Monday, May 17, 2010

Raw Thoughts - May 17, 2010

Tonight's Raw is commercial-free, which is going to make this live blog pretty damn difficult, but stick around and refresh your page for ongoing coverage of tonight's Raw!

Well, there's really no better way to start off a Raw in Canada than with Bret Hart.  The crowd is absolutely batshit insane for The Hitman, but c'mon, who else are they going to cheer for, Bryan Adams?  Bret also just said "WWF," which is pretty awesome, and will surely get the internet buzzing over nothing.  Just wait until every dirtsheet has "IS WWE CHANGING BACK TO WWF?" as their headline tomorrow morning.  Anyway, Bret clarifies that he won't be wrestling tonight, because he doesn't want to be one of those aging wrestlers that hangs on way too long (good call), and that's Chris Jericho's cue, who gets almost as big of a reaction as The Hitman... until he starts the trash talking.  Jericho and Bret in the same ring together though?  I'm honestly not sure if I've ever seen this before, at least not on a national stage, and I might be as giddy as a school girl right now.  Great verbal battle here and if you're not watching this, you kinda suck... don't get mad at me, I'm just saying!

After Jericho just lays into Hart, the Hitman changes his mind on the match, but Jericho goads him into a no-disqualification match.  Hmm... could someone maybe help The Hitman win the United States Title?  Perhaps he can assist by kicking the Miz's head in?

WWE just ran a Geico commercial spoof... hey, quit stealing my material!

Edge is here and Toronto is bonkers for the Rated-R Superstar.  Edge and Orton will be involved in "Pick Your Poison" matches tonight where they get to pick each other's opponent, and Orton has selected CHRISTIAN for Edge!  Oh. Hell. Yes.  Honestly, I was hoping they'd keep these two separated until WrestleMania 27, but I'm sorry, I can't complain when E&C are in the ring together.  Pretty good strategy from WWE as well, you know when they're in Canada, they're going to cheer for the Canadians no matter what, so if you want to keep Edge heel, put him up against another Canadian!  Edge is working brutal in this match too, throwing Christian into the barricade, stomping him to the mat when he tries for his corner kick, slapping him in the face, etc.  I figure these guys have to know each other so well, they know how far they can go and it probably has to be one of the easiest matches they'll work this year.  Much like Cole & King have been saying throughout the match, it's gotta be like wrestling yourself.  It definitely shows, these guys are putting on an absolute clinic and the lack of commercial breaks is just making it even better.  Edge capitalizes on Christian's injured shoulder, nailing the Spear after throwing Captain Charisma into the ringpost and picks up the win, but what a freaking match.  More like this, please.

Randy Orton appears on the TitanTron while Edge is collecting himself, but he doesn't understand why Christian is at ringside, because that wasn't his opponent for tonight.  Wait, what?


The Undertaker vs. Edge is the real Pick Your Poison match, I guess Christian just wanted to take advantage of the situation, and the Air Canada Center is electric.  It's only the second time we've seen The Phenom since WrestleMania, but Edge doesn't want to see him at all, getting himself intentionally counted out, but thankfully Christian is still at ringside and throws Edge back in for a chokeslam!

Maryse is backstage to remind us that she's not Canadian, she's FRENCH-Canadian.  Eve wanted a little revenge though, attacking her from behind and slamming her face in the make-up table.

Buzz Aldrin and Vickie Guerrero are in the middle of a power struggle.  There's a sentence that's never been typed before.

Mark Henry is out next with his shoulder taped up after the assault from Batista last week, but before he can get to the ring, "Hacksaw" Dave Batista smashes a 2x4 across his back!  HOOO!!!!!  Davetista wants his damn spotlight!

Ted DiBiase MasterCard spoof for R-Truth?  Even better than the fake Geico commercial, but WWE keeps stealing my jokes... and theirs are actually funny!

Speaking of Ted DiBiase, he's out next with... VIRGIL!  Not gonna lie, Virgil's pop rivaled Bret Hart's.  DiBiase is taking on Yoshi Tatsu, and it's nice to see Yoshi get TV time on Raw, but I assume he's just here to make Ted look good, which sucks.  I get it though, Ted's got a newly-added match at Over the Limit with R-Truth, but Yoshi should be doing more.  Decent match though, and DiBiase is going to "treat" us with some mic work, but he actually winds up coming up with a brilliant catchphrase, "if I can't buy it, I'll beat it."  I don't think it's a coincidence that the first time I enjoy Ted DiBiase Jr, Virgil is with him.

Mad Miz Beyond Thunderdome is here!  Miz officially has to talk so much, that he can't even be bothered to let his music play, he has to trash talk Bret Hart as he makes his entrance.  Bret Hart makes his way to the ring for the second time tonight and The Hitman is rocking the jorts!  Bret is seeking his fifth United States Championship here tonight (lol, late 90s WCW), and the match is underway... and Miz rolls outside the ring.  Miz doesn't trust Bret in this no-DQ match and has hired Vladimir Kozlov & William Regal to keep The Hart Dynasty from interfering, but it doesn't take long for the Unified Tag Champs to make sure Miz gets his money's worth!  But then that brings out Chris Jericho, which brings out Natalya, who slaps Jericho in the face!  This is a total clusterfuck, the Harts interfere, Jericho gets thrown from the ring, The Miz gets a Hart Attack and Bret locks in the Sharpshooter and wins the freakin' United States Title!!!

I'm going to type that again, it's 2010 and Bret Hart is the United States Champion!!!  In Canada, no less!  How's that for closure?

Santino Marella spoofing the "Most Interesting Man in the World" Dos Equis commercials?  Brilliant.  But again, stealing my gimmick!

Well, the awesomeness of this show had to slow down eventually, here comes Michelle McCool.  It's six-diva tag action with Michelle McCool, Layla & Maryse vs. Eve & The Bella Twins.  Both members of LayCool are wearing Women's Titles too, which implies to me that they're now treating them both as champion, and hey, the Women's division is completely worthless now anyway, so why not?  Honestly though, I was pretty impressed with Layla in this match, she had some pretty slick moves and showed some stuff I'd never seen from her before.  Maryse gets the win, but Layla was definitely the star of this one.
The Reverend John Cena is backstage cutting one of his passionate promos.  Good stuff, but Canada's not having it.  They get a pass for the ridiculous Cena hating though, it's Canada!

Randy Orton is out next for his Pick Your Poison match and he's not wearing wrist tape, which is really weird looking.  Anyway, Orton's opponent for tonight?  The All-American American American, the man that's better than all your children, the National Ballroom Champion, the World Heavyweight Champion, Jackie Swaggs himself, Jack Swagger!  I was hoping for something a little more surprising (like a Triple H return), but Swagger makes sense, he did pin Orton in the center of the ring at Extreme Rules.  Decent match, not as fun as their bout at Over the Limit, but mainly because it was cut short by Edge interference.  Randy Orton gets the win by DQ, and Jack Swagger eats an RKO anyway, but Edge stands tall after the match.

Probably not the best idea to send American hero, Buzz Aldrin in front of a Canadian crowd.  But this segment just got a lot better thanks to the addition of Zack Ryder, you know it!  What's awesome is they showed the clip of Buzz punching that dude in the face that said the moon landing was fake.  Elderly men punching a-holes in the face is why we have YouTube!  Anyway, this bit of awkward was all to set up Zack Ryder & Alicia Fox vs. Evan Bourne & Gail Kim (Toronto's own Gail Kim).  Fun little match though and Gail Kim actually got a win!  When's the last time that happened?  Hey, Evan Bourne got a win too!  How about that?  All it took was drunken Buzz Aldrin!

Jon Lovitz is hosting Raw next week?!  Here's hoping for a return of The Critic!

WWE's fake sponsors still have nothing on Orton's Orthodontics.

Main Event time! Sheamus vs. John Cena, and Sheamus has a lot in his favor in this match, he beat John Cena for the WWE Title, and he didn't lose that title in one-on-one competition either.  These two are beating the holy hell out of each other, Sheamus' dead man's flop to the outside of the ring was gross, but then his knee strikes to Cena on the apron were simply NASTY!  Pretty long match here, but it looks like another big match is going to end with a disqualification, because Davetista just hit Cena with a spinebuster!  Yeah, definitely a PPV on Sunday, get that last minute hype in!  Batista locks Cena in his new submission, which probably has a proper name, but reminds me a bit of the old Rings of Saturn.  Show ends with Batista screaming at Cena to quit.  Damn, I was hoping for a Triple H save.

Well, Canada got one hell of a show tonight and for those of us at home, we got one hell of a commercial-free show.  Sure, the DQ finishes in Swagger vs. Orton and Cena vs. Sheamus were lame, but there was strong wrestling all night long.  I get that they had more time to work with, but even with Smackdown having a pretty heavy influence on this show, there's no reason why Raw can't be this good (or at least almost this good) every week.  But this show definitely felt special, especially when get got stuff like Christian vs. Edge, Bret Hart winning the United States Championship, and Virgil making his triumphant return! Good hype for Over the Limit too, but good luck competing with the LOST finale this Sunday, which might take a big chunk out of the buyrate. That in mind though, WWE should be used to it by now, Impact has way more confusing storylines and WWE survived that war.


  1. "Decent match, not as fun as their bout at Over the Limit"

    I assume you mean Extreme Rules, correct?

  2. Correct. Thanks for noticing, there's a lot going on when I live blog.