Monday, February 1, 2010

Royal Rumble 2010 Review!

I need a herooooooooooooo!!!!!

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson for the ECW Title was a good choice for an opener, really the only choice, and it definitely delivered. I'd like to say that it delivered as I expected, but I honestly wasn't sure how Big Zeke would fare on a major stage. Luckily, my optimism for the Guyanese Goliath was warranted, and the challenger not only met expectations, but exceeded them. Didn't hurt that he was in there with the most consistent performer in pro wrestling today, the man who hasn't had a bad match since his return last February, the ECW Champion, Christian. These guys had great chemistry and weren't afraid to get physical, some of those punches Christian threw were downright painful to watch and Zeke's clotheslines? Holy hell. I especially loved the ending with Christian slipping out of the Oklahoma Stampede to hit a picture perfect Killswitch for the win. Off to a good start!
Predictions: 1 for 1

Backstage, The Miz had a run-in with Teddy Long, who was apparently in charge tonight. T-Lo makes the match that's been in the works for weeks, The Miz vs. MVP for the US Title, bonus match!

The Miz vs. MVP was honestly a bit disappointing. I think I'm just going to have to come right out and say it, I think I'm giving up on MVP. Maybe it's the fact that he's a better heel, but he's really been boring me as of late, and this match really showcased it. I hate to sound like a cynic, but I think MVP is this year's Mr. Kennedy, loads of untapped potential that will remain just that, untapped. Miz was great as always, and I have to agree with Striker and King, MVP was in the wrong to attack someone who just beat him fair and square. Why was Miz the bad guy in this situation? Trash talk? Wasn't MVP just cracking jokes about Miz being a prison bitch last week?
Predictions: n/a

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton was a bit of a mess. Good match, actually a surprisingly good match, I was expecting a dead crowd and a slow, plodding, snoozefest, but I was impressed with both men here and the crowd was into it. But of course, Sheamus, the WWE Champion, was treated as background noise to a Legacy breakup storyline. Legacy breaking up has been teased pretty much since the group was formed, we have to do this right now? When Sheamus still hasn't had a single legitimate win over a top star since he won the WWE Title? If they wanted to keep the belt on Sheamus, he should've kicked Orton's ass and then you could've done something with Legacy after the match. Instead, Sheamus is an afterthought to freakin' Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, two guys who quite frankly, do not have the potential of the Celtic Warrior.

I also really didn't like the announcers rewriting the history of the match two seconds after it ended, "Randy Orton had the WWE Title in his grasp..." uh, no he didn't. Sheamus had just roughed him up outside the ring, rolled him back in, then Cody Rhodes attacks. Yeah, Orton hit the RKO after the interference, but the match was already over. It totally delegitimizes Sheamus and couple that with the fact that the match wasn't even about him, it delegitimizes the WWE Title. This is the same crap they pulled when CM Punk won the World Title the first time, sure he had the belt around his waist, but they were too afraid to let him be a champion. You can't have it both ways, if you want new top-tier players, they have to be built up at the expense of others. A loss tonight wouldn't have hurt Randy Orton, he's Randy Orton, but the kind of win they gave Sheamus didn't help anyone. I hate armchair quarterbacks and backseat bookers, but when you have a situation where the end result is wishy-washy, playing it safe, but not really because no one benefits, then yeah, it's just flat-out bad booking.
Predictions: 2 for 2

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool was a very emotionally satisfying payoff to a wretched storyline. Mickie winning in seconds and McCool & Layla getting cake in the face was probably the best way to end this nonsense, but it better end here. No more cracks about Mickie's non-existent weight problem, no more fat suits, and while we're at it, send Michelle McCool on a vacation. There are plenty of women for Mickie to work with on Smackdown: Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and the intriguing newcomer Serena Deeb, so let's keep her away from any reminders of this stupidity.
Predictions: 3 for 3

The Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio - hot damn I loved this match. Mysterio getting tossed around like a ragdoll, but somehow wound up looking like a badass? Great stuff. Not many guys can lay claim to busting Taker open, but the 5'5" Rey Mysterio did it? Even coming out on the losing end, Rey looked tough and his style meshed well with The Phenom, which was a bit surprising. No surprise Rey lost, and in this instance, he should have, but after proving he can literally work with anyone, can we please consider another title run for the guy?
Predictions: 4 for 4

The Royal Rumble Match is a tough one to review. Certainly better than last year's overcrowded mess, but they over-corrected here and gave us the least crowded Rumble in history with guys being tossed out left and right. I loved stuff like CM Punk being this year's dominator, throwing guys out in rapid-fire succession, and he also got mic time between entrants (hilarious), definitely making him the star of the match, but he was the seventh guy tossed out?! WTF?! That seemed to be the pattern of the match - give a guy a little burst of something cool, then throw him out thirty seconds later. Or give a girl a little burst of something cool, Beth Phoenix throwing out The Great Khali? That's freaking awesome, why eliminate her so early? Why eliminate Yoshi Tatsu, Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, MVP, Miz, and Kofi Kingston so quickly?! All of those guys could've benefited from an impressive Rumble appearance, but instead they got in one or two cool spots and were tossed out like chumps.

The only time the early elimination worked was with my pick for the winner, Triple H. Nothing against Triple H, but to have him be eliminated so early and so suddenly? THAT is what the Rumble should be, an anything can happen atmosphere where surprises can be more than just bringing back Jim Duggan or Tatanka. After seeing Triple H get eliminated by HBK like it was 1996 and he's Diesel, I'm 99.99% convinced that DX will collide at WrestleMania 26. Mega Powers Explode Pt. 2: Suckit Boogaloo!

Speaking of surprises, there was the major shocker of the night, of course I'm talking about the length of time Carlito lasted. Someone please explain how he held on in there as long as he did?

Kidding, obviously the big shocker was the return of Edge, who came in at #29 and won the Rumble! It wasn't a completely unexpected return like Cena in 2008, but I honestly didn't think he'd be healthy in time to make it. Very cool moment, and while it doesn't shake up the WWE landscape like if Kofi Kingston would've won, it does mean Edge has pretty much done it all in WWE - WWE Title, World Title, IC Title, US Title, WWE Tag Titles, World Tag Titles, Unified Tag Titles, King of the Ring, Money in the Bank, WrestleMania Main Event, and now the Royal Rumble, The Rated-R Superstar may just be the most successful Superstar in WWE history.

So Edge is headlining WrestleMania, who's his opponent going to be? I really can't see any other option besides Chris Jericho. The story pretty much wrote itself when Edge got injured and Jericho had to find a new tag partner, now all that needs to be done is get the World Title on Jericho. With Elimination Chamber just three weeks away, it shouldn't be too hard, and there you go, one hell of a WrestleMania main event. Edge vs. Jericho is a match we've never really seen, at least not with the guys at this level. Both have always been good, but Edge really matured during Jericho's hiatus and Jericho just keeps getting better and better, so I can't wait to see what the result is if that is the match they go with.

Got off on a bit of a tangent there, but as for the actual Rumble match, I didn't really dig it. The whole thing felt rushed, the guys who aren't multi-time World Champions were underutilized and they really blew it with genuinely interesting stuff like CM Punk's ranting, Beth Phoenix being in the match, and even Legacy, who just had major character advancement, but were pretty much ignored less than an hour later. HBK's story took an intriguing turn, Triple H's elimination was a jaw-dropping shock, Edge's return and win were awesome, but the overall match fell short.
Predictions: 4 for 5

As for the overall PPV though, I really enjoyed it. Aside from the stupidity in the WWE Title match and the issues with the Royal Rumble, the majority of the show was a good time. All the major title matches featured great wrestling, the crowd was really into the show, and WrestleMania is starting to take shape. Some flaws dragged the show down a bit, but way better than last year, no doubt about that.


  1. Wow, I thought the Taker/Rey Match and the Rumble Match were the two bright spots from the show.

    I couldn't believe Carlito connected with 3 or 4 Backstabbers in a row. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

    I honestly though Orton/Sheamus was a snoozefest. The first 3 matches actually. I had a hard time getting into any of them. The ending to Christian/Zeke was good, but meh.

    CM Punk was genius as usual. "YOU. YOU. YOU. You have potentia--," clocks Ryder with the mic. Hilarious.

  2. You didn't dig Christian/Zeke? Bummer, I thought it was great. Obviously it's not going to be Christian/Jericho or Christian/Regal, but it was a great match for two conflicting styles and an untested challenger.

    I liked the Orton/Sheamus match, but the ending was infuriatingly stupid.

    And yes, Punk is God.

  3. I am so broke beyond belief that I really debated whether or not to order the Royal Rumble. Now I can honestly say that it was definitely worth it. Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson was hands down my favorite match of the night. It just goes to show how awesome the Superstars from ECW are and how they can deliver a great showing. Kudos to both men for putting on a stellar match.

    I agree with you 100% about Sheamus vs. Orton. Honestly, they're making the Celtic Warrior seem like such a weak champion. It's ridiculous. It was stupid when they did it to Punk during his first World Title reign, and it's stupid now. Sheamus has the potential and the look to be a dominant heel champion, and WWE's just making it seem as if luck's on his side.

    I usually hate matches that last seconds, but with all the build-up that had gone into the Mickie James storyline and all the crap she went through, I don't think I would change a thing about her match with McCool. When she won the match right away I told my sister, "I usually hate 'non-matches' like this, but after all the nonsense this storyline has created, and the crap they've been telling Mickie, she deserves to have squashed both Michelle McCool and Layla."

    The Rumble itself was decent for me. I thought what CM Punk was doing in the early stages of the match was pure gold. Easily my second-favorite moment of the match (with Edge's return being my favorite).

    I was originally pulling for Morrison or Kingston to win it, and I was disappointed to see both men eliminated. Kingston was taken out surprisingly soon, which is a real shame because I wouldn't have minded seeing him go all the way. One thing that bothered me beyond belief was Matt Hardy's brisk elimination. When he hit the floor I thought to myself, This is what WWE thinks of Matt Hardy. He's not even valuable enough to them to keep in the Rumble for a decent amount of time.

    Overall, I really enjoyed the Rumble. It wasn't perfect, but it was a great PPV nonetheless.

  4. I thought The Royal Rumble was all around awesome. I can understand wanting a little more offence from some guys, but I can't see how anyone other than a blind Matt Hardy mark thought the guy would get anything more than a quick move in before being eliminated! :P

    I watched with a friend and we both just burst out laughing at some of the stuff. Punk mostly, but also Beth Pheonix eliminating Khali and the entire 'Kick, DDT, Pin' sequence of McCool/James.

    Overall I thought the entire event was the most fun a WWE PPV has been in a long while (though TLC & Survivor Series were pretty good any way) and I think I enjoyed everything about it. I marked the fuck out for the return of the bearded Edge, all I can think any time he returns is that the guy spends all his time out of action cradled up into a ball in his room, shaking and holding a lil' replica WWE Championship close to his chest.

  5. Obviously Matt Hardy isn't presented as an important part of the show right now, but I don't see the point in his quick elimination. I mean, this is the Rumble, where lower level guys hang in there all the time. Hell, didn't Mr. Perfect make it to the final three in 2002?! Quick eliminations should happen, especially with a comedy character like Santino, but tossing out someone like Hardy so fast does nothing for anyone.

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  7. Just a quick note, I don't like to delete comments, but if it reads like the worst of, it's not staying on the site. Stay in school, kids!

  8. The 1st match was good because christian won,the 2nd match was good because the miz got beat up after the match,the 3rd match was good because randy orton lost,the 4th match was good because mickie james won,the 5th match was good because undertaker retained his title, the royal rumble match was disappointing because edge won and john cena did not, but overall I highly recommend buying this ppv on dvd in february.

  9. Ok I argreed with every single thing that you said here in your real review of a wwe event because I have decided to join the old school wrestling fans and cheer for the heels until the wwe brings back what made it great in 2004. because this is and I am sick and tired of putting up with new school fans childish comments.