Monday, March 29, 2010

Raw Thoughts - March 29, 2010

It's the first Raw after WrestleMania 26, the first post-Shawn Michaels review, and I'm live blogging! Refresh your page for ongoing thoughts of tonight's show!

Starting things off tonight with the former WWE Champion, DAVETISTA!  For those of you keeping score on Batista's fashion decisions, this week it's the unbuttoned button-up and jeans.  At least it's not a pink polo, but the only thing consistent about this guy's wardrobe is wearing sunglasses indoors... at night.  Corey Hart would be proud.  Crowd's chanting "YOU TAPPED OUT!", and correct me if I'm wrong, but was last night the first time Batista has ever been forced to submit?  Batista has his rematch clause and says he doesn't care that Cena beat him, but Cena can't beat him.  Yes, you're reading that right.  

Speaking of John Cena, the champ is indeed here!  Cena's looking to make history tonight, along with HBK's farewell, he wants to give us the Batista/Cena rematch right here on Raw!  Cena begs Dave to "do something different" and not to be the guy that says "not tonight," but of course, Batista says "not tonight."  Batista walks out but Jack Swagger attacks!  He's cashing in Money in the Bank!  

Apparently Swagger's beat down wasn't enough though, Cena goes for the STF, but Swagger slithers away and waves off the match before a ref can call for the bell.  Nice tease.  I do like this for Swagger though, constantly threatening, but never going through with it.  He did say on Raw last week that if he won at WrestleMania, he'd cash it in that night, but didn't, and here we are again tonight.  Run with it!

The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase's music hits, but he's not alone, he's got Nick Bockwinkel, IRS, Arn Anderson, Pat Patterson and then Roddy Piper's music hits and he's here with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Ricky Steamboat, and Jerry Lawler!  Our guest hosts from Hot Tub Time Machine announce a Legends Lumberjack Match with Christian vs. Ted DiBiase and that match is next!

Ted DiBiase vs. Christian in the Legends Lumberjack Match is our opening contest, and while I'm excited that Christian actually gets to wrestle on Raw, I'm not so excited that his opponent is Ted DiBiase.  Steamboat's right there at ringside, why not just give us Christian vs. Ricky Steamboat?  I can't come up with any reason for it, but I can't come up with any reason for Christian vs. DiBiase either!  But hey, I can't complain too much, because Christian wins with the Killswitch!  Surprisingly fun match.  Ted Sr. tries to comfort Junior after the match, but pops gets shoved for his troubles.  Wow, pushing your dad is NOT cool, even if when you were a baby, he stuffed a $100 bill in your mouth to get you to stop crying.

Classic HBK moments being shown all night, and of course you can't highlight HBK's career without showing him throwing Marty Jannetty through the Barber Shop window.  The coolest thing Brutus Beefcake has ever been involved in.

Rob Corddry and the dude from Hot Tub Time Machine that's not John Cusack or Craig Robinson are in a Hot Tub with the Divas.  Okay then, moving along.

Triple H is out next, sharing his thoughts on Shawn Michaels retiring, and I think the saddest part about HBK leaving right now is that we'll never get to see these two wrestle one last match.  I dunno if they'd ever top their Hell in a Cell match, but I would've loved to see them try, especially at WrestleMania.  Triple H is getting choked up and wants to tell Shawn something he's never told him before, and that's *THUD!*  Sheamus blindsides Triple H with a lead pipe!  Oh, someone might be challenging CM Punk for a-hole of the year!

Up next, a WrestleMania rematch!  Oh what could it be!?  Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk?!  Nope, it's the 10-Diva Tag Match.  Great.  Bell rings, Maryse does her hair flip, Eve rolls her up for the 1-2-3.  Well, that was pointless.  Seriously, that's all the Divas are here for at this point, just being on screen for a couple seconds. I don't understand why WWE has no interest in presenting an even somewhat legitimate women's division, but I guess they figure this is all they have to do.

Bret Hart is here!  First words from The Hitman are a tribute of sorts to Shawn Michaels, congratulating him on his storybook career.  If I would've told you after WrestleMania 25, that the next year, Shawn Michaels career would be over and Bret Hart would be congratulating him the next night in a WWE ring, just 24 hours removed from beating up Vince McMahon, you would've checked me into Shady Acres Mental Institution.  Bret thanks the WWE Universe for the last few months and it looks like he's saying his goodbyes (again), but ShowMiz cut him off!?  Oh please tell me this is going where I think this is going.  Miz is still rocking that leather trenchcoat from last night, looking like Mad Miz: Beyond AwesomeDome, and claims he's only 17 wins away from tying The Undertaker's WrestleMania Streak!  The Miz wants Bret out of "his" ring, but THE MOTHER F'N HART DYNASTY has something to say about that!  Yes, yes, a bazillionjillion times YES to this.  Can we FINALLY give these guys a serious run at the belts?!  ShowMiz leave the ring, but Miz convinces Big Show to go back!

We're back from commercial and the match is on, ShowMiz vs. The Hart Dynasty!  I am so beyond stoked for this, and I hope that what JeriShow did for the Tag Team Titles, The Hart Dynasty can do that for tag team wrestling.  It's a dying art form in this country, especially in WWE, but Kidd and Smith work so damn well together, I think they could be the ones to revive it.  Harts are in control at this point and Tyson Kidd locks in the Sharpshooter!  Miz is about to tap, but Big Show saves him and they run off for the count-out loss.  Show tried to warn Miz before the match, but it looks like these two are going to owe the Harts a title match in the near future.  I love this already.

The Hot Tub Time Machine shenanigans get slightly entertaining when The Office's Craig Robinson shows up via satellite and dismisses the Divas.  Craig gives Corddry & other guy a new opponent (please don't let it be Big Dick Johnson)... MARK HENRY!  That Hot Tub just became Sexual Chocolate Fondue!  Oh and Hornswoggle's in there too... okay, that was pretty funny.  And wow, Hornswoggle's beard is out of control, it's almost at Mike Knox proportions.  But hey, I thought leprechauns couldn't get in hot tubs, don't they multiply if you get them wet?  Just don't feed him after midnight.

Jack Swagger is out for what I assume will be our in-ring main event, I love his new boxing robe, makes him look like an All-American American Bad Ass.  Swagger claims he was just playing mind games with Cena earlier and that one day he'll catch Tweety Bird.

Jack Swagger & Batista vs. John Cena & a partner of his choosing is our wrestling main event of the evening (obviously HBK's farewell will go on last), but who's Cena's partner?  Unfortunately, it's the logic-defying Randy Orton, but the crowd loves it.  Yeah, Orton kicked Cena's dad in the skull, he's kicked Cena in the skull, hell, he handcuffed John Cena to the turnbuckle and literally tortured him with a Singapore Cane, but it's wrestling, everyone buries the hatchet at some point!  Alright, I talk a lot (and I mean a lot) of shit about Randy Orton, it's almost self-parody at this point, but I cannot deny the insane crowd reactions this guy is getting.  I dunno if it'll last, the last time they tried to make him a face, the crowd grew bored very quickly, but Orton's much different now than he was then, and who knows, this may just work.  Orton picks up the victory for his team by throwing out RKOs all over the place and the crowd just keeps getting louder.  No idea where they go with him at this point, but why not move him to Smackdown and let him and Jericho feud for the World Championship?  Hey, if I gotta endure Orton as the most over face in the company, he may as well work with the best.

Our true main event of the evening, Shawn Michaels' farewell.  Before Shawn got started, The Undertaker came out on stage and tipped his hat to HBK in what might be the ultimate show of class.  Now I could sit here and type out a long recap of what Shawn Michaels said tonight, but really that would just do a disservice to the emotional, heartfelt speech from the Heartbreak Kid.  If you saw it, you experienced it and don't need me to tell you the story, and if you missed it, you owe it to Shawn Michaels to catch a replay, watch on or Hulu, somehow, some way, you need to see this farewell.  This is wrestling my friends, stuff like this is why we watch and moments like this are the things that will always stick with the fans.

As I mentioned in my WrestleMania review, I'll have more to say about HBK later in the week, but for now, I'm just going to end this review with three simple words:  

Thank You Shawn.


  1. Dude, that was one HELL of a raw! Amazing from start to finish!

    Thank You Shawn - watching since 1991 - Fan since before the Barbers' shop!

  2. It was a really good Raw, I didn't give my usual closing thoughts because I didn't want to distract from HBK, but yeah, everything was great here except for the utterly pointless Diva match.

  3. Awesome Raw. Great speech by Shawn, classy way to leave on. It just sank in that it's over. And I absolutely loved the Owen chant that broke out.

  4. So, do both Bella's get a title match now or what?

  5. I think so... but I think Mark Henry is in line for one as well. Mark Henry vs. Maryse is a match I'd pay money to see!