Monday, January 3, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - January 3, 2011

It's the first WWE show of 2011, I'm going to type words that sum up my ongoing thoughts for the purposes of entertaining you a little bit. I would appreciate it if you refresh your page for continuing coverage of tonight's sports entertainment event.

And the first televised match in WWE in 2011 is for the WWE Championship!? When's the last time that happened? The time Jericho beat Triple H? Regardless, the title is on the line right now with the Must-See WWE Champion, The Miz taking on John Morrison! And these two aren't wasting any time, match starts on the outside with the two brawling up the ramp and culminating with Morrison diving off the giant "W" (or "WW") on the stage with a high cross body! Holy Shnikes! Too bad he didn't get the "W" with that move... YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Match moves inside with Morrison firmly in control and the crowd firmly behind him, but good ol' A-Ri is doing what he's being paid in college credit to do, protect The Miz at all costs. Morrison takes him out of the equation with a nasty leaping knee to the face while Riley sits on the guardrail. Loving this match!

Miz finally in control after commercial and demonstrating a level of viciousness that we've never seen from him before. Back body drops onto guardrails, stiff knees to the skull, hiptosses onto the steel ramp, this is The Miz I want to see more of in the ring. Back and forth action with the crowd red hot for the whole thing, Morrison hits Starship Pain, but Miz kicks out! Look at the Fighting Spirit of The Miz! Outside Morrison puts Miz on a table and goes for an outside the ring Starship Pain and MISSES NASTILY!!! NASTY! NASTY! NASTY! Morrison managed to kick-out(!!) of that, but not a Skullcrushing Finale on the floor and The Miz retains the WWE Title.

Last year's Raw started with the long-awaited return of Bret "Hitman" Hart, and nothing's going to take away the magic from that moment, so how do you follow up in 2011? How about one of the best opening matches in the history of Monday Night Raw? Sorry for going all play-by-play guy on you for this one, but there's really nothing else I could've said about this match. The Miz has been solidified as WWE Champion, John Morrison is the real deal and the first match of 2011 is a very, very early candidate for TV Match of the Year. Fan-friggin-tastic stuff.

Melina, Maryse & Alicia Fox vs. Natalya, Eve & Brie Bella in six-Divas tag action has the unfortunate task of following Miz vs. Morrison. Tough break for the Divas, but I have a feeling this match won't be nearly as enjoyable as what Natalya, Beth Phoenix and LayCool have been doing on Smackdown anyway. Spoiler: I was right. Good gal team picks up an anticlimactic win with Eve pinning Melina, who's supposed to be the #1 contender to the Divas Title. #WeWantKong.

The Usos vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov next and Tamina has officially left The Usos?! Come on Tamina, bros before Santinos! Even more bizarre, The Usos won, which might be the most shocking moment of 2011.

Luckily after those tag matches, things are looking back up again with the arrival of your savior, CM Punk. Any doubt that he's your savior? Just check the Sharpie Stigmata in the palm of his hand! CM Punk makes it clear that he's the leader of Nexus and that he will take over Monday Night Raw, but Wade Barrett has something to say about that. Too brief of a war of words here, these two could have a great back and forth, but The G?M chimes in to announce a Triple Threat Cage Match to determine the #1 contender: Wade Barrett or CM Punk vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton. Punk lets Barrett compete for the shot and if he wins, he'll remain leader of Nexus, but if Barrett loses, he's out. Ugh, I don't like this at all. Punk working for Barrett doesn't make sense, Barrett out of Nexus doesn't make sense and I'd rather take a swift kick to the crotch than see Randy Orton get another PPV title match. Blurg.

Hey, Smackdown's Alberto Del Rio is here. Which is the cue for all the smarks to complain, "OMG THEY DON'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE BRAND SPLIT!" even though WWE's does this every single year between Rumble time and WrestleMania. Del Rio claims it's his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but R-Truth disagrees. Hey, remember him?! Impromptu match underway and this one could be pretty enjoyable if the crowd's into it. Sadly, not really the case, but the match itself wasn't bad and Del Rio picked up a big win with the Cross Armbreaker.

Backstage, Randy Orton claims he was "too nice" in 2010 and the year "meant nothing" to him. So winning the WWE Title was meaningless and he vows to be more evil in 2011... and people actually cheer for this guy?

Main Event time! King Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton in a triple threat cage match to determine the #1 contender for the WWE Championship to face The Miz at the Royal Rumble. Try saying that out loud and you'll pass out from lack of oxygen. It's an escape-only cage match though, which is pretty cool, I miss those, but why is there a referee in the ring? Mike Chioda's gonna become the #1 contender!

This match just isn't doing it for me, but hey, CM Punk is here to help Wade Barrett! Okay, not exactly, he ripped the Nexus armband off Barrett and kicked him in the face, giving Orton the opening he needed to walk right out the door. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Sorry, there's no way in hell Orton will have one-tenth of the match with Miz that Morrison had tonight, but I guess this means he won't be winning the Royal Rumble, so at least we have that going for us.

Blah. The first Raw of 2011 started off with a fantastic match - the 2011 Match of the Year, so far!!! - but it was all downhill from there. The other matches didn't really click and Randy Orton is here to bore us to tears again. I also have no idea where they're going with Wade Barrett; CM Punk as the new leader of Nexus works, but Barrett out of the loop seems like bad news for his future, at least for now. Again, an awesome start, but I would've gladly sacrificed it if it meant Morrison and Miz would lock up at the Rumble instead. That's a match I don't mind paying $50 for, but another friggin Orton main event? BORING. Quit playing it safe, WWE!

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1 comment:

  1. At this means Orton won't win the Royal Rumble, right? Just trying to find a silver lining, Miz and Orton is a pretty meh match, and that's no way a shot at Miz.