Monday, November 9, 2009

Raw Thoughts - November 9, 2009

Thanks to the new laptop, tonight's Raw review will be written as it happens! Yeah, I finally made the jump to a laptop, maybe someday I'll get one of those newfangled car phones!

Tonight's Raw is on tape delay from Sheffield, England and England's own Ricky Hatton is our guest host. Ricky's happy to be here, but before he can even get started, the Unified Tag Team Champions - and professional guest host hecklers - Chris Jericho & Big Show interrupt. I hope Big Show knows better than to pick on another professional boxer that's considerably smaller than him. Hatton brings up the Mayweather battle, but Show is not amused and offers Hatton a free shot... don't do it, Show! Your nose looked gross last time! Hatton backs up for the punch, but Jericho saves the day! Jericho tells Show he needs to worry about the Triple Threat match at Survivor Series, especially since he is on the "roll of his career" and "single-handedly won at Bragging Rights." Easy Napoleon, indeed! Hatton gets in between this squabble and makes a match for tonight, JeriShow vs. D-Generation X! Loving Jericho's rant on all the "plebeians" in England and the "ultimate hypocrite," Queen Elizabeth and her Royal Family! This is the cue for DX, who enter to an INSANE reaction from the English crowd. You probably know where this one is going by now, DX throws out some insults, hype the match for tonight, but HBK doesn't want to wait and he knocks Jericho right out of the ring! Big Show teases taking on DX and Hatton by himself, but leaves the ring... hey, he's not dressed to compete yet, leave him alone you hooligans!

Divas action to kick things off in the ring, Kelly Kelly w/ Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox w/ Jillian Hall... this could get ugly. Raw's back home next week in Madison Square Garden and that is where Melina will defend the Diva's Title against Fox, but she has to get through this match first. Is it just me or is the in-ring action really quiet in this match? Cole and Lawler seem really loud in comparison? And in the time it took me to type that sentence, the match is over. Oh well, at least it was short.

Ricky Hatton is backstage with John Cena! Cena's bummed out for not being in the main event tonight, but I'm sure he'll find something to do.

Clips from last week's brutal beating of Jamie Noble is shown, who is reportedly contemplating retirement. I assume that means he'll be back in a couple weeks to try to get revenge? Sheamus vs. Local (British) Competitor is up next and much like our opening contest, it's kept short. Sheamus utterly decimates this guy and introduces a new finisher - the Crucifix Powerbomb... known by some as the Razor's Edge. Thanks Sheamus!

The Bella Twins are backstage with Ricky Hatton, chatting it up. Santino strolls by in a fat suit and boxing robe, he's Ricky Fatton. Get it!? Chavo Guerrero is grumpy and wants a match with Ricky Fatton; he gets a match with Ricky... but with the real one. Boxer vs. Wrestler, and I assume Hattonswoggle will be nearby.

Josh Matthews is backstage with The Miz! Team Miz vs. Team Morrison in a traditional elimination match will be happening at Survivor Series, and I'm liking the looks of this one: Miz, Jack Swagger, Sheamus, Drew McIntyre & Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison, Evan Bourne, Matt Hardy, Finlay & Shelton Benjamin. Yeah, that has serious awesome potential. Miz's teammate, Jack Swagger, interrupts and tells him that his "undefeated" streak will continue next when he takes on Evan Bourne!

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger starts off with Swagger absolutely dominating. Ever notice that any time Evan Bourne is in the ring, someone locks him in a double arm submission where his arms bend back so far that you wonder if he's actually Gumby in disguise? He's like the male version of Melina. Nice burst of offense for Evan, but Swagger quickly gets the advantage back with a big boot... wait a minute, here comes THE MIZ! Swagger tries to show off, but Bourne gets out of a suplex with a knee to the face and hits the Shooting Star Press... BOURNE WINS! Sorry about your streak, Swagger! Evan Bourne getting a win is always going to make me a very happy Razor, would love to see these three lock it up at TLC in a TLC Match, but I won't hold my breath.

MVP and Mark Henry are in the ring for the VIP Lounge, but before it gets started, they officially announce Team Kofi vs. Team Orton at Survivor Series and this match is looking even more awesome than the other one: Kofi Kingston, Christian, MVP, Mark Henry & R-Truth vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, William Regal & CM Punk! Sold! MVP shaved off his facial hair... he looks weird. Kofi Kingston is the guest in the VIP Lounge this evening and the red-hot Sheffield crowd is going nutzo! Considering what Kofi has done to Orton over the last couple weeks, and the fact that Legacy was crushed in a six-man tag last week, I think these three guys might be my favorite wrestlers in WWE right now. Mark Henry has Randy Orton in one-on-one action tonight... let's get a replay of when The World's Strongest Man returned to Raw.

And speak of the devil, Team Buzzkill are heading to the ring. Did Randy Orton just say "y'all"? Orton does some of his famous whining, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase brag about their bank accounts and insult Kofi & co. Orton tells them the only place they belong is "the hood," and this segment has taken a turn for the awkward. A bunch of rich, spoiled white guys talking down to the black guys that they see as lower class? I think the only thing Randy's missing is "a hood." Kofi Kingston rightfully slaps Orton across the face (lucky guy, I've wanted to do that for six years!) and we go to commercial.

Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry is in progress once we return from break, and MVP, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase remain at ringside. I heard some rumors that Mark Henry injured his knee at the start of this European tour, but he seems to be getting around just fine in this match. Perhaps just another dirtsheet rumor? Decent enough match, but just when it looks like Mark Henry has Orton where he wants him, The Viper nails an RKO out of nowhere! After the match, Kofi checks on Henry, but Orton grabs him and returns the slap to the face, but Kofi's having none of that and clocks Orton in the jaw! Loving this feud. Team Kofi lost tonight, but MVP will have a chance to make up for it this Thursday on Superstars when he takes on Ted DiBiase.

Nickelback provides the new Raw theme beginning next week... looks like my mute button will be getting a nice workout every Monday night at 9pm.

Boxer vs. Wrestler matches are deliciously old school, with Chavo Guerrero vs. Ricky Hatton bringing it back tonight. Typical boxer vs. wrestler match to start things out, slow and kinda boring, but Hatton nails a NASTY punch to the side of Chavo's head to end this one quickly. I don't know how padded Hatton's gloves were or if he pulled back, but that looked pretty painful.

Survivor Series is looking pretty awesome.

Even more ridiculous than Orton saying "y'all," I'm pretty sure I just heard Triple H say "hand over that lilliputian." DX is backstage with John Cena looking for Hornswoggle. This segment is ridiculous, and showcases the dangers of letting WWE Superstars do improv.

Okay, this isn't wrestling related, but out of concern for your safety, I have to use this space for a very important public service announcement. If you're thinking about eating crawfish from Popeye's... please don't.

Next week's guest host is... "ROWDY" RODDY PIPER! Roddy Piper hosting Raw in MSG? Hell yeah.

John Cena is on guest commentary for our main event, D-Generation X vs. JeriShow! Unified Tag Team Titles are not on the line in this one, but you have to think it's just a matter of time before we see it happen. TLC in December? Before the match begins, Cena makes a great point on commentary, that Shawn Michaels is the x-factor at Survivor Series - if DX works as a unit in the triple threat match, then the odds aren't in his favor, but if we get HBK at Survivor Series, the guy that retired Ric Flair, DX will break down and Cena's odds will improve. Little touches like that are great at selling matches, and I hope that's something they explore in the next two weeks. Match is underway and... we go to commercial.

Aaaand we're back on cable television's most watched show, the longest-running weekly episodic show in history, this is Monday Night Raw! [/Cole] JeriShow is dominating, not unlike the end of Raw last week, which ended with DX and Cena out cold. Jericho is now at the commentary booth, ordering Cole, King and Cena to let the viewers at home know that Big Show is a "destroyer." Hilarious... this is why Jericho should be Superstar of the Year once again. Speaking of commentary, this is one of the best guest spots I've ever listened to, they're really adding legitimacy to the WWE Championship match at Survivor Series. Back in the ring, Jericho and HBK are mixed up in the corner, Big Show goes for the knockout punch, HBK ducks and nails Chris Jericho! That punch was sick, nailing Jericho right on the top of the head, I think it may have even split him open. HBK takes advantage, goes for the cover and picks up the win!

After the match, Justin Roberts is on the mic and announces a MASSIVE main event for next weeks Raw, a Triple Threat Tag Match - Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. John Cena & THE UNDERTAKER! Show ends with The Deadman atop the ramp and the crowd going bonkers! That's going to be awesome, and definitely a main event worthy of a show at Madison Square Garden.

I liked this show. The in-ring action wasn't all that special outside of the main event, but the crowd was electric and the hype for Survivor Series was about as perfect as you can get. Survivor Series has kinda been the forgotten PPV when it comes to the "Big 4," but this year's might be the best-built show of the year if they keep this up. Great stuff.


  1. Oh, good, I thought I misheard Orton saying "y'all." Notice the only time he says it is when he's being condescending to a ring full of black guys? Randy K. Orton doesn't care about black people.

  2. it's a shame finlay already uses the name Celtic Cross for his finisher seeing as how it'd be perfect for sheamus

  3. Yeah, it would be a perfect name. I guess now it will have to be known as the Irish Edge.

  4. And if he does, hey, instant feud with Edge for stealing his name. Just like the time that Edge claimed that C.M Punk based his life philosphy on him.

  5. I beg you, let's call seamus's finisher ... "Pog mo thoin"!

    It would be one of those few little pleasures for a il irish man here! Throw me a frickin bone!