JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! One of the most influential figures in the shaping of the Attitude Era (seriously), and former mayor of Cincinnati, Jerry Springer will be hosting tonight! Will we see a return of "Crash TV?"
Starting things off with a singing of the National Anthem in honor of President's Day, that was nice. Raw is live and so is Kick-Out!!, keep refreshing the page for live blog updates!
Our opening contest this evening is Sheamus vs. Randy Orton in a preview of sorts for this Sunday's Elimination Chamber PPV, and a rematch from the Royal Rumble. I'll tell you what, I know Sheamus wasn't really catching on as WWE Champ at first, but did you hear the boos when his music hit? As long as they keep giving him big wins like he did last week, we may have the fastest ascension for a newcomer since Brock Lesnar.
Match is underway and the crowd is definitely way behind Orton, which has been the case throughout his entire mini-feud with Sheamus, but I hope this doesn't give WWE any ideas about turning him face. Orton as a face is like Ricky Steamboat as a heel, it just wouldn't work, and last time they tried it, it derailed Orton's career. Not really much of a match so far, neither man getting control, but Legacy finds their way to ringside, giving Sheamus the opening he needed. Once again, Cody Rhodes causes a disqualification due to outside interference and let me guess, we're going to tease their split even more tonight?! Get on with it already, WWE. At least Cody Rhodes gets an RKO, but DiBiase gets booted in the face and Sheamus gets an RKO as well, with the crowd going wild and me getting worried.
Well this is exciting, Bret "The Hitman" Hart is here! I know this is about the fourth time we've seen The Hitman this year, but I still can't get over the fact that I'm seeing Bret Hart in a WWE ring in 2010. Once again, never say never when it comes to professional wrestling. Wait a second... are the nimrods in the audience chanting "WHAT!?" during Bret Hart's promo? And this is why wrestling fans are their own worst enemy. Luckily it only lasted for a few seconds and Bret was allowed to get back on track and give us a heartfelt promo, even if his "goodbye" is just the beginning. Obviously things between Bret and Vince are far from over, and backstage, John Cena seems to agree. Things get weird though when some chick backs her car into Bret's limo and his leg gets caught in the door. Huh? Between this and John Morrison, it seems to be the week for weird leg injury storylines.
ShowMiz vs. MVP & Mark Henry up next, and ShowMiz already have their own mash-up theme song! Good reason to reunite Henry and MVP as well, since I'm pretty sure MVP is still the #1 contender for the US Title and all of these guys have kinda been feuding with each other lately anyway. Decent enough match, MVP and Mark Henry pick up a much needed win, especially much needed for MVP, who's been drowning lately. Of course, probably not ideal for new champs to lose in their first match, but at least it was presented as something of a fluke.
Jerry Springer is up next with a special edition of his show, and I'm pretty sure he is using the grotesquely, absurdly expensive JERITRON 9000! Jerry is looking into the WWE Superstars most intimate relationships, and our first revelation is that Kelly Kelly is pregnant. Yep, this is gonna be a trainwreck. Kelly believes the father is Santino Marella?! Oh come on, we're missing a grand opportunity to revive the careers of both Kane and Snitsky! Oh but it turns out that it's not Santino, it could be Michael Cole... or Jerry Lawler! Springer does have a good point though, Kelly Kelly is way too old for Jerry Lawler. Cue The Bella Twins, with the shocking revelation that Brie is a man! And out comes Chris Masters (the presumed father) and Eve to complete the Battle of the Superstars All-Stars. And now Eve drops the bombshell that she's been cheating on Chris Masters with... The Great Khali, and maybe Ranjin Singh too! Finally, Springer gives us the results of the DNA test, and the father is... HORNSWOGGLE! Damn, I was hoping for The Godfather. As it turns out, the Superstars All-Stars were just playing a prank on old Jerry Springer, but they reveal his intimate relationship, Mae Young! This might be the most ridiculous segment ever, though it does give me a reason to share one of my favorite Weird Al songs:
Okay, back to action, Kofi Kingston vs. Ted DiBiase in another preview for this Sunday's Elimination Chamber PPV. If Ted's willing to show some of that potential I know he has and this doesn't turn into another chapter of As The Legacy Turns, this could be a really good match. Decent enough action, sucks to see Kofi Kingston lose again, but a good win for DiBiase, though I'm not sure he really needed it. Sick Dream Street there at the end though. As friend of Kick-Out!! and Mr. Anderson's worst nightmare, Ayaz Hyder said: "Attention WWE audience....if you can find Kofi's push please return it back to its rightful owner."
Antonio Inoki is the next inductee in the 2010 WWE Hall of Fame! Definitely deserved and more evidence that WWE is aiming to make their Hall more of a wrestling Hall of Fame, rather than limiting it to just WWE.
Okay, John Cena's here to finally get this show back on track with stuff actually happening, but of course we get to see another video package. RAW IS MEMOREX! Honestly, how many times can we see Batista powerbombing Cena on the steel stairs? Back in the present, Cena calls out Batista, but Big Dave isn't in the arena, he's via satellite. Oh FFS! At least Cena calls out Davetista's absurd wardrobe choices, saying he shops at Baby Polo. Batista promises he'll be at Raw next week, and not on a "Big Tron," somewhere, Jeff Bridges is disappointed.
Jewel and Ty Murray hosting Raw next week... and they might be the strangest guest hosts yet. I admittedly like Jewel, she seems like a pretty sharp person who does her own thing with her music (even if some people don't get it), but I don't think the WWE audience is going to get it either.
Main Event time! Triple H vs. John Cena, a WrestleMania-worthy match that WWE has given away at least three times on Raw in the last year! Match was decent enough, and at least they didn't give away a clean finish like they did the last time Cena and Triple H squared off, but they could've figured something out so that they didn't have to go with a completely out-of-the-blue Sheamus run-in! Don't get me wrong, I like Sheamus and I'm glad to see him look like the dominant champion he should have from the moment he won the WWE Title back in December, but I feel like this was just one big WTF edition of Raw.
Which brings me to my Final Thought. Bad Raw. Not a terrible, I considered turning off the TV episode of Raw, like the Dennis Miller episode, but a total waste of a show considering there's a PPV this Sunday and only four matches have been announced. The Springer segment was harmless, as in no one will even remember it come next week, but it went on way too long and nothing else of importance happened on this show.
Sheamus vs. Orton was a rerun from the Rumble, a bizarre injury angle for Bret Hart, the tag match was way too short, Kofi Kingston continues to be wasted, Batista doesn't show up as advertised, and they give away Cena vs. Triple H again. I feel like there could've been better ways to hype the Chamber match, why not a six-man tag or a tag match and a singles match that's not John Cena vs. Triple H? Shoulda, coulda, woulda, I suppose, and I'm not here to be the Tuesday morning booker, but just a bad show that really could've been good even with the stupid Springer segment. And where the hell was Shawn Michaels?