We are live blogging tonight's Raw! Keep refreshing your page for ongoing coverage of the Ashton Kutcher edition of Monday Night Raw!
Raw begins, we don't even get the usual "ladies and gentleman, we promised you a great main event," intro, it's just Edge beating the hell out of Evan Bourne? Wait, what? Evan did get a nice burst of offense, but he missed Air Bourne and Edge hit the, you guessed it, SPEAR! Edge is now running down his list of opponents at Fatal Four Way, but I'm still confused as to why exactly Raw started with a brawl between Edge and Evan Bourne. Oh and Edge, you can't mock the fans for chanting "RKO" when you had them chanting "SPEAR!" for the last three months.
Speaking of RKO, here comes Randy Orton, complete with two functioning shoulders. Edge mentions that Orton isn't 100%, but I don't think any of the guys in the match are; Cena's supposedly had back issues for the last couple months, Orton's shoulder is messed up, Edge has a laundry list of injuries over the years and Sheamus is just coming off a concussion, so it should be interesting to see how that match plays out in three weeks. Oh, Randy Orton hit Edge with an RKO, and that concludes the weirdest Raw intro in recent memory.
Ashton Kutcher is putting a hit out on Zack Ryder and setting up The Miz vs. DANIEL F'N BRYAN! I hope Michael Cole has renewed his health insurance.
If you happen to be touching my person, remove yourself from your seat and say WUTS UP?! The new United States Champion, R-Truth, is here... and wrestling Chris Jericho! I approve. This is exactly who I want to see Truth feud with, the United States Title is the one championship that eludes Chris Jericho, if he wins it, I believe he'll be the only man in WWE history to have held the WWE, World Heavyweight, WCW, Intercontinental, United States, European, Hardcore, WCW Television, Cruiserweight, WWE Tag Team, and World Tag Team championships. Well, if they are entering a feud, R-Truth has the momentum, picking up the win after reversing the Walls of Jericho into a quick roll-up. Good match, although I would've liked to see it get more time, I wonder if we'll see these two go at it again tomorrow night on the season finale of NXT.
Mixed tag team action, Santino Marella & Eve vs. William Regal & Maryse... odd. I figured it would be Maryse and DiBiase due to the events of last week, but Regal getting airtime is always a pleasant surprise. Santino is still begging Vladimir Kozlov to be his tag team partner, which could be funny, but now that I'm watching this, how about Santino and Regal? Regal plays a great straight man to any goofy character and he can pick up Santino's slack in the ring. Of course, my hopes have been dashed since Kozlov interfered and gave Santino his first win in months. Years? Beware the Cobra! And hey, Regal had it coming to him after what him and Zeke did to Kozlov.
USA! USA! USA! Happy Memorial Day, Kick-Out!! fans, remember those who sacrificed their lives for their country today and every day.
The new general manager of Raw, Bret "The Hitman" Hart is here! Bret's got a big announcement, he's worked out a deal with Teddy Long for another three-hour Raw featuring Superstars from both Raw and Smackdown! Of course, as the new GM, Bret has to get used to being interrupted, and the first guy to do so is Ted DiBiase (junior)... and Virgil! Bret Hart and Virgil are in a WWE ring in 2010, let that sink in for a minute. Anyhoo, DiBiase wants to be General Manager next week, but Ashton Kutcher had a better idea, making next week's show a Viewer's Choice Raw! Basically it sounds like Cyber Sunday, and using that idea on a three-hour Raw is something I've wanted them to do since they dropped the PPV, so I'm pretty excited for this.
HOLY CRAP VINCE McMAHON IS HERE! The rumors have been flying that the Mr. McMahon character is finished, and that seemed to be the case here. Vince was awfully happy-go-lucky and wished Bret good luck as General Manager, then danced around the ring. And that my friends, is why Vince is awesome.
Backstage, Edge slamms a door into Randy Orton's injured shoulder.
Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz, and this is the match we've been waiting for since day one on NXT! Little weird to see it so suddenly on Raw, but this could be a way to keep Bryan around permanently, hey if he beats Miz, why wouldn't Bret Hart sign him? Damn fun match, with Bryan locking in a nasty version of the crossface, Miz rolls into a pin, but Bryan reverses and picks up the win! Miz attacks after the match and tries to force Bryan to apologize to Michael Cole, but Bryan throws Miz like a lawn dart into the leader of the Cole Miners! In the year 2010, we've seen the return of Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels retire, and Bryan Danielson involved in the most entertaining storyline of the year, which also features Michael Cole. Not to sound like a broken record, but "let that sink in for a minute."
The Usos and Tamina are in the ring calling out The Hart Dynasty, and they're playing up their family history, being part of the famous wrestling Samoan family. They get quite a bit of time on the mic (unfortunately), and The Hart Dynasty eventually rush to ringside to get their revenge, but are once again dominated. Didn't like them on the mic, but I do enjoy this 3-on-3 dynamic, hopefully they can get it done in the ring and keep up the resurgence of tag team wrestling.
Alicia Fox's walk is more ridiculous than Vince McMahon's. Anyway, the Lord of Long Island, Zack Ryder is here and he wants to know who Ashton Kutcher hired to take him out, and it's The Great Khali! Sorry, can't care about Khali anymore unless he's wearing a tuxedo. Wait, it's not Khali, it's Goldust! Nope, not Goldust, it's Alicia Fox! Yeah... would've rather seen Khali in a tuxedo. Yawn.
The cast of the A-Team host Monday Night Raw next week. It's a three-hour Raw in Miami though, where the hell is The Rock!?
Awesome video package for Junkyard Dog though. I need to renew my subscription to WWE Classics on Demand.
Main Event time! Edge & Sheamus vs. John Cena & Randy Orton, but Orton's hurt! Who's going to fill in for The Viper? Evan Bourne!? Sure, it all makes sense now with the confusing intro, but let that sink in for a minute, EVAN BOURNE is in the main event of Monday Night Raw! This is a huge opportunity for Bourne and his chance to prove that he can in fact hang with the big guys, and that he's the heir apparent to Rey Mysterio. Evan Bourne is getting a hell of a showcase here too, working the majority of the match while the crowd is dying for the hog tag to Cena, I'm loving this. Cena gets the hot tag and the crowd EXPLODES for the WWE Champion, you wouldn't get anything this exciting if Randy Orton was involved! Cena hits a rotating Attitude Adjustment, tags in Evan Bourne, Air Bourne...
EVAN BOURNE JUST WON A MAIN EVENT MATCH ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Raw ends with Evan Bourne's music playing and him holding up the WWE Title with John Cena. Greatest. Raw. Ever.
Okay, maybe not the greatest Raw ever, but that was pretty awesome... and bizarre. Don't get me wrong, there was some crap (like the Zack Ryder angle), but the good far outweighed the bad here, and the show just felt fresh and exciting, which is something that's been missing from Raw for awhile now. Give me more shows like this, and an Evan Bourne push, and I'll be a very happy Razor. Evan freaking Bourne!