Monday, December 28, 2009

Raw Thoughts - December 28, 2009

Despite some new concepts and big changes, 2009 has not been kind to Monday Night Raw. Will tonight's show be a merciful end to the year, or have the last few weeks been a sign of bad things on the horizon?

Chris Jericho is outside collecting signatures to let him back on Monday Night Raw, so I guess the Secret Santa thing from last week didn't count?

Vince McMahon will address the Bret Hart rumors tonight... I seriously can't believe this is happening.

Raw officially kicks off with John Cena and the Hartford crowd is red hot tonight! Cena wants his rematch RIGHT NOW and he wants a TABLES MATCH! And right on cue, here comes the WWE Champion, Sheamus, who laughs off Cena's challenge, saying he has nothing to prove to the challenger.
Sheamus lets Cena know that the end of "two-tousin n' nine" will end with him still holding his "dobel-yeh dobel-yeh eee championship," seriously, this guy is awesome, but John Cena does not agree, putting the WWE Champ through a table! Oh and "Sheamus SPF 1000" might be the best sign of the year.

Thanks for dressing up, Timbaland... although I'm sure those sweatpants cost more than my car. Oh look, the Bella Twins are hanging out with the guest host, they have got to have the easiest job in the world, stand around with a famous person on a weekly basis.

Randy Orton's setting up matches for Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, and threatens to kick them out of Legacy if they lose. While I support a Legacy break up, I would laugh if Orton kicked them both out and continued Legacy without them, much like Axl Rose continuing Guns n' Roses without the actual band.

Stop the Jericho Embargo!

Finally getting some in-ring action tonight with Ted DiBiase vs. Evan Bourne as our opening contest, and if DiBiase loses, he's out of Legacy. Well, that makes this one fairly obvious, but could be a good match if we avoid Raw's three-minute matches of doom. Match is underway and Evan Bourne, please stop selling clotheslines by almost landing on your neck, I cringe every time and am concerned for your well-being. Seriously, Evan Bourne isn't human, a standing hurricanrana while DiBiase is seated on the top rope, are you kidding me!? Nice showing for Evan (as always), but of course DiBiase picks up the win with Dream Street. Too short, but there are worse ways to spend four minutes.

In a nice change of pace, the wrestling continues with Cody Rhodes vs. Mark Henry, and just like with our previous match, if Rhodes loses, he's out of Legacy. This one's not quite as obvious, since I can't see Cody Rhodes being kicked out of Legacy, but I also can't believe that Cody the toothpick would ever have a chance in hell against the World's Strongest Man. Cody gets lucky with Mizark tweaking his knee on the outside and nails a DDT for the win, looks like Legacy's gonna be okay! You know I was concerned.

The DX backstage segment with Hornswoggle duct taped to a skateboard was funnier than everything they did last week. And I bet they won't even need to show it twice.

No absurd costumes for the Divas this week, though I won't be surprised if Big Dick Johnson shows up as the New Year's Baby. Anyhoo! Maryse vs. Kelly Kelly is our Divas match of the evening, and Kelly Kelly isn't messing around, throwing Maryse around like a ragdoll, high crossbody block, where has this Kelly been lately?! Sadly, it's not enough to stop the former Divas Champion, who defeats Kelly with her patented DDT.

Vince McMahon is heading to the ring!

It looks like it's over for JeriShow! With Jericho on Smackdown and Big Show on Raw, the long-distance relationship won't work. :-(

Well, here's what we've been waiting for, Vince McMahon is in the ring to shed some light on the Bret Hart situation. I'd be lying if I said I my heart isn't beating just a little bit faster right now. Awesome video package highlighting the ups, and of course, the infamous down of "The Hitman's" career, and Vince begins to heel it up. The crowd chanting "WHAT?" during this might be the most infuriating crowd moment of 2009, but good job of Vince shutting them down quickly by calling them a bunch of Hartford imbeciles. Anyway, Vince can't bring himself to do it and announces that Bret Hart will NEVER host Monday Night Raw. Hmm...

...Which brings out Shawn Michaels? Oh boy, this could get really interesting. But HBK's not out here to talk about Bret Hart, he wants to talk about The Undertaker? The hell? Shawn Michaels wants to end The Streak, but Vince wants no part of it, which gets HBK to change the subject to Bret Hart. I have no idea what's happening at this point, but it's becoming disturbingly creepy. HBK tells Vince to bring Bret back because "only good things will happen," and Vince suddenly changes his position? Weird. But despite that, BRET HART is returning to WWE! I'm going to repeat that: Bret Hart is returning to WWE! Once again, never say never when it comes to WWE.

Timbaland is really, really stoned right now. Wow. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if RVD rejoined WWE just so he could hang out backstage tonight, that's how high Timbaland is right now.

The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston up next, the original plan was if Kofi won, he'd face Miz for the US Title next week, but now if Kofi wins tonight, he gets his shot... tonight! And as I type that sentence, Miz comes flying off the rope looking for a double axe handle, but catches Trouble in Paradise in mid-air, Kofi wins! The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston pt. 2 up next, this time with the United States Title on the line! Here's hoping we get an actual match this time around... nope! Just as Kofi hits his second Trouble in Paradise, guess who shows up to ruin the fun? That's right, Randy freaking Orton. Nasty RKO on the floor and Miz retains the title despite losing by disqualification. I'm all for the Orton/Kofi feud continuing, but couldn't we have gotten a full match out of the deal? I'm seriously growing tired of Raw being filled with lightning-quick matches outside of the main event.

So pissed at myself for buying tickets to Smackdown next month, but not picking up tickets to Raw next week, which isn't all that far from me. I'm going to miss Bret Hart's return to WWE, but I can't justify paying Ticketmaster's absurd service fees for a nosebleed seat. Seriously, I'd rather deal with a DMV inside a cell phone store that has a bigger line than the post office than ever deal with Ticketmaster.

DX vs. Big Show & his new partner... Chavo Guerrero? Really? Okay WWE, it's the end of 2009, no more Hornswoggle vs. Chavo after this, it has to end before 2010. Obviously DX makes short work ChavShOw(?), Chris Jericho tries getting involved, but gets Sweet Chin Music for his troubles. Triple H has had enough though, agreeing to give JeriShow one last shot next week, but if they lose, Jericho is gone from Raw for good.

Main Event Time! WWE Title on the line with Sheamus vs. John Cena! Honestly, I missed most of this match because the thought of not being in the arena for Raw next week bugged the hell out of me. I caught the lame finish to the match with Sheamus getting disqualified, I understand why they did it, but with Sheamus destroying Cena after the match, why not give him an actual win? Not saying Sheamus should beat Cena clean, but why not have a ref bump and let Sheamus get a few good chairshots in?

Overall, a weak Raw when looking at the in-ring product; typical three minute matches that have been plaguing Raw all month, but with the storyline progression and the MONUMENTAL announcement that Bret Hart will host next week, I certainly enjoyed this Raw more than the last two weeks. And with the thought of Bret Hart returning within an hour of me, I had to find tickets to this show. Ticketmaster sucks, Stubhub sucks, but it's Bret freaking Hart. Even though I just spent a ton of money on Christmas, shouldn't be spending the money anyway, and there's a possibility of snow, but it's Bret freaking Hart! As a wrestling fan, I'd kick myself in the ass forever if I didn't go to this Raw, so I'll be there!


  1. ...dude, that's in DAYTON!? If you can find tickets, drop me a message on THAT board or something, because holy crap.

  2. Sousa and Zero together? Mothers, lock up your daughters...

  3. Who's this Zero you speak of? >_>

  4. I have many alter-egos. Just wait until you meet my Latin Lover persona, El Cero.

  5. I am guessing all the other commenters on here are already friends? Hmmm

    well, from an Irish British man who knows that dayton is in Ohio, but couldn't point to it on a map. . .

    I thought Raw was actually good this week, apart from the bogus ending to the main event, but I thought some crud like that would happen!