I think we have our eight-man tag at WrestleMania set. Boo! I wanted Diesel.

The Rock will be live on Raw next Monday night, could we finally get the epic confrontation next week? Of course, I'm talking about The Miz kicking his ass.

John Cena is here... via satellite! Cena is at home due to injuries, but he's still in his ring attire, just in case a match breaks out there. He vows to confront The Rock next week and really puts over The Miz as a guy that's so tough, he sidelined John Cena. Simple, short and effective, this was Cena at his absolute best.

Michael Cole is in the ring to talk about his "main event" match with Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania and he has the "Lawler Family Photo Album." Cole is a complete dick here, calling Lawler's dead dad a "gutless coward" and a "bully," just like Lawler. Cole says the entire Lawler family is a bunch of losers, King tries to get at him, but gets clotheslined by Jack Swagger for his troubles and then receives the dreaded Ankle Lock/An-Cole Lock combo. "Tap out, Lawler! Tap out! Tap Out! Tap out, Lawler!" Ugh, I cannot wait to see Lawler Piledrive this son of a bitch.

Former World Champion, Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison is our next match and Vickie Guerrero, LayCool and Trish Stratus are all at ringside. Fun little start to the match, but quickly descends into chaos when all the outside players get involved. The G?M chimes in an makes it a 4-on-2 handicap match with Trish & JoMo taking on Ziggler, LayCool & Vickie Guerrero. Well that seems silly, the good guys being at a disadvantage is a bit random and they're pretty much just giving away the Mania match. I suppose Snooki is the selling point of that though?

I guess I should just be happy a match has lasted long enough to go to commercial break? Fun match, but I have to call shenanigans on the ending. Ziggler hit Morrison with the Zig-Zag and let Vickie get the pin (prepare for a smark explosion in 3... 2...) but it was mixed-tag rules! Vickie was ineligible against Morrison, Scott Armstrong just screwed over the good guys again. Perhaps it was his evil twin, Earl Armstrong?

Love this new hype video for Triple H vs. Undertaker with Superstars of the past and present talking about how big this match is. Okay, NOW I'm excited for the match.

Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio in a "WrestleMania Rewind" match (minus Kurt Angle) is what I expect to be the final match of the evening. Rey's got his black and yellow on for the Pittsburgh audience and I have no idea why he's trying to get me to root for Randy Orton. Seriously though, if anyone can make Orton exciting, it's Rey Rey.

Unfortunately, the match is cut pretty short, but fortunately, it's by CM Punk, who is outside Randy Orton's tour bus. Punk just wants to introduce himself to Mrs. Orton, but since Randall is devoid of any class or courteousness, he's not aware that this is a polite thing to do and got himself counted out. While Randy was carelessly running to his bus, his leg ran right into CM Punk's wrench, he was just trying to fix the tire! Randy's wife screamed in fear, but surely she knew something like this could happen to her husband after he assaulted Stephanie McMahon two years ago.

Main Event time! And what else could be your main event tonight, other than the Most Must-See Champion in WWE History... THE MIZ?! And hey, A-Ri is back, he's no longer an apprentice, he's the Vice President of Corporate Communications! The Miz is also wearing the most awesome shiny suit ever, it's made out of 100% pure Na'vi hide.

The Miz is the Muhammed Ali and Michael Jordan of 2011, more dominant than Andre the Giant and more charismatic than Shawn Michaels, so tonight, he rewrites Miz-tory by turning the WWE logo upside down. It's now an "M," which stands for "Miz," in case you didn't know. The WWE logo on the WWE Championship has been adjusted accordingly as well!

John Cena appears on the TitanTron and guess what, his "home" is actually a set backstage. That's actually pretty funny, much like Austin's "is it live or is it Memorex" bit from 97. Cena is not via satellite, he's in the arena, but Miz will fend him off with his table shield! Oh come on Miz, don't throw the table shield! Oh well, at least there's your human shield, Alex Riley, who gets an STF for his troubles and Cena stands triumphant to close the show.

Terrible Raw. Definitely a placeholder show for next week, but give me a break, they haven't done enough for the WrestleMania build to just sit back and relax this week. There's ONE show left and while I'm sure they're going to go all out for it, they must really be banking on The Rock's mere presence to sell WrestleMania this year. I still think the show is going to surprise a lot of folks, but shows like tonight's, with 13 days to go, just seems counter-productive. There was some good stuff on this show, most notably Michael Cole's bit and the Taker/Triple H hype video, but there are still so many wrinkles that need to be ironed out. Next week is the go-home show and they really have to go big.

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3 comments:

  1. I've obtained the following report from the WWE Creative meeting this past week:

    GEWIRTZ: "Oh snap! We killed off Nexus early! We've got two more weeks of build! What else can we draw on?"
    LOMBARDI: "Maybe Orton has some ideas? He's on his way to the arena on his bus right now, so--"
    GEWIRTZ: "HIS BUS! BRILLIANT!"

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  2. I'm convinced since they were in Pittsburgh, they got confused about why everyone kept talking about "The Bus" and wanted to do something with it.

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