Monday, May 10, 2010

Raw Thoughts - May 10, 2010

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After a lengthy video package recapping the Edge/Orton confrontation, Raw begins with "The Viper" himself, Randy Orton.  But before he can really get into his promo, he's interrupted by... MEAT LOAF?!  What in the Bat Out of Hell is going on here?  Flava Flav is still guest host, but apparently Meat Loaf wants to sing to Randy Orton, but you know where this is going... RKO!  I will say this though, Meat Loaf cuts a better promo than Randy Orton.  Anyhoo, Edge is out after the unprovoked attack on Mr. Loaf, and announces that he complained to WWE brass about the guest hosts.  Guest hosts no longer have any authority (so what's the point of having them?), but Raw has a new general manager... Vickie Guerrero!  Vickie gets MASSIVE heat before she can even say "EXCUSE ME!" and lets Orton (or "Orn" as she calls him) that he can't go around attacking celebrities anymore, so his punishment is a match tonight against Edge and a partner of his choosing in a 2-on-1 handicap match (blargh).  Vickie amuses me, but I'm not a fan of messing with the guest host concept, all this says to me is they'll be used strictly for comedy purposes and good hosts like Shaq, Bob Barker and Jesse Ventura will be few and far between.

Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith is our opening contest though, and that's definitely a way to wash the bad taste out of my mouth from that opening segment.  The match is good, but criminally short, with Jericho picking up the win after nailing the Codebreaker.  As a result, Jericho and Miz get a shot at the Hart Dynasty's Unified Tag Team Titles, so at least we have that going for us.

R-Truth is out next, with Flavor Flav as his hype man!  YEEAAAAH BOY!  That's fun.  Flav's suit is also the greatest fashion choice I've seen since Vince McMahon's canary yellow suit.  Good usage of Flav, and it's nice to see him in something that reminds of Public Enemy, rather than crap reality shows on VH1.  William Regal is Truth's opponent for tonight, and Will, welcome to the Terrordome!  Match doesn't even get started before Primo & Carlito interfered and caused a DQ, which sucks because this match could've been really good, but it's also nice to see the Colons have something to do.  Turns out, Ted DiBiase paid them off to attack Truth, and if he was responsible for Primo cutting his hair and shaving off that crustache, maybe I was wrong about the Million Dollar Champion.

Maryse, I don't think that's proper Jiu-Jitsu attire.  And get rid of those damn hair extensions, you look ridiculous.

Buzz Aldrin is hosting next week's commercial free Raw... he sure is everywhere lately.  New agent or something?

Zack Ryder vs. Evan Bourne is next and this actually could be a really good match, but I have a feeling it will be way too short and it'll just make me want WWE to bring back ECW.  Evan Bourne picks up a quick, but entertaining win, after nailing the Lord of Long Island with the Shooting Star Press.  Particularly NASTY! since Ryder was half way off the mat when Bourne landed on him.  Evan Bourne left with Gail Kim, who Zack Ryder was trying to impress, and you know, I really like that pairing.  Bourne and Gail could make for a very cool Essa Rios/Lita-esque combination.

Fresh off joining Twitter, John Cena is HERE!  John Cena has taken offense to people calling his win at Extreme Rules "cowardly," so he's decided not to take the easy way out at Over the Limit and will face Batista one last time in an I Quit Match!  Cena wants to thank Sheamus for giving him a week to think about it in person and it doesn't take long for The Celtic Warrior to accept the invitation.  Sheamus heads to the ring, but Cena is blindsided by Batista, and this dastardly duo demolishes the WWE Champ, until Mark Henry makes the save?!  Really? Mark Henry?  Man, this show is light on faces.

Don't worry, Vickie, Randy Orn creeps me out too.

I'm all for this next match, Tyson Kidd vs. The Miz!  And of course, when I type that sentence, the match ends.  For fuck's sake, can we have a single match go more than 30 seconds?  Regardless, The Miz lost so he has to defend the US Title next week against a member of the Hart Family of his choosing... and he chooses Bret Hart!?  WHAAAT?  That should be interesting... honestly I was kinda hoping for Natalya to win the US Championship.

All 8 NXT Rookies are in an 8-on-4 handicap match against Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella & John Morrison.  Wow, if I would've told you two years ago that when they broke up, Miz would be US Champion scheduled to defend against Bret Hart and John Morrison would be working with Goldust and Santino in a throwaway match, you would've laughed in my face.  I have little interest in this match since NXT has been inexcusably terrible lately and most of the Raw team gets less TV time than Michael Tarver.  But holy shit, Daniel Bryan just won a match!  Oh sure, he beat Santino with a small package, but that's more impressive than beating Darren Young.

Flavor Flav, Vladimir Kozlov, Santino Marella, William Regal and The Bella Twins are all backstage together... and William Regal is rapping.  And I just typed that sentence.  Regal's rap was pretty awesome as well.

Davetista vs. Mark Henry is next!  Dave is sitting in a chair with the spotlight on him as Raw goes to commercial, please tell me this guy isn't taking time off.  I feel like I'm just getting to know this Batista, I don't want him to leave yet!  Batista is still in his chair when Mizark makes his entrance, and I can't be the only one that just wants to see Davetista go apeshit with the chair, right?  Well, ask and you shall receive!  The Animal, as some may say, is "unleashed," beats Henry with the chair, locks him in a submission and drools all over him.  "How ya like being in business with me?!"  Pure evil awesomeness.

John Cena vs. Sheamus and Bret Hart vs. The Miz on next week's commercial-free Raw, already sounds better than tonight's show!

Considering that every active Raw Superstar has been used in some form or another tonight, I thought Edge's mystery partner would be Drew McIntyre.  It would've made sense too, T-Lo fired him, Vickie's the new Raw GM, so she signed him.  Nope, instead we get Randy Orton vs. Edge & Ted DiBiase. Yawn.  And really, I have to wonder what the Ultimate Opportunist is thinking here, he partners up with the guy that needs help from Primo to deal with R-Truth?  Speaking of Truth, he provides the distraction, Orton hits an easy RKO and this one is over quick. Yawn²

After the match, Orton stalks Vickie, she threatens to fire him, but as he gets closer, she resigns!  Well, that was a humorous one night story arc.

Okay, Raw sucked.  But it was the best suck I've seen in quite some time.  There was decent storyline advancement, Over the Limit got a good build and there were a lot of amusing promos, but the wrestling simply wasn't there.  When there's potential to see matches like Jericho vs. David Hart Smith or The Miz vs. Tyson Kidd and you don't deliver, I'm less than thrilled, but I'm excited to see what they'll do next in the feud, so I guess WWE did what they set out to do.  Tough to review a show like this because it wasn't outright awful like most of the 2009 Raws, but it certainly wasn't good.  It was every smark cliché you've ever heard about WWE style, it was Sports Entertastic!

15 comments:

  1. Well ... having vickie as GM of Raw ... what with the chemistry with edge and the rivalry with RKO and his stone cold gimmick, is feckin awesome :)

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  2. With Vickie pronouncing Orton like "Orn", she would be a good fit to live in Northern Ireland or - as us locals call it "Norn Iron"! lol

    Personally, i think the guest hosts have run their course. They are pointless now. lets have vickie as the dispicable heel and no more guest hosts, with an exception for Rocky!

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  3. flava flav ... dude didn't know when to shut the hell up, annoying voice. They had to turn off his mic!

    dibiase and colons ... YES, fortunate sons ... great potential i think :D LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!

    shit man ... we come back from a commercial, just to get 2 mins of maryse frolicking around with some judo dude, and 15 secs of orton promo then back to commercial? Shit, I see why we get from the Vault on Smackdown and the reviews of Raw! Dammit man, would you like some show with those commercials?

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  4. Buzz Aldrin has a new book out. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307463451?ie=UTF8&tag=twatm-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0307463451

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  5. Tom in da UK (buzz buzz)May 10, 2010 at 10:23 PM

    ayaz hyder is buzz aldrin's new agent :)

    that reminds me, i found a dead wasp on my bedroom floor when i woke up. Scared me :(

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  6. Yes regal's rap was awesome, West side (well, northwest england) representin!

    What the fuck was flava flav sayin? It's like he was speaking a whole nother language! I mean, ebonics is cool, I is down wid dat ... but

    shit man

    there's english and there are foreign languages! I understand Vladimir and Santino better than that goof flav.

    I don't like him.

    Batista relaxin in the chair waiting for his match looks damn tough lolz

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  7. I'm not sure I understand what you're saying, Tom! :-P

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  8. Sardony + Irony = thanks razor for good joke ;) God, it's 4:30am, gotta go to bed (thank goodness I'm my own boss lol)

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  9. "Here is your winner and New United States Champion - Bret the Hitman Hart"!

    Headline: US Title Renamed the Canada Championship

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  10. Meatloaf cuts a better promo than Randy Orton? The lack of exclamation mark makes me think your're being serious, which would be absurd. I know you find him boring but really?

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  11. Meat Loaf showed more energy in two minutes than Orton has shown in eight years. Meat Loaf is actually a solid actor, Randy Orton is not.

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  12. I'm pretty sure if Randy Orton was told to run and shout around the ring, pandering to get a cheap pop from the crowd, he'd show more energy. For the better part of the past 8 years he's been a heel and another large chunk of that as 'The Viper' who's meant to be slow and methodical. Cena and the like were there to energise the crowd.

    For the brief moment that Orton was face, he was a lot more effective than people care to remember. The RKO fest on the RAW roster back in 04/05 for example had the crowd pumped and he diplayed an awful lot of 'energy', as well as the promos leading to his removal from Evolution. It was the shoddily executed and rushed turn to begin with that led to the character's downfall.

    I guess Dr.Ken cuts a better promo too because he showed a hell of alot more energy than Orton running around like an escaped lunatic, despite being the most annoying human being on the planet.

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  13. No, Dr. Ken was terrible while trying to be funny, Meat Loaf was trying to be annoying so people would get excited for the RKO.

    This is the problem I see coming down the road for Orton, no one's going to be excited for him, they're going to be excited for what he does to other people. He's simply not a face, he just happens to be attacking annoying celebrities or heels.

    But if it will make you feel better, yes my original comment was meant to be a little silly, but Meat Loaf is undoubtedly a better actor than Randy Orton ever will be.

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  14. Yeah I agree on that, but there is no need to turn him face if he's this effective in his current bad ass role, look what happened to MVP when they removed his heel persona. It's not a long term move, so I'm just enjoying the ride for the moment because Orton is on fire and and fresher than he's been since before Legacy came to existence.

    Though, with the crowd's continued backing they could be onto something huge if Orton can adjust ever so slightly over time, which I'm confident he has the versatility to do so. I mean he just turned 30 (2 years younger than Sheamus!) and will continue to learn.

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