Monday, January 18, 2010

Raw Thoughts - January 18, 2010

Always love the Martin Luther King tribute at the start of Raw on MLK Day, very classy.

And then we follow it up with Nickelback, which is just sad.

Alright, it's Monday Night Raw and we're live blogging! Keep refreshing your page for updates. Cole & King announce John Cena & Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase for later on tonight, but we're kicking things off with the boss, it's Vince McMahon! Some members of the crowd are already trying a "WHAT?!" chant, but luckily it doesn't seem to be catching on. Say what you will about Vince, but he's on fire here tonight, this is a classic Vince promo, talking about how he has to be the one to "put guys down" when they're passed their prime. Vince equates Bret to a piece of gum that's lost its flavor and has to be spit out, and he did it for us. Classic Vince...


THE UNDERTAKER is on Raw and has interrupted the chairman! Crowd's red hot for the Deadman and he has something to say to Vince about Bret Hart. Speaking of people being on fire this evening, Taker's got the crowd in the palm of his hand and is showing us a side of him we don't get to see too often anymore. Taker runs Vince off and switches his focus to Shawn Michaels, who makes his way to ringside! Folks, I believe we have ourselves a stare-down! Undertaker tells Shawn he has nothing left to prove to him and gives him a simple answer regarding WrestleMania - "No." Taker offers Shawn a match tonight, which the crowd goes ballistic for, but HBK turns it down because he only wants the match at WrestleMania. Shawn sets his sights on the Royal Rumble, and says when he wins, there will be no doubt which champion he goes for. That my friends, is how you start Monday Night Raw. Wow.

Time for some wrestling, and our opening contest is a rematch between Evan Bourne and the WWE Champion, Sheamus! Poor Evan. And poor me, because guess who's at ringside? Randy Orton, the new #1 contender. And yeah, that's pretty much it, over before it begins with Evan falling victim to the Celtic Cross, which is the perfect name for Sheamus' finisher, but Finlay's gonna be pissed! Sheamus and Orton have a stare-down of their own, culminating with Sheamus putting the WWE Title in Randy's face, I would've preferred if Sheamus kicked him in the face, but I guess that works too.

Don Johnson is backstage with DX looking for Jon Heder and finds Carlito dressed as Napoleon Dynamite. Topical WWE, real topical.

Jack Swagger is in the ring, and if ever there was someone that needed to go back to ECW, it's this guy. Swagger wants a rematch from last week against Santino Marella, who is dressed as Crockett from Miami Vice. Still more relevant than the Napoleon Dynamite joke. Santino will not be in action tonight, Mark Henry will be filling in for him, and if JR was here, he'd say this one could get "bowling shoe ugly." And yeah, just like our last match, this one's over before it even gets a chance to begin. C'mon Raw, that awesome intro is only going to get you so far, you've got to stop with these two minute matches.

Guest Hosts, Don Johnson & Jon Heder, finally make their way to ringside. The two are here to plug When In Rome, which also stars Kristin Bell, Dax Shepard, Will Arnett, and Josh Duhamel, who all would've been cooler guest hosts, just sayin. Actually now that I think about it, Will Arnett needs to host Raw as soon as possible. Anyhoo, Jon Heder is apparently close personal friends with, The Miz, and this segment just improved. "Don, 20 years ago, you were what I am now, the hottest thing on television," awesome. MVP joins the party after Miz & Heder run him down and let's us know he's in the Royal Rumble and his main goal is to throw out the US Champ. Way to keep the expectations low, MVP. Now for whatever reason, Big Show's out here and takes out MVP, apparently he has the same agent as Heder. Heder sets up the main event tonight, DX vs. Miz & Big Show, maybe Jericho will be spared the embarrassment this week.

John Cena & Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase is our 10pm main event, and hopefully the good guys will get some retribution for last week... though nothing will truly save us from the pain of Randy Orton being the new #1 contender. Digging the match so far, crowd's really into it, which helps, and WWE is kind enough to go to commercial when Legacy gains control, so that's appreciated. Kofi gets the hot tag to Cena and the crowd explodes, definitely a much more fun environment than last week. Few back and forth sequences between Cena & Rhodes, but Kofi tags himself back in and nails a flying crossbody for the win! Good match, and a much-needed win for Kofi Kingston. You know what else is a much-needed win for Kofi? The Royal Rumble!

Well, The Miz & Big Show vs. DX sounded like a fun match until it became The Miz, Big Show & Jon Heder vs. DX & Hornswoggle. Here's hoping for something more along the lines of Seth Green and less like Cedric The Entertainer.

Divas tag action up next with the semifinalists of the Divas tournament teaming up, it's Gail Kim & Eve vs. Alicia Fox & Maryse, and like I mentioned in my Smackdown review, the differences between the two Divas divisions are night and day. And by "night and day," I mean one is good and the other is abysmal. How bad was this match? I'm more interested in watching clips of Stone Cold on Chuck, which followed the match... and I don't even watch Chuck.

Triple H has something serious to talk about with Shawn Michaels, hmmm... could this be the beginning of a possible WrestleMania match if HBK doesn't face The Undertaker?

Oh hey, some actual wrestling! Randy Orton vs. Chris Masters could be a decent television match (yes, I'm serious), but only if they give it time, and since it's 10:43, I doubt that'll happen. And here comes Sheamus to repay the favor from earlier. This really isn't a bad match and Chris Masters even gets Orton in the Masterlock! TAP! Okay, that might be ridiculous, but at least Orton had the courtesy to get to the ropes, rather than break out of the hold. Orton gets out of the ropes and RKO! This one's over... but not for Sheamus, who kicks Orton in the face! Someone in Knoxville must be reading the blog!

James Roday & Dule Hill from Psych will be hosting Raw next week! Awesome, they should be a lot of fun.

Main Event time! Big Show, The Miz (MizShow?) & Jon Heder vs. Shawn Michaels, Triple H & Hornswoggle... yeah, I can't believe it either. Okay, Jon Heder in a Ric Flair robe is pretty funny and oh my God he's wearing trunks! Brb, gotta wash my eyes out with fire. If you were blinded during this match, you didn't need to see it to know it was absolutely absurd. Honestly though, it could've been a lot worse, but I'd be more forgiving if the rest of the show had been padded out with solid wrestling, but that sadly was not the case.

After the match, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena and Big Show traded words about winning the Royal Rumble, but Triple H was the one who stood tall, even going so far as to throw Shawn Michaels over the top rope. Though I don't want to see any of these guys win the Rumble, they've all done it before (well, Show's was a technicality weeks later, but work with me here), I wouldn't be surprised if HHH, HBK or Cena won. It'd be completely unnecessary, you could get any of these guys into a title match if you really wanted to, and I really think they'd be blowing an opportunity to create a new star with Kofi Kingston. That's just my $0.02 though, feel free to weigh in with your thoughts on the Rumble in the comments.

Overall, another weak Raw. Not as bad as it was in December, but still not good either. Heder & Johnson were fine, the Cena/Kofi tag match was good, and the opening segment was flat-out awesome, but that's about it. The biggest problem is there's still very little wrestling; I know, I know, Raw's the "entertainment" show, but that doesn't mean a happy medium can't be found. Just by cutting one pointless skit every week, they could save enough time for one more actual wrestling match! I'm not asking for much here, it's not like I expect Ring of Honor or anything, just something more than one decent match, then a bunch of two-minute matches that I can't even remember after the show goes off the air.


  1. I'm curious to see how the main event will go. I don't think The Miz has faced DX since the 800th Episode of RAW with John Morrison.

  2. "I don't even watch Chuck."

    You are missing out so bad.

  3. I watched the pilot a few years back and enjoyed it, there's just so much stuff on Monday nights, I can never DVR it. I should get the first two seasons on Netflix sometime.

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  5. Chuck successfully combines action, comedy & drama at a time when the pro wrestling groups so often fail at it. No wonder Steve Austin talked up Chuck's writers, the taping must have been a world of difference for him.

  6. How the hell did I miss a lay-up like ShowMiz? Good call Butta, good call.

  7. "So, you're just going to give me a WWE Title match, Will? Is this some kind of trick?"
    "It's not a trick, Chavo....IT'S MY ALLUSION!"

    Always loved the Undertaker/HBK fued, it's been bubbiling away under the surface for the 3 years or so i've been watching WWE again. Not to mention the older stuff like Hell in a Cell you can draw in. It just has a subtlety to it, the two can cross paths at random and share a simple stare down that is very powerful.

    Speaking of love, I would love it too if Swagger were to return to ECW. If only partly because I am immensely entertained by any exchanges between himself and Tiffany.

    I don't normally find myself overtly critical of the Divas as some people but this one was deserving of negativity. Especially Eve's air kick.