Monday, December 7, 2009

Raw Thoughts - December 7, 2009

I really, REALLY hate Nickelback. Just saying.

Mark Cuban starts off the show, letting us know that there will be a "showdown" between Sheamus and John Cena later tonight. I always enjoy WWE coming up with different ways to describe a segment that ultimately amounts to putting two guys in the ring in a non-match situation. Cuban keeps it surprisingly short and it looks like we're going to dive right into the in-ring action!

John Cena vs. Carlito is our opening contest, when's the last time Cena was in the first match of a show? Carlito gets a couple shots in, but it doesn't take long for Cena to get control of the match, and it also doesn't take long for Sheamus to show up. Mark Cuban and security stops Sheamus on the ramp, but the distraction isn't enough to give Carlito an advantage, Cena picks up an easy win with the Attitude Adjustment. I'm sure some smarks out there are pissed that a glorified jobber that's been out of action for months lost to the WWE Champion, but Carlito's lucky to even look this good against Cena.

Slammy Awards return next week on a three-hour Raw with guest host Dennis Miller! Dennis has become quite the character over the last few years, but I think he'll fit in pretty well in WWE. Still, WWE should've aimed higher, you got the big awards show, bring in Billy Crystal!

Randy Orton & Legacy out next, Orton wants the ban lifted so he can challenge Cena for the WWE Title, but Cuban's (thankfully) not hearing it. Orton's got a rematch with Kofi Kingston tonight and Cuban will be the special referee (I smell shenanigans) and Legacy has a rematch of their own, taking on Primo & Evan Bourne next in a rematch from Superstars!

Primo & Evan Bourne vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase is an okay match, but nowhere near as good as their encounter last Thursday on WGN America. Too much Primo, not nearly enough Evan Bourne, and ya know... Legacy, and any time they're on TV, it's too much. DiBiase nails Bourne with Dream Street and picks up the win, so yeah, that was kind of pointless. I already saw Legacy beat this team four nights ago, and I don't think anyone expected Bourne & Primo to beat anybody, let alone one of the biggest teams in the company. Such a waste because Bourne & Primo really work their asses off in the ring, but don't have much to show for it these days.

But hey, at least there's a consolation prize for me, Mark Cuban has ejected Legacy from the arena! Now if only you could've done that ten minutes ago!

Really, Kelly Kelly's been reduced to the dreaded "special guest ring announcer" role? Ask the Bella Twins how that worked out for them. Not working out well for my ears, that's for sure. Maryse vs. Gail Kim is the match Kelly's announcing, and this one has potential, but only if both divas bring their A-game, which has sadly been missing from both of them. Match is all Gail Kim, JR would call her a "house of fire" here, but Maryse catches her trying to come off the ropes and gets the win with a little help from the ropes. Ridiculously short match, they apparently needed to save time for the post-match brawl between Maryse and Kelly Kelly, but luckily Melina rushed in from 80s Night before things got out of hand.

The DX Army... if you guys had anymore merchandise to shill, you might have to start calling yourselves the KISS Army. But HBK referencing Han Solo & Chewbacca to describe how he can understand Hornswoggle is hilarious.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton with Mark Cuban as the special guest referee is our 10pm main event, and again, I have a hard time believing this match will have a legit finish. This feud needs to go to PPV and I think it would round out the TLC card quite nicely. Honestly, I'm surprised this match is going as long as it has, but so far, really good stuff. Kofi's on fire, Orton's looking as good as he has in quite some time. In the ring, Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise, RKO - NO! Backslide, Cuban with a RAPID count, KOFI WINS! Yeah, shenanigans, and Cuban announces the "rubber match" (or first legit match) at TLC! Nicely done, WWE and it's always fun to see Orton get a taste of his own medicine.

United States Title on the line next with Mark Henry challenging The Miz! Say what you will about The Miz, but he is quite the fighting champion... and awesome. Another really short match, but Miz counters the World's Strongest Slam into a DDT and retains the US Title! That's right, The Miz just pinned Mark Henry clean in the center of the ring. I think if there's a Slammy for Breakout Star of the Year, Miz has to at least be nominated, if not the winner.

Chavo Guerrero & Jillian vs. Hornswoggle & Eve? Seriously? Yeah, no surprise that Hornswoggle beats Chavo for the 97th time, but what is surprising is Chris Masters coming to Hornswoggle's rescue after the match! Yeah, you heard that right, the crowd was chanting "MASTERLOCK!" which officially makes them the nicest wrestling crowd ever. Never thought it would be possible, but Chris Masters has successfully turned face because he can make his pecs bounce. I seriously just typed that sentence.

Looks like Chris Jericho vs. D-Generation X is up next, but not before a promo from the man who should win Superstar of the Year two years in a row! This promo is awesome, not just because Jericho + microphone = gold, but because of a sea of "JERICHO SUCKS" signs behind the announce table. Hilarious. Actually, Jericho vs. DX being up next reminds me something that bugged me about Smackdown and now tonight's Raw, "confrontation" segments in the main event instead of an actual match. I'm not a "purist" about many things, but I do believe shows should end with a proper wrestling match. Then again, considering tonight's big contest is a handicap match, it doesn't really make much of a difference to me, it's all just glorified hype for Sunday.

Okay, actual match time. It's a handicap match, and a handicap match featuring two faces against one heel, so it's just not really clicking with me. Wow, the two good guys can beat up the cheating, conniving heel when it's 2-on-1? Shocking! And here I am running my mouth when it all comes together with a ref bump! Big Show makes his way to the ring and starts clearing house, palming HBK's head, punching a chair into HHH's face, then allowing Jericho to dropkick a ladder into HBK. Yep, it is all hype for Sunday, but pretty damn good hype. Jericho standing atop a ladder with titles in his hands is a visual that I'll never get tired of seeing.

Championship Showdown is our main event(ish) with Mark Cuban apparently moderating a debate between Sheamus & John Cena. Strong promo from Cena, but unsurprisingly, the goods on the mic come from Cena, who's in full-on Reverend Cena mode. Sheamus gets in Cena's face, Cuban tries to get in between them, but gets knocked on his ass for his troubles. Cena takes two bicycle kicks to the head, but it looks like Mark Cuban isn't happy about being shoved down and knocks Sheamus on his ass!! OH IT'S ON! Well Mark, thanks for coming, but enjoy your trip through this table! Okay, Sheamus is looking pretty badass, he may just be "Dobel-yeh Dobel-yeh Eee" Champion after all!

Okay, not the best Raw ever, but compared to last week, this was WrestleMania. A couple useless segments, but the hype for the PPV matches - Kofi/Orton, DX/JeriShow, and Cena/Sheamus - was top notch. Cuban did well in his role, especially at the end of the show and with Dennis Miller hosting The Slammys next week, Raw might just be getting back on track... but I've said that a few times this year, so I'm not getting my hopes up.


  1. Oh man, Kelly Kelly :( I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come, she's easily one of the better divas in the WWE today. (Well, not counting the woman that actually started out as wrestlers like Natalya & Beth)

  2. I'm sure she'll be fine, I think it was all just an excuse for Maryse to have someone to bully. I was just being a smartass. ;-)

  3. Oh Razor, you smark you.

  4. Mark Cuban SHOULD HAVE tossed Legacy before the match since he literally owns the building.

  5. After this Raw, I turned over to HDNet and caught my first episode of Ring of Honor. If Mark Cuban's intention for appearing on Raw was to get me to give ROH a peek, it worked! Their Four Corner Survival match for the ROH title was better than the entire two hours of Raw tonight. Just plain awesome! It gave me those ECW chills I felt in '97.

  6. I really wish ROH could give me that ECW vibe. But luckily I remembered ROH this week and DVR'd it, hopefully I'll have a review up sometime tomorrow or Wednesday.

  7. Please keep commenting on how much Nickleback sucks. Like I said on that board that no one knows about, they make me embarrassed to be Canadian. Maybe a better wrestling media will force a better wrestling theme song.

  8. Unless I missed it, I wish they had acknowledged Umaga's death at the beginning of the broadcast.

    Other than that, Raw was decent enough. I'm amazed they kept a single piece of continuity from 2003 relating to Mark Cuban when HBK/Y2J haven't acknowledged their bad blood from last year despite being the defining feud of the past three/four years.

    I also can't believe Chris Masters' gimmick is literally his dancing boobs.

  9. They've mentioned HBK and Y2J quite a few times. Jericho just cut a promo, either last night or on Smackdown where he talked about their ladder match from last year.

  10. He mentioned having teeth knocked out last night.