Monday, December 13, 2010

Raw thoughts - Dec. 13, 2010 - The Slammy Awards!

As long as Dennis Miller isn't in the arena, this should be a pretty fun show! We are live blogging Raw, so make sure you refresh your page for ongoing coverage of the 2010 Slammy Awards! And don't forget, this Wednesday, in our special 50th episode of Kick-Out!! Radio, it's the second annual Kick-Outies!

Our first presenter for tonight's show is the greatest WCW Champion of all-time, and the star of the upcoming Scream 4, David Arquette! Arquette needs a lozenge, but he's here to present the award for Shocker of the Year! The nominees are: The Miz cashing in, Nexus debuting, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker and Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho out of WWE. The Slammy goes to: NEXUS! Not really shocking that they won Shocker of the Year, it was the most out-of-nowhere story WWE's done in years and has carried the Raw brand since June. Wade Barrett accepts the award, to slightly less heat than David Arquette, and reminds Nexus that they wouldn't be anywhere without him, obviously trying to stifle the mutiny.

The G?M chimes in after Barrett's acceptance speech and tells the leader of Nexus that he has another chance to shock the WWE Universe in our opening contest, Wade Barrett vs. Big Show! Crowd is all over Barrett tonight, his mere presence is infuriating to the New Orleans crowd; always more fun with the crowd is into the show. Remember this time last year when Vince had to chastise the crowd for being quiet after Dennis Miller killed any interest anyone in the arena or watching at home had in that show? Anyhoo, one NASTY! chop from Big Show later, Wade Barrett takes his Slammy and marches out of the match; don't sweat it, Wade, you got nothing to prove! Big Show's eye looks legitimately messed up from Wade Barrett's thumb to the eye earlier in the bout.

Kelly Kelly & Tyson Kidd are presenting the "Despicable Me" Award... quite convenient that they named it that when Despicable Me is out on DVD tomorrow. Almost like they planned it that way. Tyson Kidd formally introduces his new bodyguard, Jackson Andrews, but even better was him making fun of Kelly Kelly.
The nominees for Despicable Me are:
Drew McIntyre tortures Teddy Long
Kane buries The Undertaker alive
Vince McMahon kicks Bret Hart in the ding-ding
CM Punk sings "Happy Birthday" to Rey Mysterio's daughter.
And the winner is... CM PUNK!

C'mon, no one deserved that one more than Punk. Him singing to Rey Rey's daughter was downright horrifying and now Punk is a three-time, three-time, three-time Slammy Award winner! Punk addresses an unnamed Superstar that has wronged him and he warns that if we thought what he did to Mysterio was despicable, we haven't seen anything yet.

Daniel Bryan & Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler & Ted DiBiase in an interpromotional tag match is our next match, and I thought Ted and Maryse broke up last week? Anyway, match is way too short, but the little action we do get here is pretty exciting. How about we give these four a rematch on Friday where they'll have more time to devote to wrestling?

Santino & Kozlov are here to present Guest Host Star Shining Moment of the Year, the nominess are:
Mike Tyson KOs Chris Jericho
Pee-Wee vs. The Miz
Wayne Brady gets RKO'd
William Shatner sings Superstar entrance themes
And the winner is: Pee-Wee Herman! Really! Really xInfinity!

But I gotta admit, even though I love Pee-Wee more than just about anything, I'm kinda bummed Shatner didn't win. "I'm not your... BOY... toy" was one of the funniest things WWE's ever done.

Mark Henry in action against DASHING! Cody Rhodes in another interbrand contest, and this one could be fun thanks to how awesome Rhodes has become in the last couple months. Considering the big size difference and completely clashing styles, the match is pretty good and Rhodes wins with a big knee drop off the top rope. Not gonna be hitting Cross Rhodes on Mark Henry, that's for sure.

Jerry Lawler, dressed as Cap'n Crunch, is here to present the Holy @#!& (ps, that means "shit") along with Vickie Guerrero. The nominees are:
John Morrison dives off the Hell in a Cell set
Kofi Kingston Boom Drops Drew McIntyre through a table off a ladder
John Cena AAs Batista through the Over the Limit stage.
The Shooting StaRKO
And the Slammy goes to: John Cena?

Really? I mean, that move was cool and all, but it had nothing on the Shooting StaRKO, but it's all just an excuse to bring out Wade Barrett. Barrett is here to make his decision about John Cena's future and calls him out to the ring. Of course it doesn't take long for John Cena, WWE season ticket holder, to accept the invite and as much as I hate the direction the story took last week, you can't deny that the crowd is eating it up. Wade Barrett officially rehires Cena, making the last two months completely useless... blah. Barrett gives him two conditions for his rehiring: they fight this Sunday in a Chairs Match (oooh), and Cena has to fight David Otunga later tonight (aahhh). Nexus beats Cena down, Barrett destroys him with a chair, and like I said last week, we're right back to where we were in September.

Next week is WWE Week on USA: Monday is Raw, Tuesday is a LIVE episode of Smackdown (AWESOME!) and Wednesday is an encore presentation of Tribute to the Troops. Very cool of USA to do this.

David Arquette is back, wearing an old Honky Tonk Man outfit, to present Fan Reaction of the Year, the nominees are:
Oh c'mon you know who this category was created for... ANGRY MIZ GIRL!
It's pretty awesome for WWE to fly her out and let her come on stage with The Miz. It's the least they could do after immortalizing her on WWE TV forever. Looks like she doesn't get to keep the Slammy though, since Miz stole it. Hysterical. The G?M interrupts Miz's promo and announces that both Miz and Orton will be in action tonight against former World Champions, and Miz's opponent is Rey Mysterio!

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio is a match I'm incredibly excited to see. I don't remember these guys having many (any?) singles matches, and probably not any since Miz really matured as a performer. Miz Girl should totally do a run-in here and help Mysterio win the match... maybe even hit Miz with the world's angriest RKO! Unfortunately, this match had to go to break almost as soon as it started, but we come back to an Alberto Del Rio appearance! Hey, Rey brought this distraction on himself after costing Del Rio the King of the Ring crown. Not nearly enough time for this match, but thanks to distractions on the outside from Alex Riley, Alberto Del Rio AND David Arquette, The Miz picks up an AWESOME win.

But while The Miz had to wrestle Rey Mysterio tonight, Randy Orton's in a handicap match tonight (ugh) against Alex Riley... and former WCW World Champion, David Arquette. Ready to Rumble, Randy?

Edge is presenting the Oh Snap Meltdown of the Year, and perhaps "Shocker of the Year" should've gone to the fact that someone thought that was a good name for an award. Edge is looking for a co-presenter, and we're treated to an appearance from Christian! Hopefully he's here to save Edge from further destroying his career with this horrible Kane storyline. The nominees are:
Big Show destroying Jack Swagger's trophies
Alberto Del Rio destroying Mysterio's wrist
Edge destroying a computer
Batista quits WWE

And the winner is: Edge! Pretty weird for a guy to be presenting the award he won. Remember, Edge destroyed that computer in his campaign against stupidity... just a few months before he tricked a mentally disturbed man into attempting to murder his father.

King Sheamus vs. John Morrison is our next match, and Sheamus still looks awesome in his royal garb. Match barely even gets started, devolves into a fist fight and the ref calls for a double DQ. Gotta buy the PPV, kids! These two are gonna face off on Sunday in a ladder match to determine the new #1 Contender for the WWE Championship. That's actually pretty awesome, especially if it leads to Miz vs. Morrison at the Royal Rumble. Sheamus isn't happy about this announcement though, sets up a ladder against the ring and throws John Morrison over the top rope onto it! NASTY!

JTG & William Regal are presenting Knucklehead Moment of the Year, which is almost as funny as that time MTV had Busta Rhymes and Martha Stewart present at the VMAs. The nominees are:
Big Show unmasks CM Punk
Mae Young kicks the shit out of LayCool
Beth Phoenix eliminates The Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dance-off

And the Slammy goes to: LayCool. Yawn.

Diva Battle Royal next to determine the Diva of the Year. But it's one battle royal, wouldn't that just determine the Diva of December 13? As for the match, it's a Divas Battle Royal, you know how it's going. Beth Phoenix Glam-Slamming Melina onto and over the top rope was pretty cool though. But of course, Michelle McCool wins, because she's the only Diva that mattered this year. Yawn². On the brightside, The G?M made the one Divas match I actually want to see, LayCool vs. Beth Phoenix & Natalya, but there's a twist... for the first time ever, it's a Divas Tables Match! Wow.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger next, and maybe Edge will convince him to viciously assault his father too. Woo! Go Edge! Silliness on Smackdown aside, Edge and Swagger had a fun match a few months ago, long before Edge got saddled with Kane, so I'm optimistic for this match tonight. Not a bad TV match at all that sees Edge pick up the win with the Spear and I hope he picks up the World Title on Sunday just so we can finally have a World Title scene back on Smackdown.

Big Show returns to present WWE Moment of the Year, the nominees are:
John Cena is fired
Sheamus attacks Triple H while he says goodbye to Shawn Michaels
Edge's Super Spear at WrestleMania 26
Streak vs. Career

And the Slammy goes to: Streak vs. Career.

Cool of Shawn Michaels to at least do a live via satellite acceptance speech. Who wants to start the "ONE MORE MATCH!" chant?

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (yes, really) is next, and I don't think Randy Orton is prepared for Dewey! CM Punk describing David Arquette's ring attire as "Clubber Lang's gi" might be my favorite commentary line since JR coined the term "carcinogenic fist." Orton, SHOCKINGLY, picks up the win here, and powerbombs David Arquette through a table. Somewhere out there, a WCW fan wipes away a single tear and says "finally."

John Cena recently granted his 200th wish with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. If you have Delta frequent flyer miles, you can help by donating them to the cause. Love or hate the wrestler, you have to respect the work John Cena does with Make-A-Wish.

Michael Cole is here to present the "And I Quote" Line of the Year Award. Uh, I'm pretty sure "Clubber Lang's Gi" is the line of the year. And the nominees are:
A lot of them. Pretty much every funny WWE line of the year.
The Slammy goes to: Michael Cole's "And I Quote." Nothing worse than being played off by a Nickelback song.

Teddy Long is here to present Superstar of the Year, the nominees are:
Edge
The Miz
Kane
John Cena
Rey Mysterio
Randy Orton

And the winner is: John Cena. Not surprising since they put it up to a vote on WWE.com, and in the three years since they've brought back the Slammys, they've changed the criteria for Superstar of the Year each time. And ya know, it's kinda bullshit that Wade Barrett didn't at least get nominated for Superstar of the Year, I know he's new and all, but he was probably the most talked-about wrestler of the year.

Main Event time! John Cena vs. David Otunga and it's already 11:03, so don't expect this one to go too long. Well... it's taking long to get this damn match started. Nexus abandons Otunga, much like they abandoned Barrett last week, and if you guessed Cena would pick up an easy win, you'd be right. Blah. Cena nails Otunga with some NASTY chair shots after the match, but it's not enough to renew my interest in this story. The Cena/Nexus feud is hanging on by a thread at this point, and that thread is the TLC PPV this Sunday. If they don't do something big to breathe some new life into it, it's dead.

Man, this show felt looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong. Not nearly as bad as last year's Slammy train wreck, but not nearly as good as the return of the Slammys in 2008. The matches didn't get enough time, but the show was at least somewhat fun and we got a lot of matches set up for Sunday's PPV, which is looking really good, but there's a lot riding on that show, so it's going to be an interesting night.

The John Cena ExperienceWWE - Edge: A Decade of DecadenceBreaking the Code: Behind the Walls of Chris Jericho

11 comments:

  1. Ahh David Arquette...what a great run as WCW champion

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sad thing is, it probably wasn't the worst reign in WCW's history.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "ding ding" lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do you really think "Christian > Edge"? I mean ... at the moment, sure thing, but in general?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aside from 2005-2008, yes, Christian > Edge.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I guess the only thing edge has going for him is he's a big lanky dude, he flukily won the World Championship 9 times and he's freakin gold on the mic ... He sucks in the ring (now anyway)

    but overall, Christian is probably a better star ... just less appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I like Edge... love Edge (sometimes), and his run from 05-08 was probably bigger and better than anything Christian will ever do, but in terms of overall ability and consistent entertainment, I think Christian takes the cake.

    ReplyDelete
  8. haha, did you see the black kid in the cena t-shirt during shawn's video promo? that was priceless, the look in his face :) hehe!

    Re: shawn being on tape - bullshit. I was expecting him to appear in person :(

    oh, and one wee thing fella ... you didn't mention what you thought of King J Lawler's jibes at Vickie Guerrero!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lawler & Vickie were amusing. It tied into the awards show vibe well and wasn't distracting like it is during a match when the announcers won't shut up about her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My recording of this show cut off before the Cena/Otunga match so i came on here to read what happened and seems like i didn't miss much.

    Wasn't a great show,as you said, but still set up the PPV fairly well. Shame they don't seem intent on keeping this Cena/Nexus feud until 'Mania but maybe we might get a good match out of it at TLC. Morrison/Sheamus has great potential as i seem to recall them having one of the best TV matches this year. Hopefully this will help Morrison reach the next level.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Been busy this week, so took me until last night until I was able to see this Raw. Can't say I was too impressed. I suspect that because I didn't know half the people who received awards, so that kind of limited my enjoyment. So, I'll focus on what really...annoyed me.

    This will be a rather long rant I think.

    Right now, I'm really hating John Cena. I know I'm supposed to cheer for him, but I can't. Everything just seems wrong. When he left on Raw I felt genuine emotion. I was sad he left, and thought "it kinda sucks he's leaving because this means he won't be back for a while, he seems rather cool." Then...he came back the next week. And I felt abused. He knew he was going to do this. He deliberately played with my emotions, making me feel sad for him. I felt pity for him the week before. And then he's back? With no repercussions and things are better than ever for him. So all that conflict he had been going through the previous weeks was for nothing?

    But thats not the part that really made me upset with John. It's a large part, but the part that really annoys me is how he is dealing with Nexus. I know I'm supposed to hate Nexus, but right now they don't seem very threatening. And the whole Barrett and Otunga conflict isn't helping at all and in my opinion is making them look even weaker. Perhaps it's because I've only seen Nexus for the last month or so. Perhaps if I saw the start I'd hate them enough that I'd feel this was deserved. But I don't know.

    There are some things good guys shouldn't do. And I felt that Cena bringing a chair into the ring after the battle and beating the crap out of Otunga was one of them. If Nexus did it, I would be booing and enjoying it. That's what bad guys do, make you hate them. They do horrible things and then you feel good when they get their comeuppance.

    But this wasn't Nexus doing it. This was John Cena, the good guy. I'm supposed to cheer? I'm supposed to feel proud that the good guy is trying to hurt another person? I'm sorry I can't. I'm not that type of person.

    I didn't mind when John interfered when Nexus cheated. They did something wrong, so he stopped them. And then he said, as long as Nexus cheats he'll be there to stop them. I seem to remember him implying that if they didn't cheat he would leave them alone. This was all fine and good. That's what a good guy does. But then, he started attacking them unprovoked. And last week he said something like, he wasn't going to stop attacking Wade no matter what. That's...that's not what a good guy does.

    So right now, I think that John Cena would be a perfect member of Nexus. He certainly has the right attitude. He's ruthless, cruel, and unforgiving. Perfect for Nexus! I can see why Wade wanted him to join. I suspect that's not the conclusion I'm meant to come to. I'm pretty sure that they aren't turning John heel. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to hate him. And that sucks, since I really liked him earlier.

    Whew, rant over, I feel better now.

    ReplyDelete