Monday, March 1, 2010

Raw Thoughts - March 1, 2010

Live blogging tonight's show with guest hosts Cheech & Chong!  If the updates seem a little sporadic, it's probably because I'm busy disappointing CM Punk.

Starting things off with HBK!  Enjoy this moment, it may just be one of the last times you see Shawn Michaels in a Raw ring!  It's WrestleMania time, so Shawn is at his best when it comes to mic work, just like I'm sure he'll be at his absolute best when he faces The Undertaker in Phoenix.  Shawn says his peers don't believe he can beat Taker, and challenges any of them to come out and say it to his face, which brings out Triple H!  The Game tells Shawn he's the best he's ever been in the ring with and that he knows he can beat The Undertaker, and he's so confident about it, he's invoked DX's rematch clause for the Unified Tag Team Championship, tonight and says HBK will still be around to defend the gold the night after WrestleMania!  Fun segment.

Cheech & Chong are backstage with The Bellas and Cheech says they're not like those characters in the movies.  Uh... I'm pretty sure Tommy Chong is exactly like the character from the movies.  Hornswoggle shows up and gives Chong some Lucky Charms that appear to have been laced with LSD, either that, or WWE's graphics guy is just drunk.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase is our opening contest?  I expect shenanigans... and to be bored.  I've seen some people already complaining about giving this match away on free TV, but if this is the best Orton and DiBiase can come up with, be thankful you're not paying for it.  My optimistic side suspects they're just hanging back to set up a Legacy triple threat match at WrestleMania.  And yep, Cody Rhodes hits the ring and causes the DQ, but Orton fights them both off, much to the delight of the crowd.  I have no idea why Orton is the good guy in this situation, then again, I can't really see myself cheering for any of these guys with their current characters.

Tommy Chong rubbing William Regal's hair, thinking he was Eve Torres was pretty damn funny.  Silly and stupid, sure, but it's Cheech & Chong, and they carry a special kind of charm that makes it work.

Money in the Bank qualifying match up next, Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger, who is over HUGE in his home state tonight.  I bet he's also fueled by JR's BBQ as well.  Swagger finishes off Santino almost instantly and is heading to WrestleMania.  Wow, if they keep this up, MITB could relaunch the careers of a couple guys that have been forgotten about.

What. is. Batista. wearing?  It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!

Okay, the Placebo video was one of WWE's best hype vids ever, now they've got a Johnny Cash video?!  WWE better put these on the WrestleMania DVD.

John Cena is here and he's got a little spring in his step, even after the vicious beatdown from last week, but he's stoked to be heading to WrestleMania.  But he isn't letting it slide, he wants revenge, which brings out Mr. Hellbent for Leather, Davetista!  The leather vest/bracelet combo with the denim and necklace my mom would wear doesn't exactly scream "intimidating" though, it screams "gang member from a movie made in 1985."  Dave, seriously, pick a look, because you're actually cutting a really good promo here, but I can't look at the screen without laughing.  Seriously though, fantastic promo from Batista, maybe even the best of his career, and it just makes me wonder why he didn't turn heel three years ago.

MVP vs. Zack Ryder in our second MITB qualifying match of the night and it's over almost as quickly as the first with MVP getting the win with the worst finisher in the company.  It fits with the them of MITB, putting in guys who haven't won a match in months, making Christian the obvious favorite, but I would've preferred Zack Ryder.  MVP just hasn't been interesting lately.

Diva Pillowfight.  Who cares?

Mad Dog Vachon is the next name announced for the 2010 Hall of Fame.  Definitely helps wash the taste out of my mouth from that last segment.  Here's hoping for a Luna appearance at the ceremony!  Or for Shawn Michaels to hit someone with his Mad Dog's prosthetic leg.

Vince McMahon is at his a-hole best here, interrupting Bret Hart's entrance and just verbally annihilating The Hitman.  Vince taunts Bret about his broken leg and the challenge for a match at WrestleMania and winds up kicking Bret's crutch out from under him.  Apparently that was the last straw for Bret, the match is on!  That's right friends, more than 12 years after Montreal, Bret "The Hitman" Hart is going to wrestle Vince McMahon at WrestleMania.  If I would've typed that sentence a year ago, I would've been laughed off the internet.  And Vince wasn't done here, he announced that next week, he'd be going one-on-one with... JOHN CENA!  Surely going to be a pure, technical masterpiece, right?

Criss Angel hosts Raw next week, maybe he can make Randy Orton disappear!

Main Event time!  D-Generation X vs. ShowMiz with the Unified Tag Team Titles on the line!  Another short one, but the crowd was electric and it did what it needed to do.  When The Undertaker appeared on the TitanTron, I honestly couldn't tell if it was footage of the Dead Man or a still photo, and it was really creepy.  Miz took advantage of the distraction and pinned HBK for the victory.  Yes, The Miz pinned Shawn Michaels in the main event of Monday Night Raw... speaking of things that would've got me laughed off the internet if I said it a year ago.  After the match, HBK stormed off, which gave Sheamus the opportunity to attack Triple H!

Seen a lot of "WTF!??" from the smark crowd on this one, but uh... guys, you remember that PPV from eight days ago?  The one where Triple H pinned Sheamus, forcing him to lose the WWE Championship?  You can't bitch at WWE for "never remembering history" when you don't remember something from last Sunday, just sayin.  So it looks like Sheamus vs. Triple H at Mania is happening, which is pretty wild, this will be Triple H's first WrestleMania that he hasn't been in the WWE or World Title match since WM17 all the way back in 2001!  2001, the first Lord of the Rings movie wasn't even out yet and the world was listening to a song called "Bootylicious."  'Twas a simpler time.

Okay, so a pretty bad Raw when compared to last week, but WrestleMania is still shaping up quite nicely.  But is it so much to ask for wrestling matches?!  Look WWE, I know TNA is moving to Monday nights next week, but they're really not a threat, so you don't need to out-TNA TNA by giving us 15 minutes of actual wrestling.  I have high hopes for next week, Criss Angel should be a good host, wrestling and magic aren't that different from each other, and then the week after that... STONE COLD!  So with that in mind, hopefully this Raw was just a "we don't want to give away TOO much before WrestleMania" and they get everything back on track with NXT and Smackdown.


  1. Triple H NOT in a title match at 'Mania?

    I don't think we're ready for this jelly.