Monday, November 15, 2010

WWE Old School Raw - November 15, 2010

Let's kick it old school, as lame white guys would say.

Well, this is already amazing. Old school WWF intro, 1993 Raw theme intro, classic set, metal barricades, interview stage(!!!), blue steps, Lawler in full King garb and MEAN Gene Okerlund! So much fun. And Mean Gene's guest, Cowboy Bob Orton, who tells us that Randy Orton, the WWE Champion, didn't even know that Raw was starting an hour early. Wow. Cowboy also doesn't care about John "Ceener" or Wade Barrett either.

But "hold the phone," Wade Barrett has apparently taken issue with the elder Orton's words. Barrett should totally kick Daddy Orton's ass, it's only fair considering what Orton did to Cena's dad three years ago. But sadly, Barrett is a better man than Orton and takes the high road...

AWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEESSSSSSOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEE! Speaking of better men, The Miz is here! Why? He's teasing cashing in Money in the Bank tonight and ruining everyone's Survivor Series plans, but John Cena doesn't want to lose his chance at freedom and challenges Miz to a match tonight. Miz accepts for whatever reason, but at least the opening was so fun, I can forgive the leaps in logic.

Dolph Ziggler's out next and he's got an old school picture-in-picture promo to go with his entrance! I miss those, they should be brought back permanently. And Ziggler's opponent tonight? "SEXUAL CHOCOLATE" Mark Henry! Yes, yes, a bajillion times yes. And Lil' Naitch is in an old school referee outfit, complete with bow tie! This match is pretty fun too, even if it was nothing particularly special. Good little build for Ziggler and a fun trip down memory lane with Sexual Chocolate.

Tony Atlas rambling incoherently backstage is pretty much exactly how I always pictured Tony Atlas to be in real life.

The Hart Dynasty vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater is our next match and this one could be enjoyable if given enough time... and if we're not given much Heath Slater. Naturally, the tension within The Hart Dynasty played the big role in this one with Tyson Kidd refusing a tag and kicking David Hart Smith in the face, which allowed Nexus to pick up a fairly easy victory. Okay, are we officially broken up now? Shoulda put him through the Barber Shop window, Tyson!

R-Truth stirring the pot on the John Cena situation is an interesting take on the story, I hope they go somewhere with this post-Survivor Series.

Loving the shilling of WWE Shop merchandise from the WWE Update truck. Sean Mooney has been trapped in there since 1989.

The Fink is here to introduce The Brooklyn Brawler w/Harvey Wippelman! How the hell does Harvey look younger now than he did in 1993? Brawler issues an open challenge to any "new school" wrestler, and unfortunately for the ol' Brawler, Ezekiel Jackson accepts. Since it's Old School Raw, maybe Bart "The Hammer" Gunn should come out and challenge Big Zeke to the rights for the Brawl For All music. Laugh all you want, but if Vince Russo still worked for WWE, you know it would happen. Oh, Zeke won the match, I'm sure you're shocked to hear that.

Backstage, Nexus decides something needs to be done about R-Truth and Wade Barrett nominates David Otunga for the job. The G?M disagrees and puts Truth against Barrett instead. Shouldn't The G?M be communicating through the AOL WWF chatroom?

John Cena vs. The Miz kicks things off for the 9pm hour... but The Miz has other plans and subs in Alex Riley, telling Cena he'll have to wait until WrestleMania when he's WWE Champion. Continuing our trend of unsurprising match results, John Cena wins quickly after forcing Riley to tap out to the STF. Randy Orton storms the ring after the match to take out The Miz, fights off a couple Nexus guys for good measure, and comes face-to-face with John Cena, who he threatened to punt earlier in the evening. Referees and the infamous, suited "officials" successfully separate the two, but not before Johnny Ace tripped on his way into the ring. He's clearly more comfortable when he has his skateboard. The G?M e-mails Cole AGAIN and announces that Orton and Cena will have to work out their issues later tonight... in Piper's Pit! I'm all for someone smashing a coconut over Orton's head.

Old School Raw just isn't the same without Rob Bartlett.

Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff are in the ring! Your Twitter feed is about to be filled with the word "humble." And wow, Nikolai's still singing the Soviet national anthem, I guess no one's had the heart to tell him. But our ethnic stereotyping wouldn't be complete without Santino & Kozlov, the Moscow Mauler wants to sing too! Santino's not impressed and wants to sing a song of his own, "Jive Soul Bro," with The Reverend Slick!!! Iron Sheik says something about Hulkamania, and then the segment just gets weird with an appearance from The Usos

Oh, it's a number one contenders match for the Tag Team Titles, The Usos vs. Santino & Kozlov, but WWE finally found a way to get the crowd to care about The Usos, send them out with "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka! If JR was here tonight, he'd call this match "bowling shoe ugly." Mercifully over when Uso #2 feels the strike of the Cobra, but no sign of Jake the Snake. Santino & Kozlov are now the number one contenders for the tag titles... remember JeriShow, guys? Thankfully, Sheamus hits the ring and kicks everyone's ass, but before he can get to Santino, John Morrison saves the day. Can these two please have a match at Survivor Series?

This just in: Nexus will defend the Tag Titles against Santino & Kozlov at Survivor Series. That's right, Santino and Kozlov have a match scheduled on the PPV before Rey Mysterio, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Alberto Del Rio, John Morrison, etc.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston is next, for some reason... but hey, Kofi has a sweet picture-in-picture interview too! Nice Koko B. Ware reference, Kofi. Match isn't bad, but things go to off-the-charts amazing after a WrestleMania VI-esque double clotheline and George "The Animal" Steele comes to ringside to dine on some turnbuckle! Steele looks exactly the same too, minus a few pounds, and causes a distraction, allowing Kofi to pick up the win! AWESOME. Pure awesome.

Backstage, JOHN MORRISON GET HIS EFFIN FACE KICKED OFF! Damn dude! I'm sorry, I like John Morrison and all, but that was friggin hilarious. Looks like I get my wish, Sheamus and Morrison will meet at Survivor Series.

Okay, try to follow me here: Hacksaw Jim Duggan sends Aksana to her mother, who is actually Dusty Rhodes in a wig, then Kelly Kelly drops a net on Aksana so Goldust can retrieve the Million Dollar Title and give it back to Ted DiBiase Sr. and IRS; but the Million Dollar man gives it to Ted DiBiase Jr, who doesn't want it and walks off. DASHING Cody Rhodes and Goldust leave to trade grooming tips while Dusty Rhodes' music plays and everyone dances, then Tatanka does a rain dance, Hacksaw returns and Ron Simmons says "DAMN!"

...I swear I'm not making that up.

And then we come back to promotional consideration from fake Lord Alfred Hayes?! Now they're stealing my material!

And hey, if this is an Old School Show, R-Truth should come to the ring with Road Dogg instead of Eve! And yes, they should've been wearing overalls. R-Truth is wrestling Wade Barrett though, so they probably didn't want him to upstage the number one contender. Maybe PG-13 could come out after the match and challenge Truth to a rap battle? "We are da Nation, live and in color, Faarooq is da man and he'll bum rush yo' mutha!" Oh yeah, there's a match going on too... Wade Barrett is the man, and that's really all I need to say. There are some guys who just have "it," and I can't think of anyone in recent years that personifies "it factor" more than Wade Barrett. Say all you want about paying dues and earning your spot, but in less than nine months, Wade Barrett looks like a WWE Champion.

Do you need any further evidence that Alberto Del Rio is the best thing going in WWE right now? How about the fact that he was just introduced by Tito "Don't Call Me 'El Matador'" Santana and driven to the ring by Chavo Classic? And really, did Lawler just say the silk scarf was a "bit much?" Jerry, you do realize you're wearing a crown, right? Del Rio badmouths fat Americans and demands respect from the Legends, but Sgt. Slaughter won't let anyone badmouth America (unless it's him in 1991, I suppose). Sarge orders Del Rio to shut his pukehole and calls him "slime" and a "maggot." Where are my GI Joes?

COBRA CLUTCH applied early, but Del Rio manages to get to the ropes and it's all downhill for Sarge from there. Running enzuigiri does it for Sarge, but Del Rio isn't done and locks in the Cross Armbreaker, only for MVP to make the save? Why not Mysterio? Sarge gets his arm raised after the match though and gets to show off his sweet farmer's tan.

They should've brought back Mean Gene's 900 number.

Mae Young is awesome, in case you didn't know. Sexy, smart, AND powerful! And her pinning LayCool might be the highlight of women's wrestling in 2010. And according to WWE.com, that "match" makes Mae Young the first person to wrestle across NINE decades (1930s-2010s), that's mind-blowing.

Howard Finkel is in the ring to announce our special guest commentator for our next match, Good ol' JR, JIM ROSS! Jim Ross is the reason I got into broadcasting, he is the voice of WWE, and it's a damn shame that he's not in the booth every single week. And to make things even better, JR is here to call Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger, and the only bad news is Michael Cole's headset is still on. Excellent match from start to finish with spectacular commentary from JR & King, and it just goes to show you how much the commentators can add to the match, especially when they take things seriously, unlike Cole. Daniel Bryan picks up the win after a NASTY! kick to the head, but Ted DiBiase attacks the US Champion after the match. Looks like he's got his sights set on something besides the Million Dollar Title. Lame! I know CM Punk is hurt, so his potential feud with Bryan has been shelved, and there's been talk that William Regal may be retiring, but we couldn't have found someone more deserving of a US Title shot than DiBiase?

And JR hitting Michael Cole with his hat is the highlight of the decade. Can we please put that in the Raw opening every week?

PIPER'S PIT TIME! Roddy Piper has a t-shirt with his picture on it that says "National Treasure," and truer words were never placed on 100% cotton. Piper calls out John Cena and proceeds to give us another classic performance on the mic, telling Cena that he never won the WWE Title, neither did Hall of Famers like Jimmy Snuka, Mr. Perfect and Ricky Steamboat, and if he just hands it to Wade Barrett, he'd be spitting in their faces. "Don't spit in my face, John Cena" actually made the hair on the back of my neck stand up a little bit. Cena was no slouch either, promising to call the match right down the middle, because that's the only call he can make, regardless of the consequences for himself.

But Wade Barrett isn't going to let this go without chiming in, and after another awesome war of words with Piper, he turns his attention to Cena. And he's got a present for John Cena, something he should've made him do weeks ago... put on a Nexus shirt. Cena looks good in the black and yellow, it's a little TOO fitting, actually. Hmm...

Oh yeah, of course Captain Buzzkill has to get involved, Randy Orton is here. Orton doesn't waste much time going after Barrett, Cena tries to make the save and eats an RKO for his troubles. Orton tries to punt Cena, but Cena defends himself and nails the WWE Champion with the Attitude Adjustment! Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand in victory, but gets an Attitude Adjustment of his own! What's Barrett gonna do about it? He needs Cena on Sunday. Raw ends with Roddy Piper holding up Cena's hand.

If there is a Heaven, this Raw is what the wrestling wing of it should look like. This Raw, even with some silly stuff and horrendous matches, was everything I love about professional wrestling. Nostalgia, wrestling, comedy, drama, painstaking attention to detail, and Jim f'n Ross. Piper's Pit was the perfect way to end this show and even though the card was hastily thrown together, I am beyond excited for Survivor Series at this point. If you missed this show, get on YouTube immediately, or make sure you catch a replay on Universal HD sometime on Saturday, because it was absolutely awesome.

WWE: Top 50 Superstars of All TimeWWE: Bobby "The Brain" HeenanWWE - Born to Controversy: The Roddy Piper StoryWWE: Macho Madness - The Randy Savage Ultimate Collection

9 comments:

  1. According to Michael Cole ... we're watching Brawler in a match here in "2011"?!! Oh gosh, i missed my anniversary, birthday, christmas and a flight and vacation i had booked for the occasion :(

    Oh Razor, did u notice how many creases Zeke has on the back of his head? It's outrageous! lol

    Where is Sean Mooney and his "encounters"??

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  2. Mysterio might be hurt plus MVP got a shockingly good reaction. Proof that it takes two to tango. Del Rio is so good that the babyfaces look awesome by jousting him.

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  3. If you didn't enjoy this RAW, you don't have a soul.

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  5. :D I had never watched a wresting show ever, and I liked this Raw. I suspect though, that choosing this show as my first wresting show to watch, was perhaps a bad idea. The only people I really knew were the younger folks and that's only because I read posts on this site and a couple of others and looked up some of the names on wikipedia, but I enjoyed it anyway and I might even watch more.

    That is something I never thought I'd say a year ago.

    Are you still looking for people to write guest articles? Or have you decided not to do that anymore.

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  6. Always looking for Guest Posts, Lehana!

    What made you decide to start watching?

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  7. Why did I start watching? Well, it's a kinda weird story actually.

    A guy I watch who reviews video games and movies started video blogging about wresting. It was mostly negative stuff about TNA but there was a little bit about WWE. He didn't show any clips from the shows, and so I had no idea who any of the people he talked about were. But I liked his energy and passion and so I kept on watching his videos.

    A couple of months later, another guy took over talking about WWE. When he talked about Hell in a Cell, he actually mentioned that he didn't want to review it because he liked it, which got me interested because compliments were very rare from either of the two reviewers. While most of the pay per view didn't interest me, his comments about the John Cena/Wade Barret match drew my interest and suddenly I was interested in wrestling. Just the thought of a good guy having to work for a bad guy made me want to know more. (And yet it didn't occur to me to actually, you know, watch the show.)

    And then both of the reviewers got sick and stopped posting so much. So I looked around to find some place that would satisfy my interest. I looked up a lot of wrestlers I had heard about on wikipedia and tvtropes. I found the the WWE website, where I got to see some clips from some of the shows, and what I saw of the Nexus and John Cena, I liked.

    Eventually, through twitter I found this site. It was nice to find some place where it wasn't negative. And I have to admit, hearing that you didn't hate John Cena made me happy, because that was one of the things that I was interested it.

    And why did I watch the raw episode I did? Well, I decided that it was silly that I was reading up so much on wrestling yet hadn't actually watched a show. So when you described this raw, I decided to actually watch it. It took me a couple of days, but I eventually got up the nerve to actually sit down and watch it. And I enjoyed it.

    I'll admit, I just wanted to see Wade Barret and Nexus but I was actually surprised at how much I enjoyed the parts they weren't it. I didn't like everything, but for the most part it was a positive experience.

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  8. Always nice to hear about people discovering wrestling for the first time. Hope you continue to enjoy!

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