Monday, February 21, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - 2.21.11

2.21.11 is upon us, we're fresh off a rock solid Elimination Chamber PPV and there are no more detours on the Road to WrestleMania. Oh and hey, The Rock came back last week and badmouthed John Cena, I bet he'll have something to say about that tonight. Refresh your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's show and if you'd like, you can follow me on Twitter for ongoing ridiculousness.

Raw is live and it's counting down one hour until the mystery behind 2.21.11 is revealed. The 5 in 59 looks like an "S" though, and you know whose name starts with the letter "S?" That's right... Santino.

Looks like we're gonna start things off with Mr. Fruity Pebbles himself, John Cena! Looks like Cena's feeling a little bittersweet about his Elimination Chamber win last night, probably has something to do with a few thousand people screaming "ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!" Cena claims he doesn't know what to say, was even going to let it slide because "it's The Rock" - which was counterargument to anything negative said about The Rock's return last week - but instead he's going to give The Rock a lesson in Thuganomics!

Cena just delivered his best freestyle since the time he accused Eddie Guerrero of serving him mild sauce. For all those people talking about "burials" last week, I think Cena just bought Rocky's plot. If you missed this segment tonight, you'll be watching it on YouTube a couple dozen times this week. Classic Cena, responded exactly how he should have, he wasn't cutesy "aw shucks" Cena, he was an a-hole, and pulled it off brilliantly.

CM Punk vs. John Morrison is our opening contest of this evening and these guys are moving gingerly after both suffered leg injuries in the Elimination Chamber last night. Pretty short match with Punk picking up a clean win after basically destroying Morrison's knee, opening the door wide open for the Go To Sleep. Punk grabs the mic after the match and calls out "Randall Keith Orton," and that coward tries to sneak attack our Straight Edge Savior, but Punk wisely manages to avoid the RKO. Punk did Orton a favor because if he would've stayed in the ring, Orton would've never made it to WrestleMania!

Alberto Del Rio makes his way to the ring in a freakin' Lamborghini, but is attacked during his entrance by Kofi Kingston, who proceeds to get his ass kicked. Dear WWE, Kofi is the GOOD GUY, he's not supposed to attack people from behind, especially people like Alberto Del Rio, whose only crime is beating Kofi fair and square, twice. This is why WWE is having such terrible luck with building faces, they make them do stupid stuff like this so they can be "edgy" like Stone Cold. Kofi can do cool stuff like destroying someone's car or putting them through a table when he's been wronged, but with Del Rio, he just looks like a sore loser who's not in his league.

AWWWEEESSSOOOMMMEEE! The Most Must-See WWE Champion in history, The Miz is here, fresh off his awesome match with Jerry Lawler at Elimination Chamber last night. Now it's his turn to respond to The Rock, and he bashes the Great One for his weak insult last week, simply saying "Miz sucks?" Kindergartners come up with better one-liners than that! Miz is so hurt by that, he has to check his tears in his WWE Championship! Miz is, well, awesome as usual, but for some reason The G?M chimes in to make a match tonight - The Miz & John Cena vs. The Corre for the WWE Tag Team Titles. To quote the champ, REALLY?! REALLY?! WrestleMania opponents being forced to team up and challenge for the Tag Titles? They do this every... freaking... year.

The Bellas vs. Gail Kim & Eve next, and at least now that the Bellas are heels, it makes sense that they cheat. Hey, bad guys acting like bad guys, that makes sense!

3 minutes until 2.21.11!

And OMG! IT'S STING! STING IS IN WWE! He's just wearing a very clever Undertaker costume! It's totally a work!

Seriously though, The Undertaker has returned to WWE!

AND SO HAS TRIPLE H!

When's the last time WWE had two major returns like this happen at the same time? Ever? I'm sure some folks are going to whine about this, but I don't see any reason to not run this match at WrestleMania. It's been ten years since their last Mania match and the story tells itself, watch this segment, they didn't even have to say one word to each other and the crowd knew exactly what was up. Undertaker vs. Triple H, WrestleMania, The Game is trying where HBK failed. Simple, effective, and a true Mania main event.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry next and I do feel bad for Sheamus, who had a ready made feud with Triple H waiting for him, that is now seemingly on the back burner. Tough break, but it could be worse, his WrestleMania opponent could be the Ultimate Warrior. Or he could lose to Mark Henry, like he did here. Pointless loss for Sheamus, unless they're serious about pushing Henry, which they're not.

Confrontation backstage between Sheamus & Daniel Bryan. There ya go, Sheamus vs. Bryan at Mania for the US Title, that's a match and feud I can get behind and it's exactly what both guys need.

And our next 2011 Hall of Fame inductee has been announced, it's "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. Random fact: I hated Hacksaw when I was a kid, I found him to be annoying, but I've really come around on him since his mini-return to WWE. Good for Hacksaw, still wrestling after all these years too, he's earned it.

Michael Cole, who's covered wars, ya know, will interview Jerry "The King" Lawler next! At this point, Lawler can do no wrong, he has the crowd in the palm of his hand and is somehow has the crowd going absolutely bonkers for a potential WrestleMania match with Michael freaking Cole. Cole bringing Lawler's dead mom into it, saying Lawler let her down, got MEGA heat (probably Lawler's idea too), and it's going to be a thing of beauty when Cole takes a Piledriver at WrestleMania. Great segment, and sets up the annual "sideshow" Mania match well.

Main Event time! The Corre vs. The Miz & John Cena with the Tag Team Titles on the line, but I still have no idea why this match is happening. And hey, The Miz just beat the WWE Tag Team Champions all by himself and just won the belts. Every. Friggin. Year.

Oh let's just make it more confusing, The Corre is invoking their rematch clause right now, because apparently rematch clauses work like Money in the Bank now. This makes my brain hurt. Miz costs Cena the "rematch" and the belts go back to The Corre... couldn't we have done that without the stupid title change? Why would Miz want to win the belts then turn on his partner and lose them ten minutes later? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID ending that did nothing for anyone involved and did nothing for WrestleMania. I'm prone to hyperbole now and again, so maybe I'm wrong, but I honestly think that might be the dumbest finish to Monday Night Raw that I've ever seen.

Okay, so if someone was talking, or even just using body language, Raw was awesome tonight. Cena's response to The Rock was epic, and I never use the word "epic," The Miz's promo was golden, Undertaker and Triple H selling a PPV without words was a testament to their legacies, Sheamus and Daniel Bryan teasing a feud was cool and Cole vs. Lawler was intense. Huge thumbs up there.

But typical Diva garbage, Kofi Kingston getting punked, Sheamus getting demolished by Mark Henry for no reason whatsoever, and that awful, embarrassing and intelligence-insulting main event were infuriatingly bad. The only exception for the in-ring action was Punk and Morrison, who had a decent little TV match, selling the devastating effects of the Chamber, but everything else in the ring was terrible.

So how do I grade this Raw? There was some really strong Mania hype and we got the return of The Undertaker and Triple H, but the ending of this show was so bad, I have to give the show a reluctant thumbs down. This is the Road to WrestleMania, WWE, you can do better.

WWE: The Undertaker's Deadliest MatchesTriple H: King of Kings - There is Only OneThe John Cena Experience

5 comments:

  1. here's hoping we get a lesson in thuganomics tonight

    ReplyDelete
  2. Scott Armstrong returns now, and reffing a CM Punk Match! Awesome ... I can dig it.
    Oh, and the John Cena thing was good :)

    ReplyDelete