Monday, January 17, 2011

WWE Raw thoughts - January 17, 2011

Hey, it's tonight's Raw live blog! Stick around, join the discussion in the comments section and follow the extra absurdity on Twitter. And while you're here, please enter the Kick-Out!! Rumble, your chance to have your own Opening Bell segment on a future episode of Kick-Out!! Radio. As for Raw, remember to refresh your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's show!

And we're starting things off with John Cena, who apparently heals faster than Wolverine. Cena's got three resolutions for 2011: 1. take out CM Punk, 2. win the Royal Rumble, and 3. win the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. Well, instead of getting CM Punk, that's the cue for the Most Must-See WWE Champion in History, The Miz, and his title isn't going anywhere! Could we perhaps be sowing the seeds for Miz vs. Cena at WrestleMania 27 with the WWE Title on the line? Cena's gotta get through 39 other guys to get there though, because it is the first-ever 40-man Royal Rumble. Cena goes into Open Mic Night Mode (boo, I prefer the Reverend Cena), and thankfully Miz calls him out for being corny. Miz mentions that he's going to destroy Orton at the Rumble (fingers crossed), but that leads Cena to say that Orton vs. Cena sounds like a good WrestleMania main event. Really? I'm pretty sure that sounds like a Raw that I attended three months ago.

CM Punk & the no-longer-new-Nexus arrive to tell Cena that he has no chance of winning the Royal Rumble this year. Nexus Black & White storm the ring to take out Cena and are quickly dispatched with a little bit of help from Santino & Kozlov... seriously. Maybe you guys should call up Virgil, Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton, they wouldn't go down that fast. CM Punk attempts to enter the fray, but The G?M chimes in and announces that during the CM Punk vs. John Cena match tonight, Nexus will be banned from ringside, which has a negligible impact on the odds.

Our opening match tonight is a Tag Team Title match with Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov defending against The Uso Bros. Essentially a cool down match after the red hot opening segment, but Santino picks up an easy win with the Cobra. Poor Usos, they just can't catch a break, or interest from the crowd.

CM Punk seems mighty confident despite Nexus being banned from ringside. I smell shenanigans!!!

John Morrison vs. Daniel Bryan is next? Oh hell yes. Gross Bella storyline aside, I'm eager to see what these two are going to do together, and the fact that there's a commercial during the match has me hopeful that they'll get enough time. Unfortunately, it was a good match that could've been a great match even with even just five minutes more, but Morrison keeps up his momentum with a non-title win over the US Champion.

King Sheamus makes his presence felt after the match, telling Bryan and Morrison that neither of them are in his league and that he will win the Royal Rumble. I don't know if he's gonna win, but I hope Sheamus gets to be the ass-kicker of the year and breaks Kane's elimination record in the process.

Backstage, the Bellas imply that Daniel Bryan is a virgin and they have a bet to determine who will be his "first." Oh you gotta be friggin kidding me. It's like the Chris Jericho/Christian bet, only really stupid and completely counter-productive for all parties involved. It makes Bryan look like a doofus and the Bellas like evil skanks. Thumbs down, WWE. Thumbs way down.

But hey, a nice treat for Raw, Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero are here! Dolph's in action against some guy named Randy Orton, and there goes one of my predicted WrestleMania matches. This is actually the most interested I've been in an Orton match in years, but of course he has to go and ruin it by winning. Dolph Ziggler made one fatal flaw, going for the sleeper hold, when after years of watching his own matches, Orton's become immune to the move. Still, I guess it was a pretty good match, though I honestly would've liked to see it go a little longer. It was no Cena vs. Ziggler, but it the crowd was into it and it could've used a few more minutes. At least we got to see The Miz kick Orton's ass after the match though. RKOH NO, I JUST GOT THROWN THROUGH THE BARRICADE!

Now would be a good time to remind you about The Kick-Out!! Rumble! Enter soon, the numbers are going fast!

Natalya vs. Maryse is next and this match is hurt by commentary from Eve, who is doing her Delicious Dish impression. Natalya picks up an easy win with the Sharpshooter and that's about it. Oh and Eve shoved Maryse after the match. Just when I thought things were getting better for the Divas division. Maryse also yells at Ted DiBiase, who shows up for some reason to issue an over-the-top rope challenge. Spoiler: it's gonna be Mark Henry or The Great Khali.

Yep, Mark Henry, bet you're glad you waited a whole commercial break for that. Even more surprising, Mark Henry easily wins, then Yoshi Tatsu, William Regal, Tyson Kidd, Primo, David Hart Smith, Darren Young, Zack Ryder, and R-Truth have started an impromptu battle royal? Okay? The Superstars Squad eventually get a bit of a challenge from Sheamus, but then even he's eliminated by Mark Henry. Why?

Oh yay, Alberto Del Rio is here! And Jerry Lawler even gets in a funny line about him getting the "microphone option" on his car. Seriously, with all this hype, there's no reason Del Rio shouldn't win the Rumble! Mark Henry lets Del Rio trash talk and just walks away... c'mon World's Strongest Man, go flip his car!

Derrick Bateman (I have no idea who that is), who looks like the lovechild of Andy Samberg and Sean O'Haire just did a vignette about "World's Strongest Man" cologne. Meanwhile, Bryan and Morrison couldn't get enough time.

I love the Royal Rumble facts vignette.

The Miz vs. Edge next week? That's cool. Hopefully they'll do Miz & Ziggler vs. Edge & Orton on next week's Smackdown.

Main Event time! CM Punk vs. John Cena, and expect serious shenanigans here. It's been so long since we've seen Punk in the ring, I forgot about his chest piece (/random thought). I hope they don't give away the farm here, surely this can't be the end of this rivalry? Watching Cena, injured hip and all, stand up off the mat with Punk sitting on his shoulders is absolutely insane though. The dude is freakishly strong, I know Punk's not the biggest guy in the world, but I can't even get off the floor if I'm wearing a backpack.

Punk's pretty much dominating this match, awesome counter to the GTS from Cena into the STF though. Punk's doing a great job at looking prepared for Cena, I'm sure Michael Cole has used the word "wherewithal" multiple times by now. Confirming my fears, WWE's giving way too much away here, I'm sure the shenanigans-laden ending is inching nearer, but these guys are putting on a hell of a show when they certainly don't have to. Cena catching Punk outside the ring mid-plancha is just absurd, dude, you just injured your hip and it's not WrestleMania, you don't have to work this hard! Same goes for you, Punk, you're fresh off injury!

Oh hey, there are the shenanigans! Batista's bearded Mini Me has hopped the rail and entered the ring, Punk offers himself and sacrifice and takes a nasty big boot, giving Punk the win by DQ! Great work by BEARDTISTA, the newest member of New-but-not-as-new-as-the-one-on-Smackdown Nexus!

It has come to my attention that the new guy is Mason Ryan from FCW, but screw that, he's BEARDTISTA! I like it, Punk's Nexus definitely needed something more than the line-up they were left with after Gabriel & Slater split, and this guy definitely looks the part, so why not? And after the hell of a match Punk and Cena put on, there may just be life in this storyline just yet.

Interesting Raw. And that's my nice way of saying it wasn't that great, but I was at least intrigued by what was going on. Bryan and Morrison had a fun, but short match, even if the stuff with the Bellas was infuriatingly stupid. Dolph vs. Orton was good, the stuff with Miz after was even better and the main event was flat-out awesome. Say what you will about Cena, and I'm sure it will be "Punk carried him," but no one tops John Cena in a big match situation. The guy works his ass off, and putting him in there with Punk was golden, I really hope these two are going to carry this feud to WrestleMania, because I know they'll tear the house down. Overall, Raw still needs work, but this show made me feel a hell of a lot better about the future than last week's.

Big Show: A Giants WorldThe Best of CM PunkWWE: Top 50 Superstars of All TimeThe John Cena Experience


  1. Usos have turned into Jobbers.

    Is it just me, or is Miz tonight looking and sounding a LOT like the most recent incarnation of Chris Jericho?

    What u think razor?

  2. Another thought ... after watching that replay (slam of the week with orton and king) .... i can't help but thinking I was more interested in the sub from subway on the bottom right hand corner of the screen!

  3. "Turned into" implies they weren't jobbers at some point.

    Definitely a Jericho vibe from Miz though, I have a hunch Jericho's been giving him pointers over the last year.

  4. Is the New Nexus and the group from Smackdown like the "Real IRA" and "Provisional IRA"?

  5. what bullshit is punk talking?

  6. DiBiase issues open challenge to anyone for an Over the top challenge. I have no idea who it could be ... it couldn't be "MARK HENRY"? It couldn't! ... well, that's my prediction anyway! ;)

  7. oh, i didn't see you had just written that razor! damn your super fast typing :(


    (i got there before you this time) :)

  9. Actually, he clearly walks with Nexus.

  10. Mason Ryan walks alone in the unknown and lives to win another victory, not inside a pit of danger.

    Clearly different guys.

  11. It saddens me to see how WWE is treating the greatest technical wrestler since Chris Benoit. That angle is like something out of a Degrassi Junior High episode - except, you know, not even Degrassi writers are bad enough to have been hired by WWE.

    I swear Vince and the writer monkeys are doing this just to make the IWC angry.

  12. I was willing to give the Bellas stuff a chance since Bryan was playing it off so well, but yeah, that turn last night was just awful. Hopefully it's one of those things WWE forgets about the following week.

  13. I had been meaning to post this since Monday, but kept forgetting.

    During Cena's entrance Monday night, the cameras cut to a guy (in a yellow and black shirt) for a second who was simply LOSING HIS SHIT over John Cena's entrance. it was one of the funnier things I had seen in a while.