Monday, August 9, 2010

WWE Raw thoughts - August 9, 2010

It's the last Raw before SummerSlam and WWE has a lot of work to do to get us excited for the PPV. It's arguably the weakest SummerSlam card I've seen in over a decade, so WWE really needs to fire on all cylinders tonight if they want to avoid another disastrously low buyrate like they saw with Fatal 4-Way. Keep refreshing your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's show!

Well, we're definitely off to a good start when Bret "The Hitman" Hart opens the show! And judging by his t-shirt, Bret is Batman! Bret is disappointed in Edge and Jericho for dropping out of the SummerSlam match and calls them out... but he only gets the best in the world, Chris Jericho! Crowd is bonkers for Jericho (as they should be), but Bret isn't impressed and gives him a stern talking to, telling him that if he doesn't join Team WWE, he's only hurting himself. I know he's not the greatest promo guy in the world, but damn I love Bret Hart. He has an authenticity to his promos that is sorely lacking in wrestling today, even from guys who are technically great talkers, they're just not as genuine as Bret. Jericho is not moved by Bret's attempt to rally the troops though, he refuses to rejoin Team WWE and all he wants to do is take out Bret Hart in their match later tonight.

And that's the cue for "The Rated-R Superstar! Edge however, was moved by The Hitman's speech and he agrees to join Team WWE... but then tries to kick Bret in the crotch! What a jerk, but luckily Bret caught his leg and went for the Sharpshooter, but Jericho made the save and Rated Y2J high-tailed it. Natalya quickly rushed to ringside in tears because Nexus is backstage beating the hell out of The Hart Dynasty, taking those potential replacements out of the match. What a jerk x7!

Fun Jericho fact: on this day in 1999, Chris Jericho debuted in WWE, in what is still the greatest debut in pro wrestling history.



Our opening contest this evening is The Miz vs. Evan Bourne, and I had a whole bunch of clever things to say about this match, but my piece of shit internet connection decided to cut out just as I hit publish, so I lost an entire paragraph about it. None of it really matters though since it was all about how these two should wrestle for the US Title at SummerSlam, but all that was rendered pointless when The Miz killed Evan Bourne with that NASTY!!! clothesline. The Skullcrushing Finale was purely academic, because I'm pretty sure Evan Bourne's neck was resting on his liver. Gross.

Alicia Fox (dressed like a pinata) vs. Melina was next, and okay, I'm done being nice: Alicia Fox shouldn't be allowed in a wrestling ring, period. She's hands down one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. She's going to get herself or someone else seriously injured one of these days.

During the break, The G?M ordered Alicia Fox to defend the Diva's Championship against Melina at SummerSlam. WWE, I said you were supposed to make SummerSlam something I wanted to purchase.

And things just go from bad to worse with Ted DiBiase vs. Mark Henry up next. Thankfully, before this match can even get started, Nexus attacks Mark Henry, sparing us from "The Human Sleeping Pill" Ted DiBiase.

Thankfully, business finally picks up thanks to the arrival of the WWE Champion, Sheamus! FELLA! Sheamus calls out Randy Orton and we get a fun little exchange of words, which is my roundabout way of complimenting Orton. The G?M chimes in as the stare down begins, saying that anyone who interferes on Sunday will be suspended indefinitely, if Randy Orton loses, he moves to the back of the line in terms of title contention, and giving them carte blanche to attack each other right now! Good ol' fashioned "beat each other up before the PPV" stuff here, but Randy Orton stops shy of punting Sheamus, I suppose saving that for Sunday. For the first time in this mini feud, this feels like a potential SummerSlam main event, even if Randy Orton is involved.

Next up, we have six-man tag match with the six remaining NXT Rookies. No, I'm not making that up, it's the final Raw before SummerSlam and WWE is giving us Kaval, Percy Watson & Lucky Cannon vs. Mike McGuillicutty, Alex Riley & Husky Harris. Hey, you know when this would be a good idea? ON NXT! Maybe instead of doing kissing contests, we could have wrestling matches? Novel concept, I know. Thankfully, after the match, Sheamus does what everyone watching this show wishes they could, and just beats the holy hell out of everyone.

WWE does realize that SummerSlam is THIS Sunday, right?

R-Truth & John Morrison vs. William Regal & Zack Ryder is up next, which could be a good match if given enough time, but I'm worried R-Truth's entrance will be longer. Thankfully, we actually got a pretty fun TV match here, John Morrison even busting out the C4 and connecting with Starship Pain?! Power of the beard!

Divas in swimsuits now... I reiterate: WWE does realize SummerSlam is THIS Sunday, right? After the match, Tamina slapped Santino on the ass, and the thought of another Glamarella-esque team is literally the most entertaining part of the entire segment. Honestly, it wouldn't have been that bad if it were two weeks ago, and not taking up valuable time on the final show before SummerSlam. WWE now has less than 20 minutes to get people excited for SummerSlam.

SummerSlam recall is from 1991 with the Big Boss Man/Mountie Jailbird Match! We miss ya Boss Man!

Backstage, Nexus takes out Khali as he's walking to the ring. Weird how those two-second backstage assaults are so much more devastating than an actual wrestling match.

Looks like Wade Barrett vs. Khali is not happening (oh darn), and instead, Nexus is here to do some trash talkin before the Lumberjack Match. Michael Tarver, in his human form, was not given mic time this week, because if the people of Sacramento heard his true voice, their heads would explode.

Backstage, The Miz offered his services to Bret Hart & John Cena, forcing both of them to ask for his help. But Miz will let them know on Sunday, because he's awesome and can do whatever the hell he wants.

Main Event time! John Cena & Bret Hart vs. Chris Jericho & Edge and WWE's final chance to make SummerSlam look like it's worthy of a $45 purchase. As expected, this match didn't take long to turn into a giant mess, with Cena being fed to the wolves outside the ring several times, but things took an interesting turn when Jericho accidentally hit Wade Barrett. Nexus attacked Jericho, he tried to run off with Edge, Morrison & Truth hit the ring, and then Edge and Jericho finally wised up and rejoined team WWE! When the first punch was thrown from Team WWE, the crowd EXPLODED, and I haven't heard a crowd go nuts like that in years. Nexus ran off and that was pretty much it.

Massive crowd reaction aside, and as fun and electric as the ending was, it's pretty much the ending we got weeks ago when John Cena first put his team together. "Hey, buy this PPV with the match we established weeks ago, then teased wasn't going to happen, but now it totally going to happen... minus The Great Khali!" I assume #7 will appear at the PPV, and surely it won't be The Miz, but if it's supposed to be a big surprise, it might be something they wanted to do tonight, ya know, to get people to want to buy the PPV.

Terrible Raw. Terrible, terrible, terrible Raw. Not the worst Raw of the year or anything, not even close, but if SummerSlam does a bad buyrate, look back at this episode of Raw and you'll have your answer why.

Raw "The Beginning": The Best of Seasons 1 & 2Breaking the Code: Behind the Walls of Chris JerichoWWE: Allied Powers - The World's Greatest Tag Teams

4 comments:

  1. gosh, tamina is hot! (oh and the rest of the divas are tasty also) :)

    am i still the only one who thinks this? and ....
    Alicia fox is amazing in the ring ... plus, she is HOT! ... but melina is hotter :)

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  2. The interaction between Sheamus and Orton was great. Orton is way better in these situations where he's not all crazy adn just speaks naturally.

    Still not going to order Summerslam though. Only the WWE title match and Nexus match interest me, so it doesn't warrant a purchase.

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  3. Dude, wow... Linda McMahon won the GOP primary.

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  4. Power of the beard. Definitely.

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